Bring It On

Courtney:
Darcy thinks she should get captain 'cause her dad pays for everything.

Whitney:
He should use some of that money to buy her a clue.

Kasey:
Courtney'll get captain. The guys like touching her butt.

Darcy:
Yeah, she's got a lot to hang on to. What's the plural for 'butt'? On one person, I mean.

Carver:
She puts the "ass" in "massive".

Darcy:
You put the "lewd" in "deluded".

Whitney:
She puts the "itch" in "b*tch".

Courtney:
She puts the "whore" in "horrify".

Sparky:
I am a choreographer. That's what I do. You are cheerleaders. Cheerleaders are dancers who have gone retarded. What you do is a tiny, pathetic subset of dancing. I will attempt to turn your robotic routines into poetry, written with the human body. Follow me, or perish, sweater monkeys.

Missy:
Hey, perv.

Cliff:
Gahhh!

Missy:
Hand over your fifteen bucks or get out of here.

Cliff:
What are you doing?

Missy:
Making money from guys oogling my goodies

Cliff:
Aww, I didn't need to hear that. That was an over-share.

Courtney:
Why does everyone have to go on a diet?

Sparky:
Because! In cheerleading we throw people into the air. And fat people don't go as high.

Courtney:
Let's not put the "duh" in dumb!

Courtney:
I hate to be predictable, but I don't give a sh*t! We learned that routine fair and square. We logged the man-hours. Don't punish the squad for Big Red's mistake. This isn't about cheating. This is about winning. Everyone in favor of winning?

Whitney:
Oh, don't play dumb. We're better at it then you.

Courtney:
You were having cheer-sex with him!

Aaron:
We'll be reunited at Cal State Dominguez Hills! I'll be the experienced sophomore, you'll be the hot new freshman. It'll be just like high school, only better. Dorm rooms.

Football Announcer:
Our next defeat is scheduled for next Tuesday.

Jan:
Hey ladies, wanna see my spirit stick?

Big Red:
You are all great athletes, thanks in large part... to me.

Darcy:
Big Red ran the show, man. We were just flying ignorami, for sobbing out loud.

Jan:
You know, all the cheerleaders in the world wouldn't help our football team.

Les:
It's just sad. Cheering for them is just plain mean!

Missy:
What is your sexuality?

Les:
Well, Jan's straight, and I'm... controversial.

Missy:
Are you trying to tell me you speak fag?

Les:
Oh, fluently.

Isis:
Hey! Enjoy the show?

Lava:
Yes, were the ethnic festivities to your liking today?

Isis:
You wanna make it right? Then when you go to Nationals... bring it. Don't slack off because you feel sorry for us. That way, when we beat you, we'll know it's because we're better.

Torrance Shipman:
Oh, I'll bring it. Don't worry.

Isis:
I never do.

Torrance Shipman:
You know, mothers have killed to get their daughters on squads.

Christine Shipman:
That mother didn't kill anybody. She hired a hit man.

Torrance Shipman:
Ever been to a cheerleading competition?

Missy:
Oh, you mean like a football game?

Torrance Shipman:
No, not a game, those are like practices for us. I'm talking about a tournament. ESPN cameras all around. Hundreds of people cheering.

Cliff:
Wait a minute, people cheering... cheerleaders?

Torrance Shipman:
That's right. Lots of people. Here's the deal, Missy. We're the sh*t, the best. We work hard, have fun, and win national championships. I'm offering you a chance to be a part of that.

Missy:
See, I'm a hardcore gymnast. No way jumping up and down yelling "Go Team Go!" is gonna satisfy me.

Torrance Shipman:
We're gymnasts too, except no beams, no bars.

Aaron:
You're a great cheerleader, Tor, and you're cute as hell. Maybe you're just not "captain" material.

Torrance Shipman:
So, is that your band or something?

Cliff:
The Clash? Uh... no. It's a British punk band, circa 1977 to 1983-ish, original lineup anyway.

Torrance Shipman:
How vintage!

Jan:
They don't go, we win; once again, we're the best.

Torrance Shipman:
I define being the best as competing against the best there is out there and beating them. They have to go.

Aaron:
Big Red's a b*tch, we all know that! Even she knows that!

Sparky:
I want you to think of what you ate today. Got it? Now cut that in half, this is called a diet, people, everyone start one today! Darcy, you should stop eating. You see, when you skip a meal, your body feeds off its fat stores. And if you skip enough, maybe your body will eat your ass!

Torrance Shipman:
Courtney, this is not a democracy, it's a cheerocracy. I'm sorry, but I'm overruling you.

Courtney:
You are being a cheer-tator Torrance and a pain in my ass!

Missy:
All right, we'll just get it over with. Hey, Torrence, get over here.

Missy:
My brother wants to check out your rack.

Torrance Shipman:
My entire cheerleading career has been a lie.

Missy:
Well, look on the bright side - It's only cheerleading!

Torrance Shipman:
I *am* only cheerleading.

Jenelope:
Can we just beat these Buffys down so I can go home? I'm on curfew girl.

Kasey:
Except, it's gonna cost us $2,000.

Darcy:
Do I have the letters 'A-T-M' tatooed on my forehead?

Torrance Shipman:
I was thinking more D-A-D-D-Y.

Big Red:
I'm sexy, I'm cute, / I'm popular to boot.

Big Red:
Call me Big Red.

Whitney:
W-W-W-W-Whitney.

Courtney:
C-C-C-C-Courtney.

Darcy:
Dude, it's Darcy.

Carver:
I'm big bad Carver. Yeah!

Kasey:
Just call me Kasey!

Big Red:
I'm... still Big Red, / I sizzle, I scorch, / But now I pass the torch, / The ballots are in, / And one girl had to win, / She's perky, she's fun, / And now she's number one, / K-K-Kick it Torrance, / T-T-T-Torrance!

Torrance Shipman:
I'm strong and I'm loud, / I'm gonna make you proud, / I'm T-T-T-Torrance, / Your captain Torrance.

Torrance Shipman:
If we're gonna be the best, we have to have the best. Missy's the poo,

Torrance Shipman:
so take a big whiff!

Les:
You know, everyone's saying that your ambition broke Carver's leg.

Torrance Shipman:
When really it was the angle in which she slammed into the ground.

Les:
Kasey did a massive e-mail last night, misspelled "leg".

Torrance Shipman:
Shut up!

Les:
Two G's.

Aaron:
I got the door, Torr! I got the door, Torr!

Torrance Shipman:
It's her last cheerleading practice. How would you guys feel?

Courtney:
Big Red has no feelings.

Whitney:
Just testicles.

Courtney:
Where the hell are my spanky pants?

Justin Shipman:
Hey, I have to tell you something!

Torrance Shipman:
I'm on the phone creep!

Justin Shipman:
I realize that, and normally I'd be listening on the other line, but this is important.

Torrance Shipman:
Ok, what?

Torrance Shipman:
Ugh! Get Out!

Justin Shipman:
Thank you for listening.

Darcy:
Remember: They give extra points for alacrity and effulgence.

Kasey:
Did we bring those?

Torrance Shipman:
He's your brother, you don't see him the way I do.

Missy:
And that's a good thing because that would be a crime.

Cliff:
So, second place... how does it feel?

Torrance Shipman:
It feels like first.

Torrance Shipman:
Hey...

Darcy:
The words "big" and "britches" come to mind.

Whitney:
She's crazy. She'll kill us all.

Courtney:
Some of us haven't spent the whole summer working out. Right, Carver?

Courtney:
Pass, ew! Good riddance!

Whitney:
I don't believe in osmosis.

Darcy:
Bring on the tyros, the neophytes, and the dilettantes.

Jan:
SATs are over, Darcy.

Darcy:
And you're still jealous of my score.

Sparky:
I understand you have underwear up your ass right now, but it beats the hell out of a shattered skull. Think about it.

Jan:
Dude! You just lost!

Missy:
So is every game that eventful?

Torrance Shipman:
No, thank God. We have a real situation on our hands. I mean, we were humiliated on our own terf.

Missy:
We might have to have a rumble.

Torrance Shipman:
This is a serious problem!

Missy:
Oh, so is your breath.

Missy:
I don't know what's scarier, neurotic cheerleaders or the pressure to win. I could make a killing selling something like Diet Prozac.

Torrance Shipman:
Thank God you're here this season Missy. I couldn't have done it alone.

Missy:
Aww, tear.

[Opening scene:
A pep-rally style cheerleading performance.]

Big Red:
I'm sexy! I'm cute! I'm popular to boot!

The Toros:
I'm bitchin'. Great hair! The boys all love to stare!

I'm wanted! I'm hot! I'm everything you're not!

I'm pretty! I'm cool! I dominate this school.

Who am I? Just guess! Guys wanna touch my chest!

I'm rockin'! I smile! And many think I'm vile!

I'm flying, I jump! You can look but don't you hump! Whoo!

I'm major! I roar! I swear I'm not a whore!

We cheer, and we lead! We act like we're on speed!

Hate us 'cause we're beautiful, well, we don't like you either! We're cheerleaders! We are cheerleaders! Roll call!

Big Red:
Call me Big Red!

Whitney:
I'm Wh-Wh-Whitney!

Courtney:
C-C-C-Courtney! Rawr!

Darcy:
Dude, it's Darcy!

Carver:
I'm big bad Carver! Yeah!

Kasey:
Just call me Kasey!

Big Red:
I'm still Big Red.

I sizzle! I scorch! But now I pass the torch.

The ballots, are in. And one girl had to win.

She's perky, she's fun! And now she's number 1! K-kick it Torrance! T-T-T-Torrance!

Torrance:
I'm strong and I'm loud! I'm gonna make you proud, I'm T-T-Torrance! Your captain, Torrance!

Toros Cheer Squad:
Let's go, Toros! We are the Toros, the mighty, mighty Toros! We're so terrific, we must be Toros!

Complaining Girl:
How many cheers do we actually have to memorize? Do we get paid for this? Do I have to provide my own uniform? [after a few more people] Oh, and I see you guys are wearing red. That just does not work for me. [after a few more people] Do I really have to wear those little underwear things,'cause I don't like wearing underwear.

Torrance:
Thanks.

Whitney:
She puts the "itch" in "b*tch."

Courtney:
She puts the "whore" in "horrifying."

[Torrance's mom disapproves of her light class schedule.]

Torrance:
Will Advanced Chem get you off my back?

Christine Shipman [Torrance's mom]:
Not completely, but it'll help.

Torrance:
Done. [starts to leave, then turns back] You know, mothers have killed to get their daughters on squads.

Christine Shipman:
That mother didn't kill anybody. She hired a hit man.

Les:
You know, people are saying that your ambition broke Carver's leg.

Torrance:
When really it was the angle at which she slammed into the ground.

Torrance:
They humiliated us — on our own turf!

Missy:
[sarcastically] We might have to have a rumble!

Torrance:
What the hell is up? I go out on a limb for you and you just bail?!

Missy:
I'm not about stealing here!

Torrance:
What are you talking about?

Missy:
You ripped off those cheers!

Torrance:
Listen Missy, our cheers are 100% original, count the trophies.

Missy:
Well, your trophies are bullshit because you're sad-ass liars.

Torrance:
Okay, that's it. Get off the car I'm gonna kick your ass!

Missy:
Oh really, [pauses for a second]. You're in for rude awakening, get in.

Torrance:
What?! No way.

Missy:
For real, get in.

[An increasingly frantic Torrance tries to reach her boyfriend at college, while her kid brother plays video games and enjoys her suffering.]

Torrance:
Get OUT of here!

Justin:
This is the living room. It's public domain.

...

Justin:
It's not my fault you're in love with a big gay cheerleader who won't return your phone calls.

Torrance:
Aaaron is not gay!

Justin:
Oh, what — so somebody just made him become a cheerleader?

Torrance:
He's just... busy!

Justin:
Yeah. Busy scamming on guys!

[Torrance goes to the apartment of her boyfriend Aaron]

Torrance:
Is this a bad time?

Aaron:
Yeah I worked on this project... and I'm....

Torrance:
[butting in] Yeah you sound super busy.. I guess that's it, you were too busy to believe in me! No no but wait, you weren't too busy to sell me out to Courtney and Whitney were you? Gee..now I'm confused. Well, I hope you're not too busy to hear this. Kiss my ass Aaron. It's over!

[Torrance opens the door and found a woman in lingerie on Aaron's bed.]

Torrance:
You're a great cheerleader Aaron. It's just that maybe you're not exactly boyfriend material. Buh-bye!

[Torrance is spotted making eyes at Cliff Pantone while cheering.]

Whitney:
You're, like, totally his eye-candy.

Courtney:
God, I can't believe you'd do that to Aaron.

Whitney:
Especially with him.

Torrance:
What are you talking about?

Whitney:
Don't play dumb with us. We're better at it than you.

Courtney:
You were having cheer-sex with him.

Jan:
Everyone comes to see you ladies anyway.

Missy:
'Cause we're such fine athletes.

Jan:
Oh, live with it! You'll be fighting off major oglers while we're defending our sexuality.

Missy:
What is your sexuality?

Les:
Well, Jan's straight, while I'm... controversial.

Missy Are you trying to tell me you speak fag?

Les:
Oh, fluently.

[Cliff's sister is washing cars in a bikini.]

Cliff:
What are you doing?

Missy:
Making money from guys oogling my goodies.

Cliff:
Oh... oh, I didn't need to hear that. That was an overshare.

...

[Missy has called Torrance over.]

Missy:
[to Cliff] Let's just get this over with. [to Torrance] My brother wants to check out your rack.

[Missy walks away; there's a moment of awkward silence.]

Cliff:
You know, I begged my parents for a brother.

Torrance:
He'd look a little ridiculous in that bikini, now wouldn't he?

Courtney:
I hate to be predictable, but I don't give a sh*t!

Courtney:
This isn't about cheating, this is about winning! Everyone in favor of winning?

Courtney:
You're a cheer-tator Torrance, and a pain in my ass!

Whitney:
Don't play dumb. We're better at it than you!