Captain Gallant of the Foreign Legion

The Colonel:
If I send a large detail, there will be bloodshed on both sides. There must be another answer.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Could it be in the size of the detail, sir?

The Colonel:
You mean just a platoon... a squad?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
No sir. I mean just one man.

Chacon:
They would tear one Legionnaire to pieces!

Capt. Michael Gallant:
No, I don't think so, Chacon. I know them, they know me - after all I fought side by side with them.

Chacon:
But you won't be fighting *with* them this time, Captain.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Let me try, sir.

The Colonel:
I won't order you to do this, Captain.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Then I have a request.

The Colonel:
Yes?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Don't order me not to do it.

Bennet:
If they're going to shoot there way in, why don't they start?

Caid:
They're still building their courage. To have a gun is one thing, to defy all authority and shoot it is another.

Alicassa:
This is not a good day for market, Legionnaire.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Another day may be too late. My purchase is important.

Alicassa:
What would you buy, Legionnaire?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Justice.

Angry Arab:
With what coin?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
The coin of France! Look at it carefully, my friend. Every coin of France is engraved "Libert?, Egalit?, Fraternit?". What better coin with which to purchase justice?

Carla Robinson:
You know, I ought to kill you for testifying against me.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Well, you shouldn't have gotten mixed up with that bunch. I was just the cop on the beat; I seen my duty and I done it.

Carla Robinson:
And I ought to kiss you for having gotten me off with a suspended sentence. Come to think of it, I never did, did I?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
You going to be in town long, Carla?

Carla Robinson:
No, I'm just passing through.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
You're not going to be passing anything else, like, ah, bad checks for instance?

Carla Robinson:
Let go! That hurts.

Steve Dodosa:
I know something that'll hurt a lot more - a slug from Rick's gun, for example.

Da Souza:
I have news for you. Jo-Jo Bryant is dead.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
That's yesterday's newspaper. Let me have my key.

Da Souza:
Just don't let the same thing happen to you.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Hey, Fuzz, you notice the fella at the bar, the one next to me?

Pvt. Fuzzy Knight:
The one that looked like a pickpocket?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
You mean the one that was a pickpocket. He picked my wallet.

Louis:
So you're not Captain Gallant of the Legion, eh?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Unh-uh... only on Thursdays. Today, I'm Little Bo Peep and tomorrow, let's see, who am I tomorrow?

Louis:
Tomorrow you may be dead.

Lt. Marchet:
Is this the right time of year for a mirage, Captain?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Any time's the right time, Lieutenant.

[Gallant's small patrol is surrounded by a hostile band of Arab tribesman]

Lt. Marchet:
They're taking their time!

Capt. Michael Gallant:
I'm willing to give them as much time as they want.

Shargue:
My personal ambitions are my heart's secrets, but; my promises are witnessed by Allah.

Dr. Nabjabib:
He lives.

Shargue:
Yes... but not for long.

Dr. Nabjabib:
You will kill him?

Shargue:
No... you will!

Sgt. Duval:
There is the wealth of many lost caravans in this tent - lost caravans with no survivors!

Pakka:
I know nothing of that. I'm a businessman; I buy and sell.

Sgt. Duval:
You make it profitable for other men to kill and steal.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Novak is a new man here and he's off to a bad start. It would help if we knew what kind of a man he is.

Cpl. Peter Bertram:
Jan Novak is the bravest man I've ever known.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
That's a pretty big statement.

Cpl. Peter Bertram:
I knew him. I first met him in England during the war when we were on a commando team composed of non-British volunteers.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
He's Polish isn't he?

Cpl. Peter Bertram:
Yes sir, and the Poles were among the first to lose their country. Novak was in the Czech underground, then the Danish and the French underground, before he came to England - always fighting in another land. When the war ended, most went home. I never knew what happened to Novak.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Well, the way things stand, he's still in a foreign uniform.

Pvt. Novak:
You got anything to say to me, you say it when I'm on duty.

Sgt. Duval:
You may be off duty, but that doesn't mean you can brawl over a girl.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Sergeant, I want a patrol ready for desert duty fifteen minutes after I get back to the post.

Sgt. Duval:
Yes, sir.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
And make Novak one of those men.

Sgt. Duval:
You think he's right for this kind of mission, sir?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
He's either a Legionaire or he isn't. We've got to find out one way or the other.

[Private Miller has braved enemy fire to rescue the obnoxious Novak]

Pvt. Novak:
I guess there are a few things I don't understand.

Pvt. Fuzzy Knight:
Yeah, I guess there is. Miller doesn't have any more use for you than the rest of us, but that's a pretty special uniform you're wearing, soldier.

Krivitch:
Five hundred thousand fracs - quite a bundle, eh, Paymaster Sgt. Zachariades?

Payroll Sgt. Zach Zachariades:
Quite a bundle, Mr. Krivitch - that is, for one man.

Manuel Gonzales:
But when you divide it into 500 Legionnaire pay envelopes, it comes to not such a rich man.

Payroll Sgt. Zach Zachariades:
Not enough for a Legionaire to get married, is it Gonzales? Not enough even for a Spaniard like you.

Krivitch:
Gonzales, after you've been in business counting large sums of money that aren't yours as long as me and the sergeant, you'll begin to lose sight that it has value. You'll get no more thrill out of handling it the would counting, say, leaves of lettuce.

Payroll Sgt. Zach Zachariades:
A legionnaire in love is, how you say, like a starving man looking in the window of a delicatessen store. He cannot touch what he's crazy to have.

Manuel Gonzales:
What have I to cheer up about?

Franca:
Because you have me if nothing else.

Manuel Gonzales:
Is it that love is supposed to make a man happy?

Franca:
Well, doesn't it?

Manuel Gonzales:
In my country, it makes a man to be fierce, to be jealous, to want to swim miles out to sea and never come back.

Franca:
I don't like your country. In my country, to be in love is to be gay!

Cuffy Sanders:
What happened to Gonzales?

Pvt. Fuzzy Knight:
Love. Eight days in the stockade because Sgt. Zachariades was making goo goo eyes at Franca.

Cuffy Sanders:
Love is mush.

Pvt. Fuzzy Knight:
Love is a lot of things.

Cuffy Sanders:
Love ought to be abolished!

Pvt. Fuzzy Knight:
I'm afraid there wouldn't be much left.

The Colonel:
Gentlemen, the Legion does not allow its disciplinary action to be taken by the elements of the desert or unfriendly Arabs.

Franca:
They say he stole money so we could run away and get married. Well, I'm still here and *not* married! He wouldn't desert; he wouldn't run away without me.

[last lines]

Cuffy Sanders:
I still say love's mush.

[first lines]

Cuffy Sanders:
It isn't fair!

Pvt. Fuzzy Knight:
What's not fair?

Cuffy Sanders:
The Captain promised me he'd take me back to America for Christmas, where there's snow and where it's cold.

Pvt. Fuzzy Knight:
Yeah, I know, and the Colonel promised the Captain he could go, 'cause the General promised the Colonel, but somebody higher than the general changed the general's mind; down through the chain of command came a big, fat, round, "No!" My boy, you're in the army, you know.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Christmas is a lot more than gifts, Cuffy.

Cuffy Sanders:
I know. It's turkey and snow and Christmas trees.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
It's a lot more than that. It's peace in the hearts of men of good will everywhere. It's love for your fellow man.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Right now, there are a dozen men out there in the desert. They're not spending a comfortable Christmas Eve in their barracks - they're out in the dark and the cold. Do you know why, Cuffy?

Cuffy Sanders:
No, sir.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Because they're men of good will. They weren't assigned to this duty. They volunteered because they love you, Cuffy. There can be no greater Christmas present than that.

Cuffy Sanders:
A fine Christmas I made for everybody... stuck out here in the desert.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
The first Christmas Eve was on a desert just like this, Cuffy.

Cuffy Sanders:
Without any snow or Christmas trees?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
No snow, no Christmas trees - just sand and oasises and little towns of mud brick. Towns like Taroudant and Zagora, Wazazant... only this town was called Bethlehem.

Cuffy Sanders:
And those were the first Christmas presents - that gold and that other stuff?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Not exactly, Cuffy. The first Christmas present - and the greatest - was Jesus himself, who brought to all men the promise of peace, the example of sacrifice and the lesson of love.

Jean Martel:
What's the idea? You've got your nerve passing yourself off as my father and mother. I've got a good mind to tell the police who you really are.

Louis Pinaud:
You could not be a stool pigeon if you tried.

Marie Pinaud:
Oh, Coco, think of all the good times we had together.

Jean Martel:
Yes, and I paid for it - two years in prison!

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Pay us first. You don't think we're doing this for our health, do you?

Pvt. Fuzzy Knight:
He's right! Money on the line, that's us.

Louis Pinaud:
Tell them they can trust us, Coco.

Jean Martel:
I trust you as far as I can see - no further. Still, if he tries to cross us, we can always cut his throat.

Jean Martel:
[to Marie] We'll only shoot you, my dear.

Louis Pinaud:
Did you ever ride a camel, my dear?

Marie Pinaud:
No, but I married one!

Capt. Michael Gallant:
[to Fuzzy and Duval] Now remember two things - one: we're geologists looking for oil and two: we're after papers of the utmost importance!

Capt. Michael Gallant:
I'm going to the Cafe Hoggar.

Pvt. Fuzzy Knight:
You mean you're goin' there all alone?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
No, Fuzz...

[pulls a pistol from his suitcase]

Capt. Michael Gallant:
...not all alone.

Alice:
Who are you?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
My name's Gallant.

Alice:
Captain Gallant? You are well-known in North Africa.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
You will be, too, by tomorrow, Alice Birant - thief, traitor...

[referring to a dead man who was shot in the back]

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Well, where do we go from here - or do I end up like him?

Alice:
I didn't do that!

Capt. Michael Gallant:
No no, it was malnutrition.

[Gallant pulls a rug out from under Alice and grabs her pistol]

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Anything broken?

Alice:
Why? Do you want to cheer?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
No, not particularly, but with two broken arms, you might not be so light-fingered the next safe you run across.

[Alice agitatedly paces the floor of Madame Trea's room]

Madame Trea:
Alice, that rug cost me a lot of money. Please don't wear it out.

Alice:
You know, I did steal the plans.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Let's say you took them into protective custody.

[last lines]

Alice:
I don't know how to thank you, Captain. You saved our lives and our country's honor.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Your country's honor was never at stake - not with people like you working for it.

[first lines]

Narrator:
More than a hundred years ago, the Foreign Legion first patrolled the great Sahara. Today, this same desert is the training ground for the Legion's new recruits. Through hardship and bitter fighting, they soon become they soon become the hardy fighters who have brought so much glory to the tri-color of France.

Sgt. Duval:
He's a strange one, this Schmidt. Not once has he gone into town in the three weeks we have been here. I offer him passes, but he always refuses.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
A Legionnaire turning down passes to town? The honor of the regiment is at stake.

Makko:
That's what's the matter with this country. The politicians want to be philosophers and the philosophers want to be left alone.

Jeannine:
And barmen that talk like philosophers - what do they want?

Marcel, Jeannine's brother:
One of them wants to marry my sister.

Jeannine:
Why did you not come back sooner?

Cpl. Johann Schmidt:
Because you are French and I am German. There is no love strong enough to build a bridge across the Rhine.

[first lines]

[Cuffy, Fuzzy and Kedrey are playing baseball]

Cuffy Sanders:
Come on, Kedrey, put it right here.

Pvt. Fuzzy Knight:
That's it, put it right here! Oh boy, oh boy!

[Cuffy swings and misses at Kedrey's pitch]

Pvt. Fuzzy Knight:
That's it. That's a beautiful curve, Kedrey!

Cuffy Sanders:
Aw, the sun got in my eyes.

Pvt. Fuzzy Knight:
I don't see how it did - you had 'em closed.

Aunt Ogdell Drexel:
Are you Captain Gallant?

Pvt. Fuzzy Knight:
No ma'am. I'm Legionnaire Fuzzy Knight, First Class Private, ma'am.

Aunt Ogdell Drexel:
Oh. Is that what French Legionnaires do - play with children?

Pvt. Fuzzy Knight:
No, we have military duties once in a while, too, ma'am. Right now, Captain Gallant has assigned me to keep an eye on the boy.

Aunt Ogdell Drexel:
Hmm. You're not a very impressive governess, are you?

The Colonel:
Do you think you're doing the right thing, Mrs. Drexel?

Aunt Ogdell Drexel:
I'll answer your question with another. Do you think a legion post is a wise place to raise a boy?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
I don't question the legality of the papers...

Aunt Ogdell Drexel:
But...?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
I do question your moral position.

The Colonel:
Let's go over it once more, Captain Gallant. We must have it letter perfect. Old Iron Fist, er, General Andre Falcos will expect you, as assigned aide for the day, to be throughly conversant with all aspects of the presentation. Now, first - origin of the prayer rug - where did it come from?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
From Kaaba, sir, the structure surrounding the holy black stone in Mecca. The rug was once used as the covering for the ground adjacent to the stone as a place to kneel and worship.

[the Colonel has just learned the priceless prayer rug has been stolen]

The Colonel:
Captain, it is ten minutes after one now. At five o'clock the rug is still to be presented to the Caid and General Andre Falcos.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
I understand, sir.

The Colonel:
Captain, I dislike waiting in the dark. Advise me the moment you have any information and remember, General Falcos earned the name "Iron Fist".

Alfred Morido:
The captain is perhaps interested in jewelry?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
No thanks, not today.

Alfred Morido:
Rugs perhaps?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
What kind of rugs are we talking about?

Alfred Morido:
Prayer rugs.

Alfred Morido:
I want the prayer rug.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Why come to me? I don't have it.

Alfred Morido:
I know, but perhaps you can find it.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
And if I do?

Alfred Morido:
I'll buy it from you... for ten million francs.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
That's quite a Christmas Club you belong to.

Alfred Morido:
Any man will take a bribe, Captain, it's only a matter of price - be it measured in francs, dollars or... lives.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
I understand you were struck from behind by whoever stole the rug this morning.

Ha Sing:
Oh, yes sir, by an object considerably harder than this my hard head.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
And you saw nothing?

Ha Sing:
There were stars, sir, flashing white pinpoints... their brilliance, a dazzled flight against a velvet sky.

Larro:
You mean you're going to look for a European blonde.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
No, I mean to find one. Time is running out.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
I'm looking for a girl.

Charlie:
Who isn't?

[with his pistol drawn, Gallant bursts into a room and find a beautiful woman painting her fingernails]

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Are you Monique?

Monique:
Oui, but I can't shake hands...

[indicates the pistol in Gallant's hand]

Monique:
...and neither can you.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
You want to talk business? All right, try this - you give me the rug and I'll give you...

Monique:
Yes?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
...and I'll give you your eyebrow pencil.

Monique:
You're wasting my time, Captain.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Better get used to it. Wasting time is what they do in jail and jail is where you're going.

Monique:
...If you find the rug.

Monique:
It could have been that man I saw outside my door when I returned. He was an Arab; he was walking with a limp and carried a crutch. He was...

Monique, Capt. Michael Gallant:
...behaving suspiciously.

Monique:
You don't believe me?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Why should I? That's a gun in your hand, not a Bible.

Monique:
So?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
So, at worst you're a murderess and the least you're a thief.

Monique:
I prefer lady of opportunity.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
How clever you are.

Monique:
How insulting you are.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
[to Monique] You're so pretty - on the outside.

Capt. Michael Gallant:
I got my paint smear in the closet at Monique's place. Where would you say you got yours, Mr. Larro?

Capt. Michael Gallant:
Where's Ha Sing?

Monique:
Same as last time. He's sleeping the deep poet's sleep.

[first lines]

Narrator:
Along the vast perimeter of the Sahara Desert is a chain of ancient cities established by the Moslem conquerors more than a thousand years ago. The only law for centuries was that of the sword. But now, to protect the weak and to punish those who would break the law, there is a force unlike any other - and that force is the French Foreign Legion.

[Cuffy negotiates with an Arab vendor over the price of a wallet]

Cuffy Sanders:
Gee, it sure is nice. How much?

Arab Merchant:
Two thousand francs - but to a special friend, a special price... one thousand francs.

Cuffy Sanders:
If it costs a thousand francs, I won't have any francs to put in it!

Commodore M.T. Langton:
Now what are the terms of the ransom note?

Capt. Gallant:
[reading note] "Commodore Langton, at 6 o'clock tonight, one man, alone - not followed, must bring 10,000 English pounds to the old Fierro mill or George Langton will be killed."

Commodore M.T. Langton:
He isn't worth it. My nephew isn't worth ten pounds, let alone ten thousand pounds. He's just a fancy talking landlubber; a dilettante who hasn't done an honest day's - or a dishonest day's - work in his life.

Pvt. Knight:
I think I found that girl you're looking for, Captain.

Capt. Gallant:
Who is she?

Pvt. Knight:
Her name is Charlene something. She's French and she's fire.

Capt. Gallant:
How do you know that?

Pvt. Knight:
I know a guy that got burned.

Capt. Gallant:
How have you known George Langton?

Charlene:
A month or so.

Capt. Gallant:
And he's a good friend of yours?

Charlene:
Yes.

Capt. Gallant:
Yet you sit around polishing your nails while he's being held for ransom, eh?

Charlene:
I worked in London during the war, Captain Gallant. When we were being bombed, I used to sit around and polish my nails. One day there was a direct hit next to us. Our house fell in; I had this nail to go. I finished it! Next question.