Brothers & Sisters

Justin Walker:
What are you now, like 35 years old? Have you ever had a relationship that's lasted longer than three weeks? You walk around in your suit and tie pretending that you're a man, but you know what? You're just a boy, you're a scared little boy.

Kevin Walker:
Actually, I have a boyfriend, and I have for quite a while now.

Justin Walker:
Yeah, you know what? Big freaking whoop!

Justin Walker:
[looking at Holly] And what is *she* doing here?

Holly Harper:
I'm here for my daughter.

Rebecca Harper:
Justin...

Justin Walker:
Don't, don't! Because you are beyond pathetic. You spend so much time trying to get somebody to love you that you can't help anyone.

Holly Harper:
That's enough, Justin!

Justin Walker:
What are you, the protective mother now? Because in case you missed it, your daughter's been living here all summer wishing she was a Walker. You two are the same, you'll do anything, no, I'm sorry, *screw* anyone to be part of this family!

Saul Holden:
Kevin, you may have grown up in a world where men walk around in public holding hands, but at the end of the day you are one of the loneliest people I have ever known.

Robert McCallister:
Look, I'm warning you. Don't mistake my kindness for weakness again. I am the most ambitious man you will ever meet.

Nora Walker:
I have always wanted you desperately to find somebody to love.

Saul Holden:
How do you know that I haven't?

Nora Walker:
Stop talking in circles.

Saul Holden:
Nora, I am not who you think I am.

Nora Walker:
My husband was in love with another woman for most of our marriage.

Saul Holden:
Well, I was in love with a man.

Warren Salter:
We don't love the people we love because they're perfect, we love the people we love because they are.

Kitty Walker:
He did love you though. He did.

Nora Holden Walker:
But he didn't give up anything to do it. What kind of love is that?

Warren Salter:
Nora?

Nora Walker:
Yes? Would you care for some more lamb?

Warren Salter:
No thank you. What's going on?

Nora Walker:
What do you mean?

Warren Salter:
Well, why isn't anyone but us talking?

Nora Walker:
Oh... Well, they all think that I don't know that my husband had an affair with that women Holly over there; a long one, with a cunning little cottage built for two to go with it. Yes, Warren, you see they all think I'm living in the dark and they're terrified that I'm going to figure it all out tonight. And in their panic and obliviousness and their eagerness to handle me they've lost their very basic ability to conduct themselves in a social circumstance. It's very sad, but there it is... Will someone please pass the mango-peach salsa to Scotty.

Joe Whedon:
That's your best quality: you're a secret mess.

Sarah Whedon:
Not such a secret.

Joe Whedon:
Not such a mess.

Warren Salter:
You don't know me, Kitty, but you're the first woman I've met in years who sends me spinning. I see you and I drop ten stories inside, every time.

Kitty Walker:
Ah, Warren, you know what? We're not in the last ten minutes of a Julia Roberts movie.

Justin Walker:
It's too much? You want to know what's too much? She's HERE. Mom invited her here.

Kitty Walker:
What do you mean "she's here"?

Justin Walker:
I mean she's out there drinking mojitoes and... and wearing big jewelery!

Kitty Walker:
I just lost you forever, didn't I?

Jonathan Sellers:
I think so, yeah.

Warren Salter:
So, what do you say we go out to dinner? Il Sole? Last week they sat me between Larry King and Fergie.

Kitty Walker:
Warren, I'm not having dinner with you, or Fergie, anywhere, ever.

Warren Salter:
I'll take that as a no. For now.

Scotty Wandell:
Your older brother is a peach.

Kevin Walker:
Younger.

Sarah Whedon:
Thanks for the compliment.

Kevin Walker:
It's not a compliment to you, it's an insult to me.

Scotty Wandell:
Hardly! I like older guys.

Holly Harper:
The thing is, I don't blame him. I blame myself.

Saul Holden:
We can't help who we love.

Holly Harper:
Yeah, but we can help who we are. We can decide to become ourselves. What I saw tonight... seeing myself in Nora's eyes... It is time that I become a person. I won't be invisible any longer.

Tommy Walker:
[jokingly] Did you bring your DNA kit with you? Are you going to swab her over salad?

Kevin Walker:
I could get a strand of hair.

Tommy Walker:
No, that's not going to work. You have to get it from the root.

Justin Walker:
What are you, Columbo?

Tommy Walker:
I watch all the crime shows.

Kevin Walker:
I'll take her water glass into a lab.

Tommy Walker:
No, no, that's not gonna work either. The glass will get corrupted.

Justin Walker:
Look, are you both high? You want your DNA test right here? She's hot - I feel nothing!

Rebecca Harper:
I read about you.

Kevin Walker:
Me?

Rebecca Harper:
M-hm, someone sent me a link to the 'Skinny Minnie'. Are you really dating Chad Barry?

Kevin Walker:
Eh, no. Yes, yeah, oh, I... I know him.

Justin Walker:
Like Romeo knows Juliet.

Sarah Whedon:
Like Siegfried knows Roy.

Sarah Whedon:
Mom, I didn't come here tonight because of Rebecca, I came here because I want things to be better with us. I need you to care about me the same way that you care about the world.

Rebecca Harper:
This is how you set it up?

Holly Harper:
Don't say that.

Rebecca Harper:
Oh, but it is. I mean, you didn't just deprive me of a father, mom, you deprived me of an entire family.

Holly Harper:
Honey, you have a family. You and me, we're family.

Rebecca Harper:
I could have had so much more. I could have had brothers and sisters all these years, I could have had this busy, chaotic childhood that you fantasize about as a kid. But you didn't let me.

Nora Walker:
He never wanted to be a soldier. That's what you and your father never understood, he just wanted your approval. You were supposed to say no, you were supposed to say, we love you too much to get hurt like this, no! And now I don't know where my son is. I need you to help me find him, please. Please!

Nora Walker:
I really don't think this is very healthy.

Fawn:
What's not?

Nora Walker:
Medicating, sleeping all day. You know, you don't look well. I don't think this situation is working out for you, is it?... So let's get ourselves up, get dressed, take your trash and go home!

Noah Guare:
Tell me something, how can you feel so guilty when nothing happened between us?

Sarah Whedon:
Because being in synch with a man who's not your husband is almost as painful as not being in synch with your husband.

Nora Walker:
You ungrateful child! You don't care about anyone but yourself, how did you get that way? You know what losing your father has done to me, and yet you take your life and throw it around like it was worthless. Why?

Justin Walker:
Because I wish I was dead! Don't you understand that, I wish I had died over there, mom!

Nora Walker:
Well, you didn't die. And I'll be damned if I'll stand around and watch you kill yourself!

Robert McCallister:
Look, I don't share many of my future mother-in-laws views either... but she's not un-patriotic and she's certainly not treasonous, your words.

Luther Reeves:
And I stand by them.

Robert McCallister:
Well I'm not going to give you a education on discourse, but if you think that I came on here today to distance myself from Kitty or her liberal mother or her gay brother or my gay brother for that matter, well, Luther, you have got to be nuts.

Luther Reeves:
Well that's extremely disappointing, because I believe America is looking for a leader who has the courage to stand up for what's right and to point out what's wrong.

Robert McCallister:
And I think America's looking for someone who knows the difference. And the only way to do that is by listening... not antagonizing. My future in-laws are very different from me. And different from each other, so they are by definition my greatest asset... because they remind me that we are all part of a larger American family and that no one is irrelevant and no one should be ignored. And Luther, I think the bigger question is not why I feel a part of them, but why you don't.

Robert McCallister:
Oh, um, you know, about the other thing... my answer... when soldiers stop dying.

Travis March:
What?

Robert McCallister:
That's when I'll stop going to funerals.

Kitty Walker:
Are you in pain?

Justin Walker:
No, no. They gave me a nerve block, so I don't feel anything from the waist down.

Kevin Walker:
Great. At least the female population of Pasadena will be safe for a while.

Nora Walker:
What are you trying to prove?

Justin Walker:
That I'm still me.

Nora Walker:
This is not a class. You're asking me out. Is this because I wouldn't go out on a date with you? If it is mister, let me tell you this is sexual harassment and I don't plan to take that lying down.

Mark August:
The jokes that are running through my head right now.

Nora Walker:
Well, keep them there.

Paige Whedon:
Uncle Kevin, can I ask you a question?

Kevin Walker:
How come I got all the good looks in the family?

Paige Whedon:
Connect four.

Kevin Walker:
What? Where?

Paige Whedon:
One, two, three four. I win.

Kevin Walker:
What, whoa, what? Wait, were you distracting me? That was a set up?

Paige Whedon:
Yeah.

Kevin Walker:
Wow, great strategy. Wait till you're old enough for game night.

Holly Harper:
Listen to me. I have had a front-row seat to that family for years. I know what it feels like to be an outsider, how enticing they can be. But whatever you think you want from them, trust me, you are not going to get it this way.

Rebecca Harper:
Excuse me?

Holly Harper:
I know you, Rebecca. And I am guessing that Joe did not just come on to you out of the blue.

Rebecca Harper:
Just because you're a whore it doesn't mean that I am.

Kitty Walker:
Will you marry me?... Oh. Oh my God. No, no-no-no, I didn't, did I just say, yes I did, I did, I just proposed to you.

Robert McCallister:
I think that you just did.

George Lafferty:
I'm sorry, you cannot come into my home and say these disgraceful things about a woman who's not around to defend herself. Did you ever even meet her? Do you know anything about what kind of marriage we had? Let me tell you something. It's been hell on my family since Connie died, it almost destroyed my children. And now when we were just finding some fragile bit of normalcy, you come in here with this... horrible story. Now if you could please just go.

[Nora shouts into thin air]

Nora Walker:
I hate you, William Walker! You're a selfish son of a b*tch!

Kitty McCallister:
Oh, Mom, stop!

Nora Walker:
Don't stop me. - You never loved anyone but yourself and your stupid penis!

Justin Walker:
[to Kevin and Tommy] What goes around comes around, okay? It's time for an intervention. Right here, right now, you two: B*tches anonymous!

Nora Walker:
[reading from book cover] "A Family in Politics," by Kitty Walker.

Justin Walker:
Did she write that?

Nora Walker:
Oh yes, she wrote it. We all come off like a bunch of ridiculous caricatures. Okay, listen. "My mother, easily a blue-stater, claims to be 'socially progressive.' She's even got an arrest for possession of marihuana under her belt." My criminal record is now public knowledge?

Justin Walker:
You know, it's a misdemeanor, Mom.

Nora Walker:
Says the drug addict!

[on the phone]

Tommy Walker:
Justin, what is wrong with you?

Justin Walker:
Tommy, what...

Tommy Walker:
Rebecca is smoking hot, she wants to have sex with you, it's not complicated. Just do it.

Justin Walker:
Could you put Sarah back on?

Tommy Walker:
No. You're acting like a girl. So just cut the melodrama and get busy.

Holly Harper:
Why can't you just accept this gift in the spirit that it's being given?

Rebecca Harper:
Which is what, to buy a relationship back with me? Mom, you never give anything without expecting something in return.

Holly Harper:
Becca, I want you to take this and create the kind of life that you want for yourself.

Rebecca Harper:
I just... I don't believe that that's why you're giving it to me.

Holly Harper:
You know, when you're ready to have a real relationship with me, I'll be here. But that has nothing to do with why I am giving you this. This is yours. You do whatever you want with it.

Nora Walker:
Robert, I understand you're feeling protective. But this is between Kitty and us.

Robert McCallister:
No, tonight is about Kitty and me. It's not about anybody else. All you needed to do was keep your opinions to yourself for two hours!

Nora Walker:
We tried.

Robert McCallister:
Well, you didn't try hard enough. Look, I spend all my time dealing with spoiled, self-centered politicians, and tonight I feel like I never left D.C.!

Nora Walker:
Well, we aren't politicians, Robert, we're human beings, and we don't know how to hide our feelings and pretend everything is hunky-dory!

Robert McCallister:
It's not pretending, it's being considerate.

Nora Walker:
I am considerate. I consider all my children all the time, and you don't know what it's like to feel that you've been betrayed by one of them.

Robert McCallister:
No, I know how you feel. I know how all of you feel, because the minute you have a feeling you start spewing with complete disregard for anybody else like a bunch of children. You're adults, get a filter!

Scotty Wandell:
I know my friends weren't the warmest last night.

Kevin Walker:
I should have worn a parka!

Scotty Wandell:
They were just being protective.

Kevin Walker:
From what? Me?

Scotty Wandell:
You have to admit our history has been a little bit checkered.

Kevin Walker:
I'm not solely responsible for the checkery, okay? Do you tell them any of the good stuff.

Scotty Wandell:
Yes, they just happen to remember the other stuff. They'll warm up to you, you're different. They're more... bohemian.

Kevin Walker:
Come on, admit it. They just think I'm boring.

Scotty Wandell:
No, they just think you're... uptight.

Kevin Walker:
I am not uptight!

Scotty Wandell:
Okay. Whatever you need to tell yourself.

Sarah Walker:
We should go out. You're uptight, I'm not going to Paris, this deserves an outing! You and me tonight. We can commiserate!

Kevin Walker:
I don't need to commiserate.

Sarah Walker:
Then watch me commiserate with a bottle of tequila.

Kevin Walker:
You don't need a brother, you need to get lucky.

Sarah Walker:
Oh, come on, it's not my senior prom. I just, I wanna go out, let my hair down and... get savage.

Kevin Walker:
Okay, now you're scaring me.

Sarah Walker:
That's because you're uptight.

Scotty Wandell:
[to Kevin during their dinner date] I love this part, when you look at someone and they don't look away.

Kitty Walker:
Woo, what are you all dressed up for?

Nora Walker:
I'm not dressed up.

Kitty Walker:
You're wearing a push-up bra.

Nora Walker:
This is not a... it's a French cup... I got it on sale... You know, it wouldn't hurt you to wear a bra every now and then!

Amber Trachtenberg:
I'm just completely in awe of you. You're really amazing. You're like totally my role model.

Kitty Walker:
[smiling] Oh, thanks.

Amber Trachtenberg:
Except for, you know, your politics.

Kevin Walker:
Okay, fine. How's tomorrow night?

Scotty Wandell:
My boyfriend and I might have plans, but I'll check.

Kevin Walker:
He can come too, he was kinda hot. How's seven thirty?

Scotty Wandell:
Geriatric. Let's say nine.

Miss Clara:
Look toward the bottom of the cup. See how the leaves form the shape of a heart?

Rebecca Harper:
Sort of, if I squint. What does that mean?

Miss Clara:
It means there's a great love in store. Someone is out there waiting for you.

Rebecca Harper:
Yeah, that would be my boyfriend. He's out there waiting for me to say 'I love you.'

Miss Clara:
Actually, the placement indicates the distant future. It could take years to meet this person.

Rebecca Harper:
Years? What about now, are you saying that Justin's love isn't great?

Miss Clara:
I can only interpret what's here.

Rebecca Harper:
You don't even know him, you're just reading some leftover dregs from a stupid tea cup.

Miss Clara:
It's not stupid. Unless your spirit is closed.

Rebecca Harper:
My spirit is not closed, I mean who said that my spirit is closed?

Miss Clara:
Your spirit is closed.

Sarah Walker:
You guys done the dance with no pants?

Nora Walker:
Sarah!

Sarah Walker:
What? Come on, one of us should be having sex, and sadly it's not me.

Nora Walker:
Well, it's not me either. Just because I brought a friend to the party does not mean we're sleeping together. I mean, you brought two men with you, I'm not accusing you of having a menage-a-trois.

Sarah Walker:
Mom!

Nora Walker:
You're the one who brought up sex.

Sarah Walker:
Well, I regret it.

Nora Walker:
I can't help feeling there's something looming on the horizon.

Saul Holden:
Oh, that's a bit over-dramatic, wouldn't you say?

Nora Walker:
Even the fortune teller said that.

Saul Holden:
Now who's buying into magic?

Nora Walker:
She said someone would come into our lives that would cause great upheaval.

Saul Holden:
She said that I would meet a nice woman and I would settle down.

Rebecca Harper:
Oh my god, you're such a gossip.

Justin Walker:
I am not!

Rebecca Harper:
Yes, you are. Look at your face, you're dying to tell me!

Justin Walker:
I am. I think Kitty's pregnant.

Rebecca Harper:
Oh my God, is she?

Justin Walker:
I overheard Mom on the phone and she definitely used the word pregnant, and Kitty's the only one of us having sex right now.

Sarah Whedon:
Trick or treat!

Kitty Walker:
I didn't expect to see you.

Sarah Whedon:
Well, the only thing more depressing than not having the kids at Halloween is having to feed candy to other people's kids. I thought the Republican debate would be more fun.

Rebecca Harper:
[to David] Stop defending her. Do you have any idea what she's put me through? She let me live at Nora's house. Okay? She let me believe that I was a part of their family. I fell in love with that family.

Scotty Wandell:
Kevin, for us domestic partnership is it. Our only legal option, our version of marriage. For now, at least. And at the risk of sounding like a twelve-year-old girl, I want my wedding to be special. Practical isn't enough of a reason. So if and when I choose to take that step, I want to stand up in front of everyone I know and say, this is the man I choose to be with. 'Til I'm old and bald and incontinent.

Boyd Taylor:
If you say no to me, it'll be a mistake. The party leadership, the voters will see you acting like a little kid who lost, so you're taking your toys and going home.

Robert McCallister:
I built a wide coalition. I bring a substantial amount of delegates. I have a primetime speech at the convention that I promise you I am going to knock the living crap out of. It'll set the conversation for the next four years. My seat in the Senate is safe, I am 42 years old, so with all due respect, I'm a long way from my curtain call.

Boyd Taylor:
I'm offering you the second-highest position in our government. I suggest you take it.

[Robert picks up a G.I. Joe figure at Nora's yard sale]

Robert McCallister:
How much do you want for him?

Kevin Walker:
A lot.

Robert McCallister:
Name your price.

Kevin Walker:
You know what, I'll probably just hold on to him. I don't think he has any tours left in him.

Robert McCallister:
He's gonna sit on a book shelf and have some R&R...

Kevin Walker:
You say that now, and the next thing you know he's off fighting an endless and unnecessary war.

Rebecca Harper:
You were lying to me even then.

Holly Harper:
Rebecca, I tried to explain.

Rebecca Harper:
I know, I know, that you were protecting me, whatever.

Holly Harper:
I can't say I'm sorry again, because clearly that is not what you want to hear from me.

Rebecca Harper:
I hate that when I look at you all I see is lies. I don't get to remember that summer, I don't get to remember kindergarten field trips or Easter egg hunts in the back yard... I remember how you lied to me my entire life. You're my mom. You're the only family I have. I don't know how to get that back.

Robert McCallister:
I'd like to offer Kevin a job.

Kevin Walker:
What?

Kitty McCallister:
As what?

Robert McCallister:
I'd like you to consider replacing Kitty as my communications director.

Kevin Walker:
That's a good one. That's a good... Why aren't you laughing?

Kitty McCallister:
You know, honey, that's not your worst idea.

Robert McCallister:
Right, he's perfect. He's smart, he's informed, he's a pain in the ass.

Kevin Walker:
Thank you.

Robert McCallister:
Well, you're not afraid to engage me.

Kitty McCallister:
Yeah, you know, there's some sort of perverse sense in this.

Kevin Walker:
I'm really sorry, have I just walked into an alternate universe where being a gay, liberal Democrat qualifies you to work for a Republican senator?

Kitty Walker:
We talked twice, once on camera for about, probably twenty minutes. I don't even buy shoes without walking around in them longer than that.

Robert McCallister:
You see these shoes? I bought them on the Internet. Sight unseen, never had a problem. I'm a very good judge of quality, Ms Walker, and of how things are going to fit.

Kitty Walker:
Did you just compare me to shoes?

Robert McCallister:
You started it.

Holly Harper:
Well, who knows. Maybe we'll be friends some day.

Nora Walker:
Maybe. But not today.

Kevin Walker:
They're just too young to appreciate the pleasures of spitting in someone's mouth.

Kitty Walker:
If you guys ever need a babysitter...

Sarah Whedon:
Do you know a good one?

Kitty Walker:
Me. Seriously! If you ever need a night out...

Sarah Whedon:
[mockingly] No. Our kids are Democrats.

Kitty Walker:
Kevin plays.

Kevin Walker:
What? No, Kevin doesn't.

Sarah Whedon:
Yeah, Kevin does play. He played on our high school golf team.

Kevin Walker:
Yeah, only because I had a crush on Matthew Brown. I joined everything he joined, even Future Farmers of America... Yeah, he grew a prize-winning pumpkin.

Kitty Walker:
Ooh, I bet he did.

Saul Holden:
Life is lonely, Nora, it's long and lonely. And there are so many genuine evils in this world, I would think that you would at least let someone off the hook for falling in love with the wrong person.

Justin Walker:
Why not fire me, why keep me around?

Tyler Altamirano:
I don't know. Maybe because... I know who you used to be in high school, Justin. You were the boy with the sweetest smile. Who made the future look easy. And I want to give him a second chance.

Tommy Walker:
[to Justin] I'm not like him. Dad never stopped caring about what you did with your life. I do. I stop right now. I stop today.

Kevin Walker:
Too bad I don't represent Republicans. What, even lawyers have some scruples!

Kevin Walker:
So, here's our proposal. You walk out the door and start to rebuild your life, and so long as you behave yourself all those files stay in my cabinet. But if Wolf Blitzer so much as blinks at Senator McCallister, all bets are off. I think this is the part where you walk out the door.

Sarah Whedon:
Mommy and Daddy love you both more than anything else in the world.

Paige Whedon:
But you don't love each other anymore?

Nora Walker:
Sarcasm is the refuge for people who know they're wrong and are on the ropes.

Amber Trachtenberg:
You can't buy someone's time. It's all tied to pride in the work ethic, like Sigmund Freud said.

Kevin Walker:
What did Freud say?

Amber Trachtenberg:
He said love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness.

Kevin Walker:
Wow. Do people underestimate you a lot?

Amber Trachtenberg:
[nodding] Because of the hair.

Nora Walker:
I was... I am in awe of you, Sarah. You became the woman I always wanted to be. And you did it all without losing your softness or your goodness. I love all my children. But I have so much respect for you, Sarah.

Robert McCallister:
From what I hear, Kevin's a serial dater.

Kitty Walker:
No, no, no, he just, he just, you know, couldn't, no, no, he was just picking the wrong guys.

Robert McCallister:
Please Kitty, you used the phrase, and I'm quoting here, "man whore".

Rebecca Harper:
Okay, I never really had brothers and sisters so I don't know how big families work, um, maybe this is the normal thing to do you know, just do things in a clump, like you all get together, solve problems.

Kevin Walker:
No, no, we tend to make things worse and then blame each other.

Sarah Whedon:
Yeah, that's pretty much how it works.

Julia Walker:
[talking about the last game night] Was that the night that Kitty threw the trophy at your head?

Tommy Walker:
Yeah, that was it. Twelve stitches.

Kitty Walker:
No, it was six, six stitches. And I tossed it to you...

Tommy Walker:
Threw it.

Kitty Walker:
...and you just somehow couldn't catch it.

Kitty Walker:
[trying to set Kevin up with Jason McCallister] He's completely your type.

Kevin Walker:
What, attractive and emotionally unavailable?

Kitty Walker:
No, that would be you.

Kevin Walker:
Mom, the cat is out of the bag.

Nora Walker:
Put it back in!

Scotty Wandell:
You love it.

Kevin Walker:
Love what?

Scotty Wandell:
All of them being here. Hosted by you, Mr. "I've got the keys to a fabulous beach house, soon to be partner of a major L.A. law firm."

Kevin Walker:
You forgot "just married."

Scotty Wandell:
I left out that little detail.

Kevin Walker:
You know what? I think I do. I think I love being lord of the manor.

Scotty Wandell:
That's because you like being the center of attention like everybody else in your family.

Kevin Walker:
Yeah. Actually it's amazing none of us went into showbusiness.

Sarah Walker:
Is Kitty still up?

Robert McCallister:
You know, she's had a pretty tough day. I think maybe you ought to talk to her tomorrow.

Sarah Walker:
She's that furious?

Robert McCallister:
She's that hurt.

Sarah Walker:
Right. I really want to fix this up. She's my sister, I love her, obviously.

Robert McCallister:
Nobody can slide the knife between the ribs quite like the people who love us.

Sarah Walker:
Yeah... You're not going to let me off the hook here, are you?

Robert McCallister:
Is that what you came for?

Holly Harper:
[to Nora] This is a business decision, which is very fitting since Ojai Foods is a business. This is no longer William's company, so you don't have the right to barge in here and make demands. If you have something that you need to say, pick up the phone, make an appointment, park in the visitors' parking lot and hike on up here just like everybody else. Now I know this is hard for someone like you to stomach, but the family circus is over!

Nora Walker:
I wasn't really sure I was going to tell you this, but I realize my whole family knows about it, it's really only a matter of time until you find out. And I want to be here when you do.

Holly Harper:
Find out about what?

Nora Walker:
Oh Holly, it must feel so good sitting here and looking around at what was once William's world. But you don't know the half of it. He had another lover. And they had a child together. A boy, Ryan.

Holly Harper:
I don't believe you.

Nora Walker:
Yes, you do.

[about Justin setting up a date for Saul]

Rebecca Harper:
You don't think it's a good idea, do you?

Holly Harper:
It's a terrible idea.

Rebecca Harper:
Mom, why are you encouraging him, then?

Holly Harper:
Because he's your boyfriend and I want him to like me.

Rebecca Harper:
Or are you just excited at the possibility of another Walker dinner disaster?

Holly Harper:
I have to admit it's a little of both.

Nora Walker:
You just don't believe anyone can succeed without your help. There you go, Kevin Walker to the rescue. But you know what? Maybe some people would really like to do things without your help. Maybe we don't want to be rescued, maybe we'd like you to mind your own business.

Kevin Walker:
I think you're being really unfair, because you always said how happy you were when Dad surprised you with our house.

Paul:
Your dad the cheater?

Justin Walker:
Not now, Paul.

Nora Walker:
I pretended to be happy. God, all the years I pretended to be happy with what was handed to me, as if it were inconceivable I might actually have an opinion of my own. You know what, the men in this family need to learn they can't barge into every situation like a bull in a china shop, thinking they can fix everything themselves!

Kevin Walker:
I guess I meant to still prove that I could do that. That I could take care of you. And if I couldn't, then... why would you even love me?

Scotty Wandell:
Kevin, I don't love you because of how much money you make or because you can take care of me. I love you because your heart is bigger than your very annoying brain. And even if you did want to be competitive with me it wouldn't make sense. Because you're the reason I am who I am now.

Scotty Wandell:
Wow. I didn't realize how amazing I was.

Nora Walker:
Holy crap! I just bought a house!

Holly Harper:
I can't believe you did that! This dress is couture!

Nora Walker:
I'm sure it's been stained before!

Sarah Whedon:
What does a girl have to do to get a drink around here?

Tommy Walker:
Uh, follow Kevin around.

Kitty Walker:
Oh it's not. It's not *top* secret. But it, yes it's a... it is, it's a very sensitive national security thing. I'm sorry that's all I can say about it.

Kevin Walker:
I'm sorry, "thing"?

Sarah Whedon:
That's why McCallister gave you a bag of lingerie to take with you? Oh yeah, I can see the faith of the free world hangs in the balance.

Justin Walker:
Apparently that's not the only thing that's hanging.

Kitty Walker:
Oh that's funny, Justin. When did you get to be so funny?

Nora Walker:
Sarah, you're such a good mom. I know you're not a quitter, sweetheart. I wasn't either, and maybe that's why I never let myself see what was really happening. I stood by your father blindly, no matter what. I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did, I don't want you to. You have to decide whether you can ever trust Joe again or not, and if you can't...

Sarah Whedon:
What if I can?

Nora Walker:
Holly, I'm going to tell you something you don't want to hear. You have to let him go. I did.

Saul Holden:
I don't hate golf. I loathe it, I despise it. I would rather spend all eternity at a dinner party seated next to Britney Spears than waste an afternoon waving clubs around with a bunch of overfed, overprivileged Arnold Palmer wannabes.

Nora Walker:
Even last year, even with William's death, amidst it all there was always this sense of reason to it. But not with this. This time there's only pain. That's why I want him to take his medication. The only good that will come out of any of this is when it finally stops.

Holly Harper:
I like you, Saul. But one thing I know is men. And when we were together, I knew that you weren't that interested in me. Oh, you tried...

Saul Holden:
I guess you're right. It is my fault.

Holly Harper:
Why are you being so hard on yourself? It is not easy finding the right person at the right time. I was in love with a man I could never have. I didn't mean to be; I just was. You can't help who you love, Saul.

Scotty Wandell:
You're not over him, Kev. At least that's what it feels like to me.

Kevin Walker:
Okay, maybe I'm not over Jason, completely. But I am getting there. Scotty, I want to be with you.

Scotty Wandell:
Me too. But sometimes just because you want something doesn't mean it's possible.

Nora Walker:
I'm just trying to be nice.

Kitty Walker:
I don't want nice, I want my mother.

Nora Walker:
Listen, we're giving a birthday dinner tonight for Kitty, would you like to come? See Rebecca?

Holly Harper:
I'd love to! I mean, unless, I mean, I don't want to impose.

Nora Walker:
Holly, you being here at my husband's grave site, that's an imposition. You sharing a taco with your daughter I can live with.

Kitty Walker:
It's true what they say, tequila makes everything better.

Sarah Whedon:
Nobody says that.

Kitty Walker:
Well, when I'm first lady I'll say it and it'll catch on.

Sarah Walker:
Joe's got my kids, Saul's gone to grandma's for Thanksgiving, and you've all just simultaneously decided to form your own little satellite states like a Balkan uprising. And my neighbor flies to Texas leaving me with his geriatric cat. Now you just expect me to believe that's a coincidence?

Justin Walker:
Look, you've got to put a good face on this, right? Just act like this will be fun! You know, it's you and Mom hanging out on Thanksgiving, you know, a couple of single girls, ladies' night. You know, that way she won't freak out on us.

Sarah Walker:
I hope you all get salmonella and die.

Kitty McCallister:
Let me take a wild guess. What you can't talk about is the fact that you're angry because for some inexplicable reason Kevin can father a child and you can't. And now, after everything you've been through with Elizabeth, the one thing that she needs the most you can't give her, but Kevin can. And what really sucks is that deep down you resent him for it. And what makes it even worse is that even deeper down, you're sick of this, this grudge that you guys are carrying on, and you really really miss your brother.

Paige Whedon:
I don't *want* to be Jewish, I thought we *are* Jewish.

Nora Walker:
We're secular humanists, honey.

Paige Whedon:
Secu-what?

Sarah Whedon:
Okay, Mrs Sartre, that's enough.

Justin Walker:
So wait, we're not having Christmas? Well, that sucks!

Nora Walker:
We are having Christmas and Hanukkah. Both. Bells, whistles, latkas, ornaments, carols, the works.

Kitty Walker:
I think it's great. I think it's great that we're finally embracing our multiculturalism. Uncle Saul will be in heaven. Wait a minute, Martha Stewart has Hanukkah recipes?

Nora Walker:
[to Holly] I came here to forgive you. From the bottom of my heart. William was a strong and generous man, and he always took care of the people he loved. The thing is, he loved two women. It's as simple as that.

Dr. Jude Bar-Shalom:
There are no shortcuts Sarah, in life or in love. This pain must be felt. The alternative is much worse. It's what makes us special, what makes us beautiful, what, what makes us worthy; the pain of how we love. But that pain is accompanied by something else, isn't it? Hope. With your pain, there is hope. And that is where you are. Somewhere between agony and optimism and prayer. So you're human. You're alive. And that is what we have.

Kitty Walker:
I've got to make Hair Boy look Presidential.

Robert McCallister:
Senator Hair Boy, please.

Kevin Walker:
You'll forgive me if I'm a little freaked. I mean, is this gonna be like Fatal Attraction?

Kitty Walker:
[Robert opens the front door to find Nora and Justin lurking] Mom! What are you doing?

Nora Walker:
Nothing, nothing. I just got here and found Justin here lurking...

Justin Walker:
I wasn't lurking.

Nora Walker:
Then why didn't you go in?

Justin Walker:
Because Kitty was yelling at the senator, Mom.

Kitty Walker:
I liked you so much better when you were stupid.

Justin Walker:
You're stupid.

Kitty Walker:
You're stupid.

Justin Walker:
You're stupider.

Kitty Walker:
You're the stupidest.

Chad Barry:
You know, whatever journey I've been on, I think at age 34 I have finally maybe found out who I want to be, and where I want to go. [puts his hand on Kevin's] And who I want to go there with.

Kevin Walker:
This is the greatest friggin' restaurant on Earth, isn't it?

Kitty Walker:
Do you think that I'm aloof?

Nora Walker:
You know what, I've talked to the others. You took Tommy surfing the other day, you took Sarah and the kids to the zoo, you've asked me to go to the museum tomorrow. What are you going to do with Kitty, take her to the Reagan library?

Justin Walker:
Why are you busting my chops, mom?

Nora Walker:
Because I know what you're doing.

Justin Walker:
I'm not doing anything, okay? I'm saying goodbye to my family because I'm...

Nora Walker:
What? Finish the sentence.

Justin Walker:
Because I'm going to Iraq, mom.

Nora Walker:
That's not what you're thinking.

Justin Walker:
Mom, I'm going to a place where people are getting blown up on a daily basis, okay? There's a very real possibility that I'm not gonna come back...

Nora Walker:
Stop! Stop. If you go back believing something's going to happen to you, then something's going to happen to you.

Justin Walker:
What do you want me to do, pretend I'm invincible?

Nora Walker:
I want you to know as deeply and surely as I do that you are coming home. And that is the only thought you should have in your head.

Nora Walker:
Well, if you feel you're ready to move out, then...

Kitty Walker:
Ready? Why wouldn't I be ready?

Nora Walker:
Of course you're ready. And I will miss you, probably terribly. But let's face it, you're a little old to be living with your mother.

Kitty Walker:
Oh you know what, mom, why do you have to insult me, why don't you just come out and tell me that you're gonna miss me?

Nora Walker:
Why can't you just come out and say you're scared to move out? Why do you have to make me into this clinging neurotic mother who's trying to force you to stay?

Sarah Whedon:
Wow, it's like the passive-aggressive Olympics here today.

Robert McCallister:
I'm sorry about my family.

Nora Walker:
You never have to apologize for family. Besides, it's refreshing to be the tame ones for a change.

Kevin Walker:
Of all the situations you've ever put me in. He's a minister?

Kitty Walker:
Yes, he's a minister. Have you never met a minister before?

Kevin Walker:
I've never sucked face with one before.

Kevin Walker:
You're the lying whore of the family!

Kitty Walker:
And you're the stuck-up b*tch!

Kevin Walker:
Hi, Scotty, it's... it's Kevin, your least favorite Martian. Look, I've been on your planet for 34 years, and I still get a lot of things wrong. Like about money and work and people and life and... love and everything. Anyway, I just wanted you to know I think you're amazing, and funny, and cute as hell, and I just hope that some day... maybe, I don't know, three Martian years from now, 'cause our years are longer than yours, maybe I could be worthy of your human love and respect. Whether we're together or not. That's all.

Justin Walker:
Look, I love you guys more than anything in the whole world, and I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last few days. I can't just sit here and let these people tear apart my family like this. God, Kitty, they almost killed you.

Kitty Walker:
No, Justin, I'm fine, I'm here now, it's okay.

Justin Walker:
I know, okay, but the same thing could happen tomorrow, or they could do something even worse. It's just not right.

Nora Walker:
Justin, what's the matter?

Justin Walker:
Nothing's the matter... I enlisted today.

Kitty Walker:
So I have an interview with Senator McCallister, but then when I come back I'd love to help.

Nora Walker:
Oh Kitty, sweetie-pie, I don't know how to say this delicately, but I'm not cremating anything.

Kitty Walker:
You know, I am an excellent cook, in fact some people even call me a chef.

Nora Walker:
Some with a really good sense of humor.

Justin Walker:
You're both crazy. I enlisted because I wanted to. I went back and forth about a thousand times in my head before I went, and nothing anyone said or did was going to change my mind. It was the best and worst decision I have made in my entire life, but you know what, it was my choice. So I'm not gonna fight the recall. I'm going back.

Kitty Walker:
Mistakes were made. President Ronald Reagan said those words twenty years ago in a time when admitting a mistake was perceived as a sign of strength, not weakness. I made a mistake. I made a mistake in compromising the interview that you're about to see, and I made a mistake in continuing to defend a war that is in desperate need of reexamination. Reexamination which cannot come until we acknowledge that the war itself was a mistake.

Nora Walker:
My God, Saul. What have you done?

Sarah Walker:
This is Dad's legacy, Mom. He put me in charge. He left it up to me.

Nora Walker:
Maybe he shouldn't have, Sarah. Ojai was his company, not yours. You should never have been pressured to walk in his footsteps; he never gave you that choice. He picked you. From the time you were a little girl he saw something in you. And I... I let him have you. Sarah, listen to me. If Ojai goes down... maybe it's a good thing. Maybe it's time to let it go. And then finally you could be your own person.

Sarah Walker:
I am, Mom. Dad didn't force this on me, I wanted it. I always did.

Holly Harper:
You know, I wasn't much older than you when I got pregnant. Can you imagine that? Being here by yourself and trying to support a child? But I did it. And if I had to give up some of my dreams, so be it. Because from then on I put you first. And now you have the audacity to treat me like a second-class citizen? And I allowed it. Because I knew that it was not easy for you. But I am done with that. From now on, if you want to hurt me, you hurt me from somewhere else. I want you out of this house.

Saul Holden:
I didn't risk Ojai Foods to make money, Kevin. I did it to try and save my life. I want out. I want to be free.

Kevin Walker:
Just say it. I love you, it's okay.

Saul Holden:
I'm a gay man, Kevin. Tell me how I can be a gay man at my age?

Kevin Walker:
I don't know how to be a gay man at *my* age. But I do understand you're afraid.

Saul Holden:
I want my time back.

Kevin Walker:
That's the one trick none of us can pull off. Saul, if you think this family is going to sit back and watch you waste the time that you do have punishing yourself, you're mistaken.

Kevin Walker:
You know, it's like all these crazy people in my family are in this insane freefall and completely incapable of being happy. And then I look at Saul, who... who's missed his life entirely. And I realize how lucky I am because I get to come home to someone who is kind and caring, and who changes the lightbulbs... and... marry me.

Scotty Wandell:
What?

Kevin Walker:
I mean it. I don't want to wait. I want to make this official.

Scotty Wandell:
Because I changed the lightbulbs?

Kevin Walker:
No, well, yeah, kind of. Because, Scotty, that's who you are. I'm completely, completely in love with you. I even love the things about you that I hate. Because you make me feel like I don't have to be anyone other than who I am. And to me, that feels like family, and that's what I want us to be. I want us to be a family because that never ends. I'm doing this all wrong.

Kevin Walker:
[gets down on his knees] Scotty, I'm asking you. Will you please marry me?

Scotty Wandell:
Yes. Yes, Kevin, I'll marry you.

Tommy Walker:
Can you hand me a screwdriver... You know what a screwdriver looks like?

Kevin Walker:
It's orange and comes in a glass filled with ice.

Kevin Walker:
You know, this whole anonymity thing is a joke. If the kid's well dressed and witty, it's mine.

Justin Walker:
You don't stand a chance. My little dudes have been at war.

Kevin Walker:
And stoned for the last ten years. Mine are effective.

Tommy Walker:
Okay, that's enough sperm talk for the rest of my life.

Kitty Walker:
I'm sorry, but when I packed I didn't realize I was going to be walking into Caligula's bathhouse.

Nora Walker:
[holding up bra] Well, what did you pack for?

Kitty Walker:
I packed for work. Warren and I are... you know, we're preparing for a very big interview.

Nora Walker:
Is that the euphemism of choice these days?

Kitty Walker:
You know, mother, you're just trying to defer the attention because Dave came up here to remodel *you*.

Justin Walker:
One night my last month in Afghanistan another medic, this guy Doug, and me went out with a squad of rangers. I followed a platoon into the enemy's position just to see if there was anybody alive. Anyway, we went into this... this bunker, this cave... and there was all these bodies, and they were all dead. Except for this one guy who two minutes ago was trying to kill me. I mean, his eyes were just staring at me. Not mean, though, just like... just like, help me. I was staring right at him, and... I didn't do anything. I let him die, Tommy, I mean he was a human being, and I just let him die. So I don't want to do this for you, I want to do this for me. I owe a life.

Kitty Walker:
What am I going to do, Kevin? Help me...

Kevin Walker:
Okay, is there any chance you may have garlic, pasta, frozen peas and chicken broth?

Kitty Walker:
No peas, but oh, you know what, I do have a little sage leftover from the dead chickens.

Kevin Walker:
Okay, good. Then you can have a delicious meal ready in ten minutes that anyone in Milan would die for. And that was too gay a sentence even from me.

Paige Whedon:
Mars is my favorite planet. It reminds me of you, grandpa.

William Walker:
Why is that?

Paige Whedon:
He was the god of war. He was a warrior.

William Walker:
That's me all right.

William Walker:
[to Kitty] We're all here together, and I must announce with some trepidation, you're no longer grounded.

Justin Walker:
When she was fourteen, she was grounded indefinitely.

Jonathan Sellers:
What for?

Kitty Walker:
Oh, it had something to do with cigarettes and surf boards.

Tommy Walker:
And shoplifting, and a boy named Pablo...

Justin Walker:
Hey, can I ask you a question?

Tommy Walker:
The answer is no, you can't borrow my surfboard, no, I don't have any money to lend you and yes, girls still think you're cute. I'm kidding.

[first lines]

Kitty Walker:
I am not the person you think I am, that's what you people can't seem to understand. I am not a b*tch. I am not aggressively plotting to make our mother feel bad.

Sarah Whedon:
You know, I thought when I quit my old job that I would gain in time what I lost in salary. But being a working mom is like a currency that never has enough value.

Kitty Walker:
Oh my God, I'm going to steal that line.

Kitty Walker:
You were the one who virtually refused to be in my life for three years, who barely spoke, and I know it's because I unforgivably gave my opinion about Justin.

Nora Walker:
Not refused, couldn't. I was afraid of the things I didn't want to say.

Kitty Walker:
No, mom. This is not just about my politics. Tommy and dad think the same things I do, and you've managed to reconcile forty years of loving somebody who fundamentally disagrees with you. But you can't love me. And I don't know what it's about. It's not about the war.

[Kevin walks in and sees his family gathered in the living room]

Kevin Walker:
God! Did Scotty tell you, or did Justin bug my apartment with his junior spy kit?

Justin Walker:
What?

Tommy Walker:
What are you talking about?

Kevin Walker:
Nice try. Okay, Mom, we would love to have it here; Scotty's obviously cooking. Tommy, if you would bring some wine that would be great. Justin, stay sober. Sarah, you've got the toast. Kitty, since you write speeches for a living, we would love it if you would officiate the ceremony.

[flashback]

William Walker:
I'm trying to talk to you.

Kevin Walker:
Well, I've been trying to do that with you for quite a few years.

William Walker:
And I just wasn't ready to talk about it.

Kevin Walker:
So maybe I'm not ready now.

William Walker:
Kevin, I know I didn't handle things too well back then.

Kevin Walker:
You wouldn't even look at me. You didn't want anyone at work to know.

William Walker:
I was struggling with...

Kevin Walker:
And I wasn't? I was a kid. I just needed to know you loved me the same way you loved Kitty, Sarah, Justin or Tommy, but you were too busy being ashamed.

William Walker:
And I have to live with how I reacted. And you can get past this and accept my apology.

Kevin Walker:
I'm not sure I can.

[Saul walks into a room full of Walker siblings]

Saul Holden:
Oh, I see. Everybody huddled together, talking about me.

Kevin Walker:
No, Saul, we're not...

Saul Holden:
It's okay, Kevin, you tell everybody everything anyway. Okay, I'll say it, fine. I'm gay!

Kitty McCallister:
Oh. What?

Tommy Walker:
You're gay?

Kevin Walker:
We weren't talking about you, Saul.

Saul Holden:
Oh.

Rebecca Harper:
Justin, you were the first person to reach out to me. Before anyone else, you were my friend, and when everything was happening these past couple of weeks, you're the person I wanted to talk to. You always are.

Justin Walker:
You too.

Rebecca Harper:
And, I mean, everything's been crazy. I mean, first I find out that I have this family that I never even knew existed, and then suddenly I don't.

Justin Walker:
Rebecca...

Rebecca Harper:
But then it turns out that I do. Because by some miracle you're all still willing to accept me. And I can't help but wonder, what if, in all this insanity...

Justin Walker:
What?

Rebecca Harper:
...it was all just a way to meet you?

Roy Scovell:
[Roy, Sarah's date, has just met Robert & Kitty] So is this for your first Walker dinner party?

Roy Scovell:
It is.

Robert McCallister:
Good luck.

Sarah Walker:
Kevin, Roy was just saying how much he loved Kitty's book.

Kevin Walker:
Oh well, she does have a great political mind. Wouldn't you say Robert?

Robert McCallister:
One of the reasons I married her.

Roy Scovell:
My sister gave it to me. She's a Democrat and I'm a Republican so...

Sarah Walker:
Oh... [rolls her eyes]

Robert McCallister:
[Smiles] Oh this keeps getting better and better.

[Sarah and Kevin on the phone, Tommy in the room with Kevin]

Sarah Walker:
Wanna hear something outlandish?

Kevin Walker:
Ooh, I love outlandish.

Sarah Walker:
Isaac wants mom to move to Washington with him. He's asking her tonight.

Tommy Walker:
What is he, crazy?

Sarah Walker:
Hi Tommy! You don't think mom would really leave Paige and Coop, do you?

Tommy Walker:
Hello! What about Elizabeth?

Kevin Walker:
Oh, get a grip. She'd never leave *me*!

[studying the side effects of the hormones Kitty is taking]

Nora Walker:
Bloating, weight gain...

Julia Walker:
Been there.

Nora Walker:
Irritability, mood swings...

Julia Walker:
Done that.

Nora Walker:
Facial... Facial hair?

Kitty McCallister:
Oh, I know! You know, when Robert lost the election I thought he was going to do that thing, you know that thing that they do? They gain weight and they grow a beard? Well, it turns out that I'm going to be the one looking like Al Gore.

Nora Walker:
I'm not moving away because I need to replace your father or I'm afraid to be alone or whatever else you can think of. I'm leaving to get away from all of you! You think I don't notice all the eye-rolling and sighing, the little looks you give each other every time I open my mouth? You're constantly complaining that I'm manipulative and I'm controlling and I invade your life. Well, take a good look in the mirror, my darling children! I try to change one thing in my life and you all launch so many covert actions you might as well be the CIA. Oh God, it felt so good to make a decision for myself without taking everyone else's feelings into account. No, I'm doing this for me. And frankly, it's about damn time!

Kevin Walker:
This guy is messing with my head. In the 'Gay' column I have: Flirting, giving me shoes, Lola the pug. And in the 'Straight' column I have: Girlfriend, Lakers and uses the words dude and bro.

Kevin Walker:
Okay, we've parked at Inspiration Point so you can b*tch about your job?

Chad Barry:
I thought we were friends.

Kevin Walker:
I don't know what we are, Chad. You give me shoes, you admire my body, and, you know, I'm sorry, taking a drive up to a beautiful location, regardless of category, is a date. I mean, come on man, driving me all the way up here? You're either going to hack me into a million little pieces or you're gonna kiss me!

Chad Barry:
Well, I'm not a serial killer. So...

Kevin Walker:
Okay, whatever. Look, where did you hide the wine? I need to get grandma a drink ASAP!

Tommy Walker:
It's in the closet.

Kitty Walker:
You put the wine in my closet?

[Kevin opens the closet door]

Kitty Walker:
Is your little boyfriend in there?

Kevin Walker:
[yelling from closet] He's not my boyfriend!

[Kitty and Robert enter a closet]

Robert McCallister:
If this is where you keep the wine, where do you keep your clothes?

Kitty Walker:
Shut your mouth and come on. Shut the door.

[Robert shuts the door and looks around]

Robert McCallister:
I am having like a fifth grade flashback of Deena Segerson and seven minutes in heaven.

[Kitty pours wine into glasses]

Robert McCallister:
Have you always been a closet drinker?

Kitty Walker:
Are you done?

Robert McCallister:
No, I'll think of some more.

Robert McCallister:
[looking around closet at shoes] Wow, this is quite a collection.

Kitty Walker:
Oh yeah, if only my shoes could talk.

Robert McCallister:
These are sufficiently slutty, what's their story?

Kitty Walker:
Hamptons, 2002, broke a heel dancing on a table. Got sandwiched in between this, uh, club promoter and some tortured playwright.

Robert McCallister:
[pointing out red platform shoes] Do you want to explain those?

Kitty Walker:
[laughing] Oh my God. Yes, Halloween two years ago, um, Tribeca loft party. Jonathan and I went as Sonny and Cher.

Robert McCallister:
Jonathan?

Kitty Walker:
Uh, yeah, Jonathan, my ex-fiance. Yeah, I'd rather talk about my shoes.

Robert McCallister:
Understood.

Kitty Walker:
You know tonight was unusually bizarre, even for my family.

Robert McCallister:
Are you kidding me, it's been fantastic... [pause] ...like dinner theatre or the circus.

Nora Walker:
Where did they hide the booze? Tell me, really, I'm not joking.

Saul Holden:
Nora, if I knew where it was I'd be drunk by now.

Robert McCallister:
[in the closet] You know, we've been in here for like over a minute here, and we haven't even done anything. I got more action from Deena Segerson in the fifth grade.

Kitty Walker:
I can't. It's not that I don't want to, and I don't mean that I do want to, it's just that even if I did want to, I couldn't.

Robert McCallister:
With that kind of logic, are you sure you're not a Democrat?

Kitty Walker:
Oh Kevin, you know please!

Kitty Walker:
[to Robert] Now help me out, can you just please tell him that you have a gay brother too?

Ida Holden:
Who's gay?

Robert McCallister:
I think you just outed two brothers for the price of one.

Kevin Walker:
Thanks, Kitty. That would be me, grandma. I'm gay.

Ida Holden:
Oh, you're not gay. Justin maybe, but you?

Rebecca Harper:
Wow. You're really good at this whole making amends thing, aren't you?

Justin Walker:
I've got some practice.

Nora Walker:
Oh, Stan, I was so madly in love with you. Why did you leave? You ran off to Canada, you left everything. Your family, your friends, me.

Stan Harris:
I wasn't enough for you.

Nora Walker:
What are you talking about?

Stan Harris:
You love the fight you can't win. You already had me. I mean, even then I knew I wasn't a challenge.

Holly Harper:
Rebecca, stop second-guessing yourself.

Rebecca Harper:
It's not that easy, mom.

Rebecca Harper:
I know that it's not that easy. But this shrinking violet that you're becoming - that's not my daughter. I mean, you never used to care what people thought about you, you didn't worry about what you said or didn't say. I admire that about you. Even when you do that with me.

Justin Walker:
Don't you have like four other kids to worry about? Seriously, I mean, Sarah's going through a divorce, Kitty's planning a wedding, Tommy's got a newborn, and Kevin's in a long-distance relationship with a minister, which is possibly the scariest thing I've ever heard. Do you feel like spreading it out at all?

Nora Walker:
It would be so great. We could stay up late, Kitty, and plan your wedding. Sarah, we could get some serious talking in about you and Joe's situation. We could regroup and get perspective. It would be so great, a real girls' getaway. Yeah!

Kitty Walker, Sarah Whedon:
[reluctantly] Yeah!

Kevin Walker:
I know, I know, we're from different generations, and I'm sure you think I had things a lot easier. And whatever it is you need from me, I'm here for you.

Saul Holden:
Okay.

Kevin Walker:
But you don't have to hide anything.

Saul Holden:
Kevin. You have to understand, I'm not hiding anything from you. I'm not gay. I... I'm not gay.

Kevin Walker:
Trying to be the perfect family for some Republican operative my mom has the hots for is making me a little nervous.

Scotty Wandell:
You keep saying he's a Republican. I'm far more impressed she might be dating a black man.

Justin Walker:
Uh, not that I don't love thumbing through gay porn... I'm sorry, male clothing catalogs. But what am I doing here, bro?

Kevin Walker:
Be nice or I'll put you on the mailing list.

Jason McCallister:
Calling home wasn't really an option for me.

Kevin Walker:
Why not, no cell phone coverage?

Jason McCallister:
I was having a crisis of faith, actually.

Kevin Walker:
Really? I didn't know that. Oh, but then, you didn't tell me.

Jason McCallister:
I'm sorry, I was spending my time talking to God.

Kevin Walker:
At least you were talking to someone.

Scotty Wandell:
And you don't need a cell phone to talk to God, right?

Lena Branigan:
I thought I was in love with Tommy. But clearly, I'm screwed up.

Holly Harper:
When I was with William, I thought, 'This isn't perfect, it's a compromise, but it's my choice.' I even thought that I was in control. And for twenty years, I let that idea and that man dictate who I was. When I finally realized that I was just filling in the gap for someone else's relationship, it was too late. And I couldn't leave. It is better if you figure this out now.

Scotty Wandell:
I don't want you to see him anymore.

Kevin Walker:
Even if I did, it wouldn't mean anything.

Scotty Wandell:
I know you're going to run into him at family stuff. I just don't want you making plans with him.

Kevin Walker:
Okay. Promise.

Scotty Wandell:
Really?

Kevin Walker:
I don't think you get how much I want us to be together.

Scotty Wandell:
God, now I feel like an idiot for asking.

Kevin Walker:
Why? It only makes me want you even more.

Robert McCallister:
Hold on to what's good. What makes you happy.

Kitty Walker:
You make me happy.

Robert McCallister:
I do?

Sarah Whedon:
[to Holly] You've done nothing but cause my family pain, so if your perfect little world has come crashing down around you because the truth has finally come out, you know what, join the damn club!

Holly Harper:
I let you treat me like dirt because I loved and respected your father. But I am done treating you with any measure of civility.

Sarah Whedon:
Is that a threat?

Holly Harper:
You bet your ass it's a threat.

Rebecca Harper:
It seems pretty simple to me, mom. You were willing to be sloppy seconds for some rich jerk with a wife and kids. And my dad didn't want to fess up to having a bastard child with his mistress because he didn't want to risk his Norman Rockwell life. Do I have it straight, mom?

Justin Walker:
I should have a black eye for as long as possible to remind me never to be such a chivalrous ass.

Kevin Walker:
I wish I was a chivalrous ass instead of being just wholly an ass.

Sarah Whedon:
There's something odd about this.

Kitty Walker:
This what?

Sarah Whedon:
This town.

Kitty Walker:
Oh, was the giant man-made artichoke in the town square your first clue?

Sarah Whedon:
No, though that was odd.

Emily Craft:
This may be a cocktail party, but I don't know which blanket that little piggy's going to be under, if you get my drift.

Nora Walker:
I don't even know what that means.

Kevin Walker:
You know, for the first time in my life I went back into the closet after coming out. And you were absolutely right. It's a very dark place.

Scotty Wandell:
Then don't do it again... or do, but you can't play the game and second-guess yourself at the same time. Either accept what you did because it'll get you what you want, or go in there tomorrow and tell them you're drawing a line in the sand. Make a decision. I don't care which one.

Sarah Walker:
I agree. I agree, this company is in a very precarious situation. Reallocating that much land is very ambitious. Rebranding our Ojai products even more so. But come on. Ambition is nothing new to this company. My father built Ojai on the wing of a prayer, he didn't have contingencies. He had a vision. And he was prepared to take risks because he believed in it. I'd like you to consider, what if William Walker was sitting here? Would you be so sceptical?

Board Member #1:
With all due respect, William is not the one here guiding us.

Sarah Walker:
True. Tommy is. My father taught him everything he knows. Now, doubt me all you want. I got us into the deal that put the company in this precarious position in the first place. And to get out of it, we're going to need vision; the kind of vision that my father had. Tommy has it. I think we should trust him. I do. And I believe my father would have too.

Sarah Walker:
I feel like I just got divorced again.

Justin Walker:
Hey, what are you doing in here?

Paige Whedon:
Waiting for my mom. She's mad.

Justin Walker:
People are mad at me too, kid.

Paige Whedon:
I do things that I know will get me in trouble, but I do them anyhow.

Justin Walker:
It's been hard with your mom and dad, huh?

Paige Whedon:
I wish I could be two places at the same time.

Justin Walker:
Me too.

Justin Walker:
Yeah, you're right. I'm using more than what the doctor prescribed. You wanna know why? So I can get better. Fast. Because I am sick and tired of being here while my friends die over there, and I can't tell anyone that because they won't get it. But I want to go back, do you understand that?

Rebecca Harper:
No. No, Justin, I don't believe you. I think you're telling yourself that because it seems noble and important. But you're using because you're an addict, Justin, and you'll always find a reason.

Nora Walker:
Oh Saul, you and William built Ojai from nothing. Why can't we do that here? Build another family legacy, something that will live on way past us. Something that doesn't include Holly! [pause] I've never done anything like this before, I've never believed in anything so strongly. This is my Ojai!

Saul Holden:
So, what, have you brought me here to commiserate with you?

Tommy Walker:
You're here to help me fix this. Holly doesn't respect this company's history, she doesn't respect my position, my experience, nothing.

Saul Holden:
So what's the problem, Tommy? You tried to make it work.

Tommy Walker:
Well, obviously I can't. I'm not going to stand by and watch her seize control while she shuts us out!

Saul Holden:
My offer stands. I will help you get her out.

Sarah Whedon:
And as for Holly, as long as we don't have a gold-digging mistress division, she's of absolutely no use to Ojai Foods or to me.

Kitty Walker:
[Kitty calls Sarah] You are never going to believe this. I slept with McCallister.

Sarah Whedon:
Oh God, Kitty, you scared me. I thought something bad had happened.

Kitty Walker:
Something bad did happen. Do you understand that I work for him? He is my boss!

Sarah Whedon:
Oh please, sleeping with co-workers is like a reflex for you.

Robert McCallister:
If you're gonna ask me something, you should just ask it.

Kitty Walker:
Senator, are you running for President?

Robert McCallister:
Yes, I am, Miss Walker. You know what else? I'm gonna win.

Scotty Wandell:
You know, you almost have to love the irony; you're right where I was with you a few months ago.

Kevin Walker:
You know, you ended things with me, Scotty.

Scotty Wandell:
Now you know how hard it is to love someone who doesn't love himself. I feel sorry for you. [pause] Good luck, Kevin.

Justin Walker:
Wow.

Rebecca Harper:
Yeah.

Justin Walker:
I mean, wow!

Rebecca Harper:
I can't believe we waited that long.

Justin Walker:
Idiots!

Rebecca Harper:
What were we thinking?

Justin Walker:
We were thinking too much, that's what we were thinking.

Rebecca Harper:
I'm done thinking.

Justin Walker:
Me too.

Saul Holden:
I just want you to know that if there ever comes a time when you want Holly gone...

Tommy Walker:
You're gonna rub her out? She's a co-owner.

Saul Holden:
Sarah would come back in a second.

Tommy Walker:
What are you talking about?

Saul Holden:
If getting rid of Holly becomes a goal of yours, I want you to know that I would make it mine too.

Kevin Walker:
[to Scotty] I didn't make partner. They gave it to someone else. And I couldn't say anything at dinner because I was so humiliated. This is by no means an excuse, but when I left work all I could think of was getting to you, because I knew once I'd see you I'd feel okay.

Holly Harper:
You know, it is so amusing watching you panic when things don't turn out exactly the way you have it planned. Oh, God forbid that I upset your perfect little apple cart.

Nora Walker:
Well, at least I have an apple cart. Holly, I really think it's your jealousy that makes me pity you the most.

Holly Harper:
Pity?

Nora Walker:
U-huh! And I don't believe for one minute you'd be willing to jeopardize your relationship with Rebecca, because if you do anything...

Holly Harper:
I never said that I was going to do anything. I probably won't. But then again, I do have these bad days...