Boondock Saints

Murphy:
Where the f*** are you going?

Connor:
Shhh. I'm trying to figure some sh*t out, so keep your trap shut.

Murphy:
Ahh, f*** you. I'm sweatin' my ass off carrying your f***in' rope around. Must weigh 30 lbs...

Connor:
Shhh. You're f***ing sh*t up now, so get a-f***ing-hold of yourself!

Murphy:
Oh, F*** YOU! I'm not the rope totin', Charlie Bronson-wannabe getting us f***ing lost!

Connor:
Would you shut it?

Connor:
Jesus Christ!

Monsignor:
We must always fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil that we must fear the most, and that is the indifference of good men.

Connor:
I do believe the monsignor's finally got the point.

Murphy:
Aye.

Doc:
You know what they say: People in glass houses sink sh... sh... sh... ships.

Rocco:
I got to buy you a proverb book or something, because this mix 'n' match sh*t's got to go.

Doc:
What?

Connor:
Well, a penny saved is worth two in the bush, isn't it?

Murphy:
And don't cross the road if you can't get out of the kitchen.

Murphy:
So you're Chekov, huh? Well, this here's McCoy. Find a Spock, we got us an away team.

Paul Smecker:
We'll start the ass-kissing with you.

Il Duce:
And no man shall shed blood, but by man shall his blood be shed.

Connor:
Now you will receive us.

Murphy:
We do not ask for your poor, or your hungry.

Connor:
We do not want your tired and sick.

Murphy:
It is your corrupt we claim.

Connor:
It is your evil that will be sought by us.

Murphy:
With every breath, we shall hunt them down.

Connor:
Each day we will spill their blood, 'til it rains down from the skies.

Murphy:
Do not kill. Do not rape. Do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace.

Connor:
These are not polite suggestions, these are codes of behavior, and those of you that ignore them will pay the dearest cost.

Murphy:
There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth, not to push the bounds and cross over, in to true corruption, into our domain.

Connor:
For if you do, one day you will look behind you and you will see we three, and on that day you will reap it.

Murphy:
And we will send you to whatever god you wish.

Yakavetta:
I'm having a shitty day. I'm depressed. Tell me a funny joke.

Rocco:
Uh, OK. There's these three guys walking on the beach, a spic, a white guy, and a black guy.

Yakavetta:
N*gger.

Rocco:
Yeah, right. So they find this pot, rub it, and a genie comes out. The genie says, "You can wish for whatever you want." So he asks the Mexican what he wants, and he says "I want all my people in America to be happy and free, and in Mexico." So the genie goes poof. It's done. Then he says to the black guy...

Vincenzo Lipazzi:
N*gger.

Rocco:
Yeah, right, he says to the n*gger "What do you want?" and the n*gger says, "I want all my n*gger brothers to be back in Africa, and happy and free and everything." So the genie goes poof. And they're all back in Africa. So... I'm not funny today, really, this joke sucks, I know...

Yakavetta:
Continue the joke.

Rocco:
Uh, so he says to the white guy, "What's your one wish?" And the white guy says, "Wait, you mean to tell me that all the spics and n*ggers are out of America?" The genie goes yeah, and the white guy says, uh, "I'll have a Coke, then."

Connor:
You know what we need? Some rope.

Murphy:
What are you, insane?

Connor:
No, I'm serious. Charlie Bronson's always got a rope. In the movies, they've always got rope and they always end up using it.

Murphy:
That's stupid. Name one f***ing thing you're gonna need a rope for.

Connor:
It's not what they need it for, they just always need it.

Murphy:
What's this "they" sh*t? This isn't a movie.

Connor:
Oh, is that right, Rambo?

Murphy:
All right, get your stupid f***ing rope.

Paul Smecker:
You know, you Irish cops are perking up. That's two sound theories in one day, neither of which deal with abnormally sized men. Kind of makes me feel like Riverdancing.

Connor:
Well, "Name one thing you're gonna need this stupid f***ing rope for."

Murphy:
That was way easier than I thought it would be.

Connor:
Aye.

Murphy:
On TV you always have that guy that jumps over the sofa...

Connor:
And then you've got to shoot at him for ten f***ing minutes.

Murphy:
We're good.

Connor:
Yes, we are.

Rocco:
They can suck my pathetic little dick, and I'll dip my nuts in marinara sauce just so those fat bastards can get a taste of home while they're at it.

Rocco:
I killed your cat, you druggie b*tch.

Donna:
What? Why?

Rocco:
I thought it would bring closure to our relationship.

Murphy:
Kind of liberating, isn't it?

Rocco:
You know, it is a bit.

Connor:
We haven't really figured out a system to decide who.

Rocco:
Me. I'm the guy. I know everyone. I know their habits, who they hang out with. I got phone numbers, addresses. I know who they're f***ing, I know where they live. We could kill EVERYONE.

Murphy:
So what do you think?

Connor:
I'm strangely comfortable with it.

Paul Smecker:
Greenly, the day I want the Boston Police to do my thinking for me is the day I will have a f***ing tag on my toe.

Yakavetta:
He's happy now, just killing us one by one. And worse, he's good at it.

Augustus DiStephano:
Your father and I used him three times in twenty years, only when things got totally f***ed. Whenever we needed one of our own bumped off, we called this guy in. He had a thing for clipping wiseguys, but only one rule: No women, no kids. Believe me, kid, you don't want this guy unless you are one hundred percent sure you need him. He's a f***ing monster.

Murphy:
The hits just keep on coming. I love our new job.

Rocco:
This guy takes out a whole family... wife, kids, everybody... like he's ordering f***ing pizza.

Paul Smecker:
So you're telling me it was one guy with six guns, and he was a senior frigging citizen?

Murphy:
There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth not to push the bounds and cross over into true corruption, into our domain.

Murphy:
Do not kill. Do not rape. Do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace.

Connor:
How far are we going to take this, Da?

Il Duce:
The question is not how far. The question is, do you possess the constitution, the depth of faith, to go as far as is needed?

Connor:
It's the real deal, Roc. Evil man, dead man.

Connor:
What the f*** are you doing?

Rocco:
...I'll tip her.

Murphy:
We're sorta like 7-11. We're not always doin' business, but we're always open.

Connor:
That was nicely put.

Yakavetta:
The 90's are killing me. I shouldn't have done that. You're not supposed to tell a guy you're gonna kill him no more. I got to tiptoe through the tulips with these a**holes. Taking all the fun out of the job.

Il Duce:
Never shall innocent blood be shed, yet the blood of the wicked shall flow like a river. The Three shall spread their blackened wings and be the vengeful striking hammer of God.

Rocco:
Feels like it's still there.

Connor:
Yeah, well it's not.

Connor:

Connor:

Paul Smecker:
Television is the explanation for this. You see this in bad television. Little assault guys creeping through the vents, coming in through the ceiling - that James Bond sh*t never happens in real life, professionals don't do that.

Doc:
Why don't you make like a tree, and get the f*** outta here?

Rocco:
Shut your fat ass, Rayvie! I can't even go to the store to get a pack of smokes without runnin' into nine guys you've f***ed.

Paul Smecker:
So Duffy, have any theories to go with that tie?

Connor:
Jesus. He brought a six-shooter.

Murphy:
There's nine bodies, genius.

Connor:
What the f*** were you going to do, laugh the last three to death, Funny-Man?

Connor:
These decent men with loving families, they go home every day after work, and turn on the news and you know what they see? They see rapists and murderers and child molestors and they're all getting' out of jail.

Murphy:
"Mafiosos," getting' caught with 20 kilos, getting' out on bail. Same f***ing day.

Connor:
And everyone, everywhere thinks the same thing: that someone should just go kill those mother f***ers.

Murphy:
Kill 'em all. Admit it, even you've thought about it.

Paul Smecker:
There was a FIRE FIGHT.

Rocco:
F***ing... What the f***. Who the f*** f***ed this f***ing... How did you two f***ing f***s...

Rocco:
f***!

Connor:
Well, that certainly illustrates the diversity of the word.

The Priest:
Would they ever harm an innocent person for any reason?

Paul Smecker:
No, they would never do that.

Paul Smecker:
Well, the two Irish guys wouldn't, the Italian guy, he might, he's kind of an idiot.

Paul Smecker:
Good shooting, shitty shooting.

Paul Smecker:
I put evil men behind bars, but the law has miles of red tape and loopholes for these cocksuckers to slip through.

Rocco:
Hey f***-ass, gimme a beer.

Paul Smecker:
Just pour the drink, you fairy f***.

Paul Smecker:
What are you doing?

Paul Smecker:
Cuddle? What a fag.

Connor:
Destroy all that which we receive.

Murphy:
So that which is good may flourish.

Murphy:
I can't believe that just f***ing happened!

Rocco:
Is it dead?

Detective Greenly:
These guys are miles away by now, but if you want to beat your head against a wall, here's what you're looking for: They're scared, like two little bunny rabbits. Anything in a uniform or flashing blue lights is gonna spook 'em. Ok? So the only thing we can do is put a potato on a string and drag it through South Boston. And thanks for comin' out.

Murphy:
You'd probably have better luck with beer.

Connor:
Aye, you would.

Detective Greenly:
F***.

Paul Smecker:
Hey Greenly; onion bagel, cream cheese.

Detective Greenly:
Where you goin'? Nowhere.

Connor:
Now Roc... are you sure that you're obee-kaybee?

Rocco:
Boy, you guys sure did a good job. Ah sh*t, you guys are good huh? Cool masks. Where'd you get 'em?

Rocco:
Hey Boris, what would you do if I told you your Pinko Commie mother sucked so much dick, her face looked like an egg?

Detective Duffy:
This was their target, the fag-man.

Paul Smecker:
The what-man?

Detective Duffy:
The fat man.

Paul Smecker:
Well, well. Freud was right.

Il Duce:
You must watch, dear. It'll all be over soon.

Connor:
Donna's gonna be angry about her cat.

Rocco:
F***, she's on every drug known to man. She'd have sold the thing for a dime-bag. Screw her.

Rocco:
I do kinda feel like an a**hole, though.

Connor:
Yeah, Roc, you sound real remorseful there.

Detective Greenly:
What if it was one guy with six guns?

Paul Smecker:
Why don't you let me do the thinking, huh, genius?

Detective Greenly:
I ain't getting him no f***ing bagel.

Paul Smecker:
Why don't you get me a cup of coffee?

Detective Greenly:
Who the hell is this...?

Paul Smecker:
Cafe latte.

Detective Greenly:
What the f***...?

Paul Smecker:
Twist of lemon.

Detective Greenly:
Chief, what the f*** is this?

Paul Smecker:
Sweet'N Low.

Murphy:
Yeah, it's St. Patty's Day, everyone's Irish tonight. Why don't you just pull up a stool and have a drink with us?

Rocco:
Wyatt-f***in-Earp!

Il Duce:
When I vest my flashing sword, and my hand takes hold in judgment, I will take vengeance upon mine enemies, and I will repay those who haze me. Oh Lord, raise me to Thy right hand and count me among Thy saints.

Deuteronomy 32:
41-43 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)

41:

when I whet my flashing sword,

and my hand takes hold on judgment;

I will take vengeance on my adversaries,

and will repay those who hate me.

Paul Smecker:
Looks like we've got ourselves a cowboy.

Yakavetta:
You insignifi-C*NT, little f***!

Mackiepenny:
Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, now and forever. Amen.

Connor:
It's like a scumbag yard sale.

Murphy:
We should come down here once a week and clean house.

Detective Greenly:
Tooralooraloora!

I'm f***in' fine. Catch you on the flipside".

"Shut your fat ass Rainey! I can't even buy a pack of smokes without running into 9 guys you've f***ed!"

Birds of a feather, sting like a bee

Murphy (to Connor):
"Is that right,Rambo?"