Blast from the Past

Adam:
Oh my lucky stars! A Negro!

Eve:
Where are you parked?

Adam:
I came on a bus.

Eve:
Why does that not surprise me.

Adam:
Oh no, why doesn't that sunrise you?

Eve:
Well, I guess because I'm a little psychic. I have this thing.

Adam:
Oh, that's nice.

Eve:
Yeah, let me guess something. This is your first visit to La-La-Land. You're staying somewhere in Hollywood because like an idiot you thought that would be an exciting place to stay. Am I right so far?

Adam:
So far?

Eve:
Yes, I'm right?

Adam:
Right.

Eve:
I knew it. Somehow you get on a bus and before you know it you're stuck in the San Fernando Valley without a clue, which brings us to here. Correct again?

Adam:
Again.

Eve:
Where are you staying? The Holiday Inn.

Adam:
Yes! The Holiday Inn. That's exactly right.

Eve:
See, I'm psychic. I mean not completely but pretty much. Pretty good, huh?

Adam:
No, amazing.

Eve:
Yeah I know. Thanks.

Adam:
Manners are a way of showing other people we care about them.

Eve:
Oh, you coward.

Troy:
Gentleman coward.

Calvin:
Would you like a tranquilizer?

Helen:
You have tranquilizers?

Calvin:
I told you, I have everything!

Calvin:
You have a wonderful sense of humor, son, I must say. The acorn does not fall far from the tree.

Adam:
What's baseball?

Calvin:
It's a game, son. I can explain it pretty easily. See, there's a pitcher...

Adam:
Oh, like a painting.

Calvin:
No, a pitch-er.

Adam:
Like one of mom's?

Calvin:
No. There's a man who throws a ball to a man who has a bat.

Adam:
Oh! The nocturnal flying mammal?

Adam:
Say, mom?

Helen:
Yes, dear?

Adam:
I was wondering, you know, while I was up there and all, I was thinking, well you know, I was wondering if maybe I could meet a girl? I've been thinking about that a little. Just these last fifteen years or so.

Helen:
Let me think it over.

Calvin:
Son. Adam.

Adam:
Yes, Father?

Calvin:
Don't forget: stay out of the adult bookstore.

Adam:
Adult bookstore. Why?

Calvin:
Poison gas. Invisible.

Calvin:
I just want to say, I think he's going to be fine.

Helen:
Thank you, Calvin, thank you very much.

Calvin:
He's smart!

Helen:
Yes, dear, I know, but he's still such a baby.

Calvin:
He's a man.

Helen:
He's a baby man.

Eve:
Rule number one in North America: no strangers in the car.

Adam:
Well if it will make you feel any better, I don't have a gun.

Eve:
Oh, well that changes everything.

Eve:
So for four thousand dollars, all I have to do is drive you to your hotel?

Adam:
Uh-huh!

Eve:
That's it?

Adam:
Yes.

Eve:
And I don't have to get physical in your spaceship?

Eve:
Here ya go, one champagne cocktail.

Adam:
Oh, thank you.

Eve:
I thought only hookers drank those things?

Adam:
Well, I know Mom sure likes 'em.

Troy:
Lying can be a very effective dating tool.

Troy:
Eve, a man walks into your life, who's the kindest, most polite, most incredibly rich guy you've ever met...

Eve:
And I have him committed.

Adam:
I think I'm being chased by a psychiatrist.

Soda Jerk:
It happens.

Eve:
Adam, Troy is gay.

Adam:
Well good for you!

Adam:
Uh, Eve, this is Adam. Look, I just wanted to thank you for everything you did for me. And I wanted to tell you that I... that uh... that I wish so many good things for you. I wish so hard that all of your dreams come true, and... and that's all I... and that's all.

Eve:
What have you been doing?

Adam:
Watching television... in color.

Eve:
Have you ever had sex before?

Adam:
No.

Eve:
How is that possible?

Eve:
I'm sick of working for that d*ckhead.

Adam:
What?

Eve:
You know, a walking penis capable of intelligent speech. A d*ckhead!

Troy:
I love sushi.

Adam:
I love Lucy.

Troy:
Who doesn't? She's hilarious.

Eve the psychic pimp.