Better Call Saul

Chuck McGill:
Money is beside the point.

Saul Goodman:
Money is the point!

Saul Goodman:
I'm number one on your speed dial right next to your weed dealer.

Mike Ehrmantraut:
The lesson is if you're going to be a criminal do your homework.

Price:
Wait I'm not a bad guy.

Mike Ehrmantraut:
I didn't say you're a bad guy I said you're a criminal.

Price:
But wait what's the difference?

Mike Ehrmantraut:
I've known good criminals and bad cops, bad priests honorable thieves you can be on one side of the law or the other. But if you make a deal with somebody you keep your word. You can go home today with your money and never do this again but you took something that wasn't yours and you sold it for a profit. You are now a criminal, good one, bad one. That's up to you.

Roland Jaycox:
You're disgusting!

Jimmy McGill:
Hey, I'm not the one with the sex toilet... I hope you make a lot of money with that thing. Chandler's gonna need it for his therapy!

Kim Wexler:
I-it's big - lot of offices.

Jimmy McGill:
Yeah, I like the openness. I feel like I can breath in here, you know. It's not some claustrophobic, closet that smells like acetone. Room to grow.

Kim Wexler:
In any case, I think we've managed to come up with a deal that is very favorable under the circumstances.

Betsy Kettleman:
A Deal? I hate that terminology. A deal is what they got O.J.

Jimmy McGill:
Once again, I do all the talking.

Jimmy McGill:
That's the only way it works.

Jimmy McGill:
The thing you folks need to know about me, I got nothing to lose. Christ, you should see my office.

Jimmy McGill:
See you tonight?

Kim Wexler:
Maybe. If you play your cards right.

[to Pryce]

Mike Ehrmantraut:
I guess I shouldn't be surprised I have to tell you this. But it's probably a bad idea that you willingly talk to the police, being a criminal and all.

[playing guitar]

Clifford Main:
You play?

Jimmy McGill:
Oh, I tried to learn in high school, but then I decided there were easier ways to get girls.

Mike Ehrmantraut:
You know what happened. The question is, can you live with it?

Detective Sanders:
You look like Matlock

Jimmy McGill:
No, I look like a young Paul Newman, dressed as Matlock

Jimmy McGill:
Look, don't let Mr. Ehrmantraut's dancing eyes and bubbly bon vivant personality fool you. He's actually believe it or not, somewhat taciturn.

Mike Ehrmantraut:
I broke my boy.

Jimmy McGill:
Hey fellas, how're you doing? James McGill, here to see my client... What?

Detective Sanders:
You look like Matlock.

Jimmy McGill:
No, I look like a young Paul Newman dressed as Matlock.

[repeated line]

Mike Ehrmantraut:
Lawyer.

[Closing lines]

Stacey Ehrmantraut:
Hoffman and Fensky... if they killed Matty, who killed them? Pop What happened?

Mike Ehrmantraut:
You know what happened. The question is can you live with it?

Mike Ehrmantraut:
You let some things slide and you look the other way. You bust a drug dealer that has more cash than you'll ever earn in a lifetime. Some of it doesn't make it back into evidence So what? You took a taste. So did everyone else. That's how you knew you were safe. It's like killing Caesar. Everyone's guilty. Matt wasn't dirty. I was. Everyone was in that precinct. That's how it worked. You turn in your buddy, you're screwing yourself. You go along to get along.

Stacey Ehrmantraut:
And you went along.

Mike Ehrmantraut:
I did. Yeah. I did. Okay.

Mike Ehrmantraut:
But you said Matt didn't.

Mike Ehrmantraut:
No. Not Matt. Fensky got to Hoffman early kickbacks from some gang or another protection, basically. And Hoffman went to Matty and offered to cut him in. Only fair, right? They were partners. And Matt did what you would think. He agonised. And then he came to me, wanted to go to the I.A., do the right thing, shut 'em down.

Stacey Ehrmantraut:
Oh, my God. And you let him? That's why he got killed 'cause he was gonna turn on those guys?

Mike Ehrmantraut:
No. No. I told him [sighs] You know what a cop fears most? More than getting shot, more than anything? Prison getting locked up with everybody you put away. You threaten a cop with that, you make him dangerous, and that's what I told him. I talked sense. No one was getting hurt. But if you go to the I.A., if you even look like you're going He had a wife, a kid, responsibilities. Take the money. Do something good with it. Well I tried. I tried. But he wouldn't listen. My boy was stubborn. My boy was strong. And he was gonna get himself killed. So I told him... I told him I did it, too, that I was like Hoffman, getting by, and that's what you heard that night me talking him down, him kicking and screaming until the fight went out of him. He put me up on a pedestal And I had to show him, that I was down in the gutter with the rest of them. I broke my boy. I broke my boy. He went to Hoffman, he took the money, but he hesitated. Even looking like you're doing the right thing to those two meant that he wasn't solid, that he couldn't be trusted. I got Matty to take the money. And they killed him two days later. He was the strongest person that I ever knew. He'd have never done it, not even to save himself. I was the only one I was the only one that could get him to debase himself like that. And it was for nothing. I made him lesser. I made him like me. And the bastards killed him anyway.

Stacey Ehrmantraut:
Hoffman and Fensky... if they killed Matty, Who killed them? Pop What happened?

Mike Ehrmantraut:
You know what happened. The question is can you live with it?

Jimmy McGill:
Upon this rock I will build my church.

Waitress:
Hey! You are not Kevin Costner!

Saul Goodman:
I was last night.

[repeated line]

Jimmy McGill:
[to himself, in the mirror] It's showtime folks!

Snake Face:
I'm gonna kill him!

Jimmy McGill:
Your honor, I'm very sorry and I'll never do it again.

Snake Face:
Say what?

Jimmy McGill:
Just...

Snake Face:
[in court] Your honor, I'm very sorry and I'll never do it again.

[repeated line]

DDA Oakley:
Petty with a prior.

Jimmy McGill:
I'm a lawyer, not a criminal.

Lars Lindholm:
You... you are... you are the worst lawyer, the worst lawyer ever!

Saul Goodman:
Hey, i just talked you down from a death sentence... to six months' probation. I'm the best lawyer ever!

Jimmy McGill:
I'm gonna make an educated guess what happened here. My two clients, Frick and Frack, the mop heads, were in a simple traffic accident. A minor fender bender, but maybe they were on the wrong side of the street or didn't look both ways. It could happen to anyone. My clients, exhibiting extremely poor judgement, followed your grandmother to this delightful, well-tended home. Now, at this juncture I'm deducing that they said or did something that crossed a line. And you, with some justification, put them in their place. Based on the salsa stain there, it could have gone a couple ways. Bottom line, not to be morbid, but if they're dead, I'm guessing that I'm... I'm gonna go with glass half full here and say they're not. My point is, if they're still alive, why kill us, because of a misunderstanding? Our own stupidity? Why mess up your lovely Abuelita's place? Why jump to the nuclear option? I'm saying keep it simple. I will collect my moronic clients, and poof! We are gone. Neither you nor your lovely Abuelita will lay eyes on us ever again. Guaranteed. Signed sealed and delivered. Assuming, you know, that they're still breathing.

Tuco Salamanca:
[Slightly baffled] Wow. You got a mouth on you.

Tuco Salamanca:
He said he was FBI. He admitted it.

Nacho Varga:
You had his wire cutters on him, he would have said anything. You really see the FBI hiring those two flaquitos?

Tuco Salamanca:
Maybe.

Nacho Varga:
Croaking a lawyer for no reason is bad business. He goes away someone's gonna come look for him.

Tuco Salamanca:
They walked into my house. They disrespected my Abuelita. They called her "biznatch"! And they just walk? Huh?

Jimmy McGill:
Or you could give them black eyes.

Tuco Salamanca:
Black eyes! [laughs] That ain't nothing!

No-Doze:
That one there, homes? He's already got a black eye, fool.

Tuco Salamanca:
[Goes right up to No Doze's face] Stop helping.

Jimmy McGill:
Only two things I know about Albuquerque - Bugs Bunny should've taken a left turn there. And give me a hundred tries, I'll never be able spell it.

Jimmy McGill:
What'd you eat for lunch, the whole roast beast?

Jimmy McGill:
Well then I wanna see the crime scene, 'cause you guys are missing something.

Detective #2:
Screw you, missing something.

Kim Wexler:
No, detectives, I um... I think that's a good idea.

Detective #2:
A good idea?

Kim Wexler:
Yes, I think we should invite Mr. McGill to the house.

Detective #2:
Why?

Jimmy McGill:
Yeah, why?

Saul Goodman:
I'm busting my nut here every day for 700 a throw, inhaling your B.M., which is straight from Satan's bunghole, and you can't tell one defendant from another?

Mike Ehrmantraut:
The lesson is, if you're gonna be a criminal, do your homework.

Price:
Wait, I-I'm not a bad guy, I don...

Mike Ehrmantraut:
I didn't say you're a bad guy, I said that you're a criminal.

Price:
What's the difference?

Mike Ehrmantraut:
I've known good criminals and bad cops, bad priests, honorable thieves-you can be on one side of the law or the other, but if you make a deal with somebody, you keep your word. You can go home today with your money and never do this again, but you took something that wasn't yours and you sold it for a profit. You're now a criminal; good one, bad one-that's up to you.

Saul Goodman:
You got the nuclear option, launch the doomsday device, game over, if working with me is what you really want!

Saul Goodman:
*You* called him. You called Hamlin. I always turn my phone off before I put it in your mailbox. Two nights ago, it was left on - battery drained. And I was so damn sure that I turned it off, you know, 'cause I always do. It's a habit, right? So, it was nagging me, it was *nagging* me! So, I called the phone company, turns out there was a deleted call at 2AM when I was asleep right there. And you know who's number? Hamlin's. The only person who could have made that call and deleted it is *you*, Chuck. Boy, that phone, huh? That phone must have felt like a blowtorch in your ear! All that electricity, all those radiowaves right up against the side of your head, my god! What was so important that you had to call Howard before our meeting? The only thing I can think of, the only thing that makes sense is you told him not to hire me. It was always you, right? Right back to when I passed the bar and tried to join the firm, *you* didn't want me. Speak up. Tell me why! It's the least you can do for me now! I'm your brother, we're supposed to look out for each other! Why were you working against me, Chuck?

Chuck McGill:
[in a feeble tone] You're not a real lawyer.

Saul Goodman:
I'm *what*?

Chuck McGill:
[now raising his voice defiantly] You're not a real lawyer! "University of American Samoa", for Christ's sake? An online course? What a joke! I worked my ass off to get where I am! And you take these shortcuts and you think suddenly you're my peer? You do what I do because you're funny and you can make people laugh? I committed my *life* to this! You don't slide into it like a cheap pair of slippers and then reap all the rewards!

Saul Goodman:
I thought you were proud of me.

Chuck McGill:
I was! When you straightened out and got a job in the mail room, I was *very* proud!

Saul Goodman:
So that's it, then, right? Keep ol' Jimmy down in the mail room, 'cause he's not good enough to be a lawyer.

Chuck McGill:
I know you. I know what you were, what you are. People don't change! You're Slippin' Jimmy! And Slippin' Jimmy I can handle just fine, but Slippin' Jimmy with a law degree is like a chimp with a machine gun! The law is *sacred*! If you abuse that power, people get hurt! This is not a game! And you *have* to know that on some level, I know you know I'm right. You know I'm right!

Saul Goodman:
[silent for a moment, and then breathes deeply] I... I got you a twenty-pound bag of ice and some bacon and some eggs and a couple of those steaks that you like, some fuel canisters, enough for three or four days. After that, you're on your own. I am done. [gets up and leaves]

Chuck McGill:
Jimmy... Jimmy. [gets up to go after him, Jimmy's already walking out to his car, Chuck stops at the doorway] Jimmy! Jimmy, come back inside! Jimmy! Jimmy! [Jimmy takes off, tires screeching; guilt-ridden, Chuck watches him drive away and then silently closes the door]

Rick Schweikart:
Mr. McGill, if you're talking about shredding documents, it's neither irregular nor illegal. Every business in America does it.

Jimmy McGill:
You say potato, I say spoliation.

Rick Schweikart:
Sorry to interrupt you this evening, enjoy "The Magic Flute". [Hangs up the phone]

Jimmy McGill:
Blow my magic flute.

Jimmy McGill:
Help me out here. Did I dream it, Or did I have $1,600,000 on my desk in cash? No one on god's green earth knew we had it. We could've split it 50/50. We could've gone home with $800,000... each! Tax-free!

Mike Ehrmantraut:
Your point being?

Jimmy McGill:
Why didn't we?

Mike Ehrmantraut:
I remember you saying something about doing the right thing. You want to know why I didn't take that money? Is that what you're asking?

Jimmy McGill:
Yeah, that's what I'm asking.

Mike Ehrmantraut:
Me, personally, I was hired to do a job. I did it. That's as far as it goes.

Jimmy McGill:
Yeah. Well, I know what stopped me. And you know what? It's never stopping me again.

Jimmy McGill:
Mrs. Nguyen, it's a beautiful day out there. You should get out of this place once in a while. You know, throw a frisbee, have some fun.

Mrs. Nguyen:
I have a business to run.

Jimmy McGill:
Uh, no. The business is running you.

Jimmy McGill:
I think that my talents are better spent elsewhere.

Kim Wexler:
Where? Floating in somebody else's pool?

Jimmy McGill:
You got to stop putting bacon on the list, 'cause that cooler's looking like a trichinosis stew.

Jimmy McGill:
It's discreet, like a stripper pole in a mosque.

Jimmy McGill:
Yeah, forget the boat. Look at the car. You know what that is?

Cal Lindholm:
I don't know. A station wagon?

Jimmy McGill:
It's a Mercury, a 1988 Mercury Sable wagon. Remember it. Burn it into your brains. You got it?

Cal Lindholm:
It's a Mercury Sable wagon. Sure.

Jimmy McGill:
Close your eyes. What color is it?

Cal Lindholm, Lars Lindholm:
Brown.

Jimmy McGill:
No, it's Medium Sandalwood. Keep your eyes closed.

Jimmy McGill:
The only way that entire car is worth 500 bucks is if there's a 300 dollar hooker sitting in it.

Saul Goodman:
The only way that car is worth 500 bucks is if there's a 300-dollar hooker sitting in it.

Saul Goodman:
You have meddled with the primal forces of nature, Mr. Hamlin, and I won't have it!

Howard Hamlin:
What can we do for you, Jimmy?