Blair Witch Project

Heather Donahue:
I just want to apologize to Josh's mom, and Mike's mom, and my mom. I am so sorry! Because it was my fault. I was the one who brought them here. I was the one that said "keep going south." I was the one who said that we were not lost. It was my fault, because it was my project. I am so scared! I don't know what's out there. We are going to die out here! I am so scared!

Michael Williams:
I could help you, but I'd rather stand here and record.

Joshua Leonard:
Are you happy?

Heather Donahue:
I'm not happy, no. But the car's not far - we're just not going to be able to find it in the dark.

Heather Donahue:
I tell you guys, two more hours max.

Michael Williams:
I agreed to a scouted-out project!

Heather Donahue:
How would we have, like, just... made a campsite in the middle of three piles of rocks, just by coincidence?

Joshua Leonard:
I gave you BACK the map, Heather.

Heather Donahue:
I gave you the map.

Joshua Leonard:
I gave you BACK... THE MAP.

Heather Donahue:
How's east?

Michael Williams:
East?

Heather Donahue:
Yeah, we've been going south all this time. How's east?

Michael Williams:
Wicked Witch of the West, Wicked Witch of the East. Which one was bad?

Heather Donahue:
Wicked Witch of the West was the bad one.

Michael Williams:
Then we should go east.

Michael Williams:
What are some of your favorite things to do?

Heather Donahue:
Well, on Sundays I used to like to go hiking, but now...

Heather Donahue:
I'm scared to close my eyes. I'm scared to open them.

Heather Donahue:
Mmmm. Marshmallows. Soft.

Joshua Leonard:
There was no beer on the island, man. If they had beer they would have had, like, big-ass orgies.

Michael Williams:
What's with that slime on your backpack?

Joshua Leonard:
That's not slime, it's just water. No wait, it is slime, what the f***?

Joshua Leonard:
I heard two noises coming from two sperate areas of space over there. One of them could have been a deer, but the other one sounded like a cackling.

Heather Donahue:
No way!

Joshua Leonard:
Yeah, it was like a serious cackling.

Heather Donahue:
See, my problem is that I sleep like a f***ing rock.

Michael Williams:
If I heard a cackling, I would have sh*t in my pants!

Heather Donahue:
Because this is America! We've exhausted all of our natural resources!

Heather Donahue:
I want to avoid being cheesy, here. I want to avoid any cheese.

Heather Donahue:
We have enough battery power to run a small third world country here.

Heather Donahue:
Witches in days gone by were roasted just like my Vienna sausage.

Josh Leonard:
I see why you like this video camera so much.

Heather Donahue:
You do?

Josh Leonard:
It's not quite reality. It's like a totally filtered reality. It's like you can pretend everything's not quite the way it is.

Josh Leonard:
OK, here's your motivation. You're lost, you're angry in the woods, and no one is here to help you. There's a witch and she keeps leaving sh*t outside your door. There's no one here to help you! She left little trinkets, you took one of them, she ran after us. There's no one here to help you! We walked for 15 hours today, we ended up in the same place! There's no one here to help you, THAT'S your motivation! THAT'S YOUR MOTIVATION!

Josh Leonard:
You gonna write us a happy ending, Heather?

Michael Williams:
I found some cigarettes. I found them all the way in the bottom of my pack. We're still alive 'cause we're smoking.

Heather Donahue:
I'm not allowed to smoke, but Mike's allowed to fart as much as he wants?

Josh Leonard:
I gave Mike no fart allowance.

Michael Williams:
Let's not call him "the Captain," you illiterate TV people. It's "the Skipper."

Michael Williams:
They're people f***ing with our heads.

Heather Donahue:
But no one knows we're out here.

Michael Williams:
Yeah, but have you ever seen 'Deliverance'?

Heather Donahue:
This is the first time we've seen Mike's chest. It's like blank, hairy, blank, hairy.

Michael Williams:
You should see my ass.

Heather Donahue:
Flames are licking you like the devil there, Josh.

Heather Donahue:
How the HELL are ya this morning?

Josh Leonard:
Tired.

Michael Williams:
There's people out here messing with us, and I'm not going to play with that.

Heather Donahue:
How do you know it was people?

Michael Williams:
Well, even if it isn't, I'm not going to play with that, either!

Josh Leonard:
What the hell is this blue jelly sh*t all over my sh*t?

Heather Donahue:
Are you eating a dead leaf?

Michael Williams:
Yes.