Brüno

Ron Paul:
[after Br?no drops his pants] All right, get out of here! This is ended.

Ron Paul:
[later, in the hallway] That guy's queerer than the blazes. He took his clothes off. Let's get goin'. He's queer, he's crazy, he put a hit on me and took his clothes off.

Br?no:
[narrating] I couldn't even schtupp RuPaul.

Br?no:
How do you protect yourself from a dildo?

Br?no:
[about his baby, O.J] I've gotta be honest: he's a real dick magnet.

TV Host:
What's the baby's name?

Br?no:
I gave him like a traditional African name: O.J.

African-American Lady:
WHAT?

Drill Sergeant:
Your finger's in my alley.

Br?no:
Not yet.

Br?no:
[about the baby in his arms] I swapped him.

African-American Lady:
Swapped the baby for what?

Br?no:
For an iPod.

[last lines]

Snoop Dogg:
Hey, hey, he gay, he gay, OK.

Br?no:
Look at the four of us; we are so like the Sex in the City girls!

Donny:
Oh no, we aren't either!

Br?no:
Which one are you, Donny?

Donny:
I ain't any one of them, I'm Donny.

Br?no:
That is such a Samantha thing to say!

Br?no:
Can I give you guys a word of advice? Lose the beards, because your King Osama looks like a kind of dirty wizard... or a homeless Santa.

Br?no:
We have chosen your baby to be dressed as a Nazi Officer, pushing a wheelbarrow, with a Jewish baby, into an oven!

Br?no:
[after eating numerous pieces of pie] I'm committing carbicide.

Br?no:
[referring to a woman's breasts] You must produce a lot of milk.

Br?no:
It's just this bear took my clothes. He took everything apart from these condoms.

Br?no:
I am going to be the biggest Austrian celebrity since Hitler.

Harrison Ford:
[when being confronted by Bruno trying to interview him] F*** off!

Br?no:
Looking up at the stars makes me think of all the hot guys in the world.

PR Consultant:
Is there something that you, like, that you believe in, like...

Br?no:
Well, I'm really into issues.

PR Consultant:
Yeah. Global warming's only getting worse, so...

Br?no:
Great!

PR Consultant:
That would be, that's something to get involved now, so... we can just help East, uh, Africa in order to help for our future in order for everyone... that's a beneficial thing to be involved with now.

Br?no:
Ich was going to become famous by solving a world problem! But which one? Clooney's got Darfur, Sting's got the Amazon, and Bono's got AIDS! Luckily, there was still one shithole left to fix: the Middle Earth.

Br?no:
Look me in the eye.

Angry Swinger:
This is a f***in' swingers' party. OK? If you don't want p*ssy, if you don't want f***in'... then quit f***in' touching me and quit looking at me. I definitely ain't lookin' at you in the eye. OK? I didn't come here for no f***in' queer sh*t, OK? I know what you're doin'.

Dominatrix:
Get on your f***ing knees and suck my spike hair, b*tch.

Elton John:
[singing] War's just based on hate and fear / Stop fighting, North and South Korea.

Br?no:
[singing] You're both basically Chinese.

Chris Martin:
[singing] He's Br?no, dove of peace.

Snoop Dogg:
[rapping] Hey, yo Br?no, where the b*tches at?

Br?no:
So you were never gay?

Pastor Jody Trautwein:
[shakes head] Mh-mh.

Br?no:
It's ironic that you should have amazing blowj*b lips.

Pastor Jody Trautwein:
These-these lips were made to praise Jesus.

Br?no:
There's a lot of African Americans in Africa!

African-American Lady:
No! There's a lot of Africans in Africa!

Br?no:
That's racist!

Br?no:
So... if they are nice they are gay, right?

National Guard Officer:
What type of belt is that, candidate? What is that?

Br?no:
D and G.

National Guard Officer:
What is D and G?

Br?no:
Dolce and Gabbana, hello.

Dominatrix:
What is this? You're gonna dress me like a man?

Br?no:
No, it's just a beard.

National Guard Officer:
By the way, where's your uniform? Go get your uniform on. Do it!

Br?no:
[Bruno returns with a scarf on]

National Guard Officer:
Oh my god. What's up with the scarf?

Br?no:
That is like... it's my own...

National Guard Officer:
[Interrupts] Let me introduce you to somebody. Captain Miles!

Captain Miles:
[Walks towards Bruno] Candidate, what are you doing? Stand into position of attention, candidate!

National Guard Officer:
Do it!

Captain Miles:
Head and eyes straight forwards, candidate!

National Guard Officer:
Do it!

Captain Miles:
Head and eyes straight forward!

National Guard Officer:
Do it!

Captain Miles:
Stand still, candidate!

National Guard Officer:
Do it!

Captain Miles:
That is not part of the uniform, candidate. You need to take that off.

Br?no:
This outfit is to matchy-matchy as it is. And so I was just trying to break it up with some simple horizontal lines.

Captain Miles:
Do you have an attitude, candidate?

Br?no:
No but, sir...!

National Guard Officer:
I think we do...

Br?no:
Sir, she's got an attitude!

National Guard Officer:
Not sir, officer candidate!

Captain Miles:
What?

National Guard Officer:
Did you just call me a she? Get down!

Br?no:
[standing naked outside of tent] Donny, let me in your tent. A bear stole all of my clothes... except for these condoms.

Lutz:
Because I think that... you're amazing.

Br?no:
Am I going to wake up to find you masturbating over me?

Lutz:
I promise not to wake you.

Br?no:
I wouldn't want to wake up and find that I'm torn in my arschenholer.