Canadian Bacon

Boomer:
There's a time to think, and a time to act. And this, gentlemen, is no time to think.

Boomer:
Y'know, it's a free country. If he doesn't like it here, he can swim across the river to Canada. Lotta work there.

Boomer:
If life hands you a lemon, you gotta crush it into lemonade.

R.J. Hacker, President of Hacker Dynamics:
Here he is now. The man that a thin majority of you chose to be the president of the United States.

U.S. President:
It's time to turn off that war machine, and turn on our children.

General Panzer:
What do you want to do, sir? About Russia, sir?

U.S. President:
Yeah, why don't we call up and find out who's in charge over there this week.

Russian President:
Mr. President, please. Is this why you called us here? We already gave up! You won! We are too busy trying to perfect universal indoor plumbing!

Russian President:
You're in charge of the world, now. Don't be such a sore winner!

Roy Boy:
How come you never see any black guys playing hockey?

Kabral:
Now do you think it's easy to just gradually take over every professional sport? Let me tell you something, man. Brothers have started figuring out this ice thing. Hope you enjoyed it!

Boomer:
I'll tell ya another thing: their beer sucks!

Roy Boy:
I want to call the American embassy!

Boomer:
All I said was "Canadian beer sucks!"

Kabral:
People! People! Can't we all just get along?

Smiley:
How do you know that was a nuclear facility?

General Panzer:
Well, they tricked us on that one. That's a hospital. But it's a hell of a strike!

Gus:
These Canadians suffer from a serious inferiority complex. That's why they built this: The Canadian National Tower! World's largest free-standing structure!

Gus:
Canadians are always dreaming up a lotta ways to ruin our lives. The metric system, for the love of God! Celsius! Neil Young!

U.S. President:
The American people, Mr. Smiley, would never ever buy this.

Smiley:
Mr. President, the American people will buy whatever we tell them to.

Edwin S. Simon, NBS News Anchor:
The Canadians. They walk among us. William Shatner. Michael J. Fox. Monty Hall. Mike Meyers. Alex Trebek. All of them Canadians. All of them here.

Edwin S. Simon, NBS News Anchor:
It is the height of six American football fields, or five Canadian football fields. As if Canadian football really counts.

Smiley:
When have you ever heard anyone say, "Honey, lets stay in and order Canadian food"?

Edwin S. Simon, NBS News Anchor:
Think of your children pledging allegiance to the maple leaf. Mayonnaise on everything. Winter 11 months of the year. Anne Murray - all day, every day.

R.J. Hacker, President of Hacker Dynamics:
The American public's attention span is about as long as your dick.

Edwin S. Simon, NBS News Anchor:
Like maple syrup, Canada's evil oozes over the United States.

Honey:
Kabral, what does this look like to you?

Kabral:
Got me. I never saw a white one that size.

Roy Boy:
Are you sure we're in Canada?

Honey:
You smell anything?

Roy Boy:
No.

Honey:
Exactly. Canada!

U.S. President:
I want to say to Prime Minister MacDonald: Surrender her pronto, or we'll level Toronto.

Boomer:
There's not a locked door in the whole country.

RCMP Officer at Headquarters:
Welcome to Canada.

Boomer:
Hold it right there, Canuck!

RCMP Officer at Headquarters:
Who are you?

Boomer:
I'm your worst nightmare. I'm a citizen with a constitutional right to bear arms!

Boomer:
The capital Toronto.

RCMP Officer at Headquarters:
No, the capital of Canada is Ottawa.

Boomer:
Yeah, right. Do we look that stupid? Ottawa!

Roy Boy:
Nice try, Dudley.

President's aide:
Sir, the Helms amendment and NSC order 725 both specifically prohibit the use of Omega Force against Caucasians.

Highway Patrolman:
Le Quebecois.

Boomer:
Huh?

Highway Patrolman:
You know. Wine drinkers. Pea soup eaters. French Canadians!

Highway Patrolman:
I do have to fine you. That will be a thousand dollars Canadian, or 10 American dollars if you prefer.

Candy Striper at Canadan Hospital:
Oh we're not doctors. We're candy stripers! Our universal health care system has determined that you don't actually need a doctor until...

Candy Striper at Canadan Hospital:
...2006!

Boomer:
There it is, men. Toronto.

Roy Boy:
It's beautiful. Like no other city I've ever seen. It's like Albany. Only cleaner.

Honey:
If you say "please" one more time, I'm gonna let you have it!

U.S. President:
You sold control of American missiles to a foreign country?

R.J. Hacker, President of Hacker Dynamics:
If you can call Canada foreign.

Smiley:
Or a country.

General Panzer:
Let me level with you, sir. I would destroy any nation - even my own - if my president gave the order.

Boomer:
All right. Enough of this Dirty Dozen stuff.

Boomer:
Hey, did anyone see "Dirty Dancing"? Now that was a good movie.

Secretary of State:
We were thinking, what could be a bigger threat than aliens invading from space?

General Panzer:
Ooh boy! Scare the sh*t out of everyone. Even me, sir!

U.S. President:
Jesus, is this the best you could come up with? What about, ya know, international terrorism?

General Panzer:
Well, sir, we're not going to re-open missile factories just to fight some creeps running around in exploding rental cars, are we, sir?