Blues Brothers

Elwood:
Ow, you fat penguin.

Jake:
Ya see, me and the Lord have an understanding.

Curtis:
Boys, you got to learn not to talk to nuns that way.

Mrs. Murphy:
Help you two?

Elwood:
Do you have any white bread ma'am?

Mrs. Murphy:
Yeah.

Elwood:
I'll have some toasted white bread please.

Mrs. Murphy:
You want butter or jam on that, honey?

Elwood:
No ma'am, dry.

Jake:
Do you have any fried chicken ma'am?

Mrs. Murphy:
Best damned chicken in the state.

Jake:
Bring me four fried chickens and a Coke.

Mrs. Murphy:
You want chicken wings or chicken legs?

Jake:
Four fried chickens and a Coke.

Elwood:
And some dry white toast please.

Mrs. Murphy:
Ya'all want anything to drink with that?

Elwood:
No ma'am.

Jake:
A Coke.

Mrs. Murphy:
Be right back.

Elwood:
Illinois Nazis.

Jake:
I hate Illinois Nazis.

Elwood:
The light was yellow, sir.

Corrections Officer:
One Timex digital watch, broken. One unused prophylactic. One soiled.

Elwood:
You don't like it?

Jake:
No I don't like it...

Jake:
Of course it's got a lot of pickup...

Elwood:
It's got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what?

Jake:
Fix the cigarette lighter.

Jake:
The band... the band...

Reverend Cleophus James:
DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?

Jake:
THE BAND.

Reverend Cleophus James:
DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT?

Elwood:
What light?

Reverend Cleophus James:
HAVE YOU SEEEEN THE LIGHT?

Jake:
YES. YES. JESUS H. TAP-DANCING CHRIST... I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT.

Reverend Cleophus James:
Praise God.

Elwood:
And God bless the United States of America.

Jake:
How often does the train go by?

Elwood:
So often you don't even notice it.

Elwood:
Oh no.

Jake:
What the f*** was that?

Elwood:
The motor. We've thrown a rod.

Jake:
Is that serious?

Elwood:
Yup.

Donald 'Duck' Dunn:
We had a band powerful enough to turn goat piss into gasoline.

Mrs. Tarantino:
Are you the police?

Elwood:
No, ma'am. We're musicians.

Curtis:
Well, the Sister was right. You boys could use a little churching up. Slide on down to the Triple Rock, and catch Rev. Cleophus. You boys listen to what he's got to say.

Jake:
Curtis, I don't want to listen to no jive-ass preacher talking to me about Heaven and Hell.

Curtis:
Jake, you get wise. You get to church.

Jake:
You were outside, I was inside. You were supposed to keep in touch with the band. I kept asking you if we were gonna play again.

Elwood:
What was I gonna do? Take away your only hope? Take away the very thing that kept you going in there? I took the liberty of bullshitting you.

Jake:
You lied to me.

Elwood:
Wasn't lies, it was just... bullshit.

Elwood:
Sh*t.

Jake:
What?

Elwood:
Rollers...

Jake:
No.

Elwood:
Yeah.

Jake:
Sh*t.

Elwood:
Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now.

Jake:
First you trade the Cadillac for a microphone. Then you lie to me about the band. Now you're gonna put me right back in the joint.

Elwood:
They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God.

Elwood:
Baby clothes...

Jake:
This place has got everything.

Elwood:
We're on a mission from God.

Matt Murphy:
But babes, this is Jake and Elwood. The Blues Brothers.

Mrs. Murphy:
The Blues Brothers? Shiiit. They still owe you money, fool. You're livin' with me now. You ain't goin' back out on the road and playin' them old two-bit sleazy dives, and y'ain't gonna go slidin' around witcho ol' white hoodlum friends.

Jake:
Ma'am, would it make you feel any better if we told you that what we're asking Matthew to do is a holy thing?

Elwood:
We're on a mission from God.

Mrs. Murphy:
Don't you blaspheme in here. Don't you blaspheme in here. This is my man, this is my restaurant, and you two are gonna turn around and walk right out of here - without your dry white toast, without your four fried chickens, and withOUT Matt 'Guitar' Murphy.

Murph:
Tell me a little about this electric piano, Ray.

Ray:
Ah, you have a good eye, my man. That's the best in the city Chicago.

Jake:
How much?

Ray:
2000 bucks and it's yours. You can take it home with you. As a matter of fact, I'll throw in the black keys for free.

Elwood:
What kind of music do you usually have here?

Claire:
Oh, we got both kinds. We got country *and* western.

Jake:
Book us for tomorrow night.

Maury Sline:
Hold it, hold it. "Tomorrow night", what are you talking about. A gig like that, you gotta prepare the proper exploitation.

Elwood:
I know all about that stuff. I have been exploited all my life.

Police Dispatcher:
Use of unnecessary violence in the apprehension of the Blues Brothers HAS been approved.

Burton Mercer:
Who wants an orange whip? Orange whip? Orange whip? Three orange whips.

Elwood:
It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.

Jake:
Hit it.

Elwood:
Hey Jake. Gotta be at least seven dollars worth of change here.

Elwood:
I bet these cops got SCMODS.

Jake:
SCMODS?

Elwood:
State County Municipal Offender Data System.

Maury Sline:
Five thousand dollars. Who do you guys think you are, The Beatles?

Jake:
That Night Train's a mean wine.

Elwood:
You want I should wipe the dead bugs off the windshield, ma'am?

The Cheese Whiz:
You got my Cheez Wiz, boy?

Elwood:
You on the motorcycle... You two girls... tell your friends.

Jake:
Uh, Bob, about the money for tonight.

Bob:
Oh, yeah, $200, and you boys drank $300 worth of beer.

Jake:
I want to buy your women... the little girl... your daughters. Sell them to me. Sell me your children.

Jake:
1060 West Addison? That's Wrigley Field.

Willie 'Too Big' Hall:
I say we give the blues brothers one more chance

Donald 'Duck' Dunn:
Why not? If the sh*t fits, wear it.

Donald 'Duck' Dunn:
Scoot over, goddamnit.

Jake:
If you say no, Elwood and I will come here for breakfast, lunch, and dinner... every day of the week...

Mr. Fabulous:
Okay, okay. You got me. I'll play.

Jake:
My name is Jacob Stein. I'm from the American Federation of Music. I've been sent to see if you gentlemen are carrying your permits.

Tucker McElroy:
Our what?

Jake:
Your union cards. May I see your cards please?

Tucker McElroy:
Well, suppose we ain't got no union cards and go in there and start playin' anyway? Whatcha gonna do about that? You gonna stop us, Stein? Ha. You're gonna look pretty funny tryin' to eat corn on the cob with no f***in' teeth.

Elwood:
Who *is* that girl?

Mrs. Murphy:
We got two honkies out there, dressed like Hasidic diamond merchants.

Matt Murphy:
Say what?

Mrs. Murphy:
They look like they're from the CIA, or somethin'.

Matt Murphy:
What they want to eat?

Mrs. Murphy:
The tall one wants white toast, dry, with nothin' on it.

Matt Murphy:
Elwood.

Mrs. Murphy:
And the short one wants four whole fried chickens, and a Coke.

Matt Murphy:
And Jake. Sh*t, the Blues Brothers.

Elwood:
We'll be all right if we can just get back on the expressway.

Jake:
This don't look like no expressway to me, pal.

Elwood:
Don't yell at me.

Jake:
Well whadda you want me to do, Motorhead?

Elwood:
Why da ya gotta be so negative all the time? Why can't ya offer some... constructive criticism?

Burton Mercer:
This, gentlemen, is the humble abode of one Elwood Blues.

Officer Mount:
Yeah, thanks, Mr. Mercer.

Burton Mercer:
You know, I kind of like the Wrigley Field bit.

Officer Mount:
Yeah, *real* cute.

Jake:
What are we doing here?

Elwood:
You promised you'd visit the penguin the day you got out.

Jake:
Yeah? So I lied to her.

Elwood:
You can't lie to a nun. We got to go in and visit the penguin.

Jake:
No... f***ing... way.

Head Nazi:
Anybody with that kind of record is gonna make a mistake. I want all party members in the tri state district to monitor the city, county and state police on their CBs. Mr. Blues is gonna f*** up, and when he does, he better pray the police get to him before we do.

Officer Mount:
I don't believe it. It's that shitbox Dodge again!

Jake:
I hate Illinois nazis'

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