Beginners

Oliver:
[talking to his dog Arthur at a dog park] Go and have experiences with your own people. I'll be right here. I'm a human. I'm not a dog. And you're a Jack Russell, and that's a breed. Your personality was created by this guy John Russell, who was a hunting enthusiast in the 1800's. And he bred your ancestors for their stamina and their courage for the hunt. You think you're you and you want to chase the foxes, but... other people planted that in you years ago, and now, somewhat arbitrarily you're considered very cute by us humans. And we keep breeding you not to- not to chase foxes, but to be cute. And we put you in television shows, and movies, and- And you're chasing tennis balls because they're as close to a fox as you're gonna get.

Oliver:
[talking to Anna on the phone who uses beeps to talk] I've always wanted to have a phone call with someone who doesn't talk.

Oliver:
Look, it's lonely out here, so you better learn how to talk with me.

Arthur:
[in closed captions] While I understand up to 150 words - I don't talk.

Elliot:
You remember when Oliver was funny? And he could actually, say, like, talk in complete sentences?

Shauna:
"Funny" funny.

Elliot:
Funny, yeah.

Shauna:
Mmm, I don't think- Fun, but not funny. Unless, like, serious is funny. Then he's f***ing hilarious, but, um- Lovable.

Man at party:
[laying down on a couch, dressed at the Wicked Witch of the West] I didn't ask for this. Who would ask for this? This color? This nose? This cheek? This chin? You know, this is my life. This isn't a story. This isn't a joke.

Oliver:
[dressed as Freud] Yeah.

Man at party:
I'm so glad you came, Doc. It's really good to get this stuff off my chest.

Oliver:
I'm sorry. Our time is up, uh, for this week.

Hal:
Oliver. I'm not sorry I woke you. I went to Act Bar tonight.

Oliver:
You did?

Hal:
Yeah. Oh, they had some wonderfully loud music. [imitates dance beat] What kind of music's that?

Oliver:
Probably house music.

Hall:
House music?

Oliver:
Yeah.

Hal:
Okay. [writes it down on a piece of paper] House- House music.

Oliver:
Can I give you my number? [Anna gives him a piece of paper]

Arthur:
[in closed captions] Tell her the darkness is about to drown us unless something drastic happens right now.

Oliver:
[after Elliot tags LEIT on a wall] What the f*** is that?

Elliot:
L-E-IT. Elliot.

Oliver:
That's ridiculous.

Elliot:
I know. You're not very supportive.

Oliver:
That's just like copying something that someone did 30 years ago in the Bronx.

Elliot:
Well, yeah. I'm part of a tradition of civil disobedience- Something bigger than myself.

Elliot:
[after Oliver tags 1985 Bush finds Jesus on a wall] What was that?

Oliver:
Historical consciousness- Something bigger than myself. Let's do it again.

Anna:
You don't know what a camisole is?

Oliver:
I was, um- was brought up by these animals, and they didn't like questions- they're very frowned upon- so I had to guess.

Arthur:
[in closed captions, talking about Anna] She's unlike any girl I've met.

Oliver:
Someone flashy walks into your life, and you're just gonna fall for it.

Arthur:
Are we married yet?

Oliver:
No. It doesn't work like that. There are other steps. It's complicated.

Arthur:
I hope this feeling lasts.

Oliver:
You re-wrote Jesus' death?

Hal:
It was far too violent. We need new stories.

Oliver:
Why are you telling them you're turning the corner?

Hal:
Well, I...

Oliver:
You, you have stage four cancer.

Hal:
It's not as bad as it sounds.

Oliver:
Pop. There is no stage five.

Hal:
[chuckles] That's not what it means.

Oliver:
Well, then what does it mean?

Hal:
It just means that it's been through three other stages.