Big Bad Wolves

Narrator:
Little Red Riding Hood is all about the importance of sex education. And they don't teach you that someone's gonna come along and save your ass, just before the credits roll, in sex education.

Marlon:
I haven't had skull since Clinton was in office!

Narrator:
But she does this one thing - which is - before Red goes off she gives her this one piece of advice. She tells her to "stay on the path". She's gotta stay on the path! Because the woods are full bears and wolves and sh*t like that. Dangerous animals!

Narrator:
A cigar. Some people think its like a dick symbol, but at the same time it's just a smoke.

Bruno:
You saying that every time I light up this Havana, I'm actually smoking dick?

Narrator:
No I didn't say that.

Bruno:
You saying that, because I like a cigar, I'm some kind of f*ggot?

Narrator:
No that's not what I'm saying.

Franko:
He didn't say that!

Narrator:
Look all I'm saying is that some people read too much into a story like this and I don't want to be one of those people.

Bruno:
Oh! So because I like a cigar, some OTHER people will think I'm a f*ggot?

Narrator:
Like Snow White - the way the story used to go, Prince Charming finds Snow White lying in her coffin in the woods. And he doesn't kiss her on the cheek. He f***s her!

Steve:
Even though everyone thinks she's dead?

Narrator:
Yeah, even though everyone thinks she's dead. Charming thinks she'd dead, but he still f***s her! He's a creepy motherf***er!

Franko:
Now I know she's just a kid, but you'd think that Red could tell the difference between Granny and a Wolf?

Narrator:
Look, it's a metaphor. It's all a metaphor! It doesn't have to make perfect sense!

Franko:
Maybe she's short-sighted? My sister's short-sighted!

Narrator:
She is not f***ing short-sighted!

Steve:
Maybe she does recognize the Wolf? Maybe she wants to play along?

Marlon:
Why would she do that?

Steve:
Maybe she's, like, y'know... 'kinky'?

Narrator:
Look. She's the f***ing personification of innocence. She is not 'kinky' alright?

Franko:
He loves his f***ing wife! It's nothing to be ashamed of!