Category 7: The End of the World

'Tornado' Tommy Dixon:
When I was up in that twister, looking down at the Sears Tower, it struck me. I was a man facing his destiny strapped in an SUV. So, what did I do?

Ross Duffy:
What?

'Tornado' Tommy Dixon:
I popped that lock, and I stepped outside, and I actually flew.

Ross Duffy:
You did not.

'Tornado' Tommy Dixon:
I flew. I figured, "Hell, I'm already dead, why not enjoy the ride?" Ride that whirlwind! But that's when I saw it. My destiny. I was flying higher than incoming traffic into O'Hare, but I suddenly knew that I wasn't gonna crash. That tornado dropped me straight into Lake Michigan. Point your toes!

[seeing tornadoes rip through Paris, France]

Ross Duffy:
It's worse than Chicago.

Judith Carr:
Melody. Does the ideal of a secret mission appeal to you?

Melody Chang:
Do I have a Japanese kitty cat tattooed on my butt?

Judith Carr:
I'll take that as a "yes" to both.

Melody Chang:
Boss, we got nothing in reserve. We get hit by a second weather disaster, we're gonna need a FEMA to look after FEMA.

Judith Carr:
Boy, did I choose the wrong week to get promoted.

'Tornado' Tommy Dixon:
Whoo! Tell me that ain't better than working at a bar!

Faith Clavell:
Right now, I'd rather be serving a bunch of drunks!

Judith Carr:
Ross, Florida just called. Their storm track model just sent out an alert. They think our nothern storm is gonna bend south. They think it's gonna collide with Hurricane Eduardo.

[pause]

Judith Carr:
Ross? Ross, how bad is that?

Ross Duffy:
Jude, if those two storms collide over D.C., and D.C.'s thermal column interacts with the Mesophere, we're not talking Category 6. This is going to be a Category 7.

'Tornado' Tommy Dixon:
Find some low ground! We got a big twister coming in here about two minutes!

Hippie:
Let her rip, man!

'Tornado' Tommy Dixon:
Let me know how that works out, slick!

Jim, Secretary of Homeland Security:
Just my luck - I'm not dead.

Judith Carr:
Jim, I've got really people really hurting out there. D.C.'s hypothetical.

Jim, Secretary of Homeland Security:
D.C. is also a low-lying city on a tidal river with a hurricane coming. It is *the* priority!

[as the data sled is lost to the tornadoes]

Colonel Mike Davis:
This is Cyclone One. We've lost the Data Sled.

Ross Duffy:
No!

Billy Chamber:
15 kilobytes of data, and flat-line!

Colonel Mike Davis:
But, Doctor, from what I saw, if this hits D.C., we're gonna need to find a new capital.

Penny Hall:
No, Monty! You heard what you wanted to hear. Now you listen to me. You have committed a grave sin, and you will be punished because you were right about one thing, Monty, it is the End of Days. And your guilty. Of anger. Of envy. Of lust. Your only hope is to repent, Monty. Now you tell me where the children are and then, and only then, will I help you out of this hell you've made for yourself. And the worst thing about your hell, Monty, I won't be there with you.

[she lightly kisses him]

Penny Hall:
And you won't be with me.

Monty Meekers:
You... are temptation.

Faith Clavell:
Lady Liberty just tried to mace you with her torch.