Carry on Columbus

The Wazir:
[after a messenger arrives] He brings news of what the Lisbonians are getting up to.

The Sultan:
I don't care what they get up to, as long as they don't do it in the street and frighten the camels!

The Wazir:
No, no, sir, the city of Lisbon.

The Sultan:
Oh! The one in Portugal?

The Wazir:
Quite correct, O mighty one.

Fatima:
You mean, the sharks won't eat me whole?

Marco the Cereal Killer:
Oh, no! I'm told they spit that bit out first!

Nina the Model:
Well I'm off to Italy next week. Michelangelo wants to do me up on the ceiling.

Christopher Columbus:
Well you mind you hang onto something while you're up there!

Don Juan Diego:
Here, we just had a leak in the hold.

Bart Columbus:
Oh did you? Well next time do it over the side!

Christopher Columbus:
[a slave presents the Chief and Columbus with cigars] What do you make of it?

Mordecai Mendoza:
Some kind of vegetable? Looks like old dried cabbage. [Columbus takes a bite] What does it taste like?

Christopher Columbus:
Horse sh*t.

Mordecai Mendoza:
Is it cooked?

Christopher Columbus:
If it is they should shoot the cook. [the slave lights the Chief's cigar] Well I'll be damned! Look at that. They cook it while you're eating it.

Mordecai Mendoza:
So try it cooked. [the slave lights Columbus' cigar. He has a puff] What's it taste like now?

Christopher Columbus:
Still tastes like horse sh*t.

Fatima:
[Last line] Carry on, Columbus.