Cathy

Cathy Andrews:
[narration voiceover] Of the 169 million adults in this country, nearly 37 million are single. 16,350,000 women, and 2 men. I'm joking, of course. [brief sarcastic chuckle] Actually, man or woman, this *is* one of the most amazing times in history to be single. I should know.

Cathy Andrews:
I grew up watching old Fred Astaire-Ginger Rogers movies on TV. They were my role models for romance. I always dreamed that one day, a handsome man in a tuxedo would dance me away into the sunset. Then, the 60s and 70s came. I started dreaming about *really* doing something on my own.

Andrea:
Cathy, five minutes ago, you were depressed about being seated at your awards banquet with a blind date, and now you're excited about getting to return your ex-boyfriend's possesions in front of everyone? Are you crazy?

Cathy Andrews:
As we get older, different things look good to us, Andrea.

Irving:
[shortly before Cathy is awarded Employee of the Year; whispering] My blue necktie is in there.

Cathy Andrews:
[whispering] Tough luck.

Irving:
I want my Springsteen tapes now.

Cathy Andrews:
Finders keepers, losers weepers.

Irving:
Give me back my red plaid flannel shirt!

Anne, Cathy's Mother:
Single women have more cellulite.

Cathy Andrews:
Where did you get that?

Anne, Cathy's Mother:
I made it up.

Charlene:
You must be so nervous for Cathy. [gasps] You hardly touched your dessert!

Cathy Andrews:
Charlene.

Charlene:
Just because you would rather be with a paper bag than the blind date I fixed you up with is no reason for me to be rude. Oh, he winked at me!

Cathy Andrews:
For heaven's sake, Charlene.

Charlene:
Attention, all employees, this is Charlene your receptionist. The office awards banquet is just 10 days away, and many of you still have not cast those all-important ballots. Remember, those wishing to put money on who's most likely to trash his career by getting drunk, saying somthing stupid, or kissing the wrong person, please check with your receptionist today!

Cathy Andrews:
[voiceover] There's no place in the world quieter than a single person's apartment with no message light blinking.

Cathy Andrews:
My name is Cathy. I spent last Saturday night celebrating my Employee of the Year nomination with - a box of Oreo cookies. My best friend Andrea was furious because my boyfriend Irving said he was going to be out of town for the awards banquet.

Andrea:
The man is a coward, Cathy; he can't stand to see you win!

Cathy Andrews:
My *mother* was furious because Irving was going to be out of town.

Anne, Cathy's Mother:
Your father would have walked barefoot through a blizzard to be by my side when he was courting me.

Cathy Andrews:
My *office* was furious because Irving was going to be out of town.

Cathy's fellow staff members:
What's the point of having a relationship if we can't check out the guy?

Cathy Andrews:
[voiceover narration] Irving was going to be out of town. I accepted that. In fact, some little part of me thought it might be good to go to the banquet on my own. This is my achievement, my moment. This is the kind of intense, personal triumph that women in my generation have worked for all of our lives.

Cathy Andrews:
[dropping by Irving's place] Surprise, Irving, I'm here! Say those three little words that have come to mean so much to us.

Irving:
[on his couch, kissing another woman] She'll kill me!

Cathy Andrews:
[Irving explains the woman Cathy caught him with] You felt left out of my life and you just needed someone to talk to. You were confusing friendship with romance. Ha! It's silly. It's childish. It's something I would do.

Irving:
Well, yeah.

Cathy Andrews:
[notices something in the fridge] Your butter is on a plate.

Irving:
What?

Cathy Andrews:
She's been a part of your life long enough to get you to put butter on a plate? There is an artichoke in your refrigerator. Leftover spinach salad, zucchini, lasagna! [opens the freezer compartment] There is water in your ice cube trays and a Lean Cuisine [gasps] a Lean Cuisine in your freezer!

Irving:
I just started...

Cathy Andrews:
This is not someone new. You have been seeing this woman for seven weeks and five days!

Cathy Andrews:
A woman who is serious about meeting a man does not squirt Binaca on a guy's necktie when he tries to open the door open for her, Andrea.

Andrea:
I thought it was mace and my aim's a little off. So kill me, I'm out of practice. You don't exactly have that 'come hither look' yourself.

Cathy Andrews:
I didn't want to 'come hither' in the first place.

Andrea:
Cathy, there's a whole world of fascinating men out here. Give someone new a chance!

Waiter:
Hi, can I get you something?

Andrea:
[spraying mace] You pig, we can get it ourselves!

Cathy Andrews:
Of course, in a way, Andrea's right. No one's looking for Mr. Right anymore. We're looking for Mr. Relationship. A man who's strong yet vulnerable. Brilliant yet sensitive. Sexy yet loyal. A man who can nurture, love, listen, support, succeed, cry, feel, care, share. We're looking for Mr. Miracle.

Charlene:
Only a week left until the awards banquet, Cathy. Are you going to make it?

Cathy Andrews:
I think so. I just have to write up the findings of sixteen more studies.

Charlene:
No problem, you've done that before.

Cathy Andrews:
[confidently] Convince four clients to spend another thirty-five thousand dollars.

Charlene:
[high fiving Cathy] You've done that before! And find a date.

Cathy Andrews:
[losing her cool] Aaack! Not that.

Charlene:
Here, your worries are over.

Cathy Andrews:
Oh, no. Not a personal ad.

Charlene:
Personal ads are a totally viable way for busy, intellectual, career oriented singles to meet. Besides, we don't have time to sign up for another Oriental massage class.

Cathy Andrews:
Forget it Charlene, I have dragged myself to idiotic parties and mixers. I have begged for dates, grovelled for dates, plotted and schemed for dates, but I am not going to answer a personal ad to get a date!

Charlene:
Why not?

Cathy Andrews:
It would sound like I'm desperate.

Andrea:
[discussing the blind date Charlene arranged for Cathy] Charlene said he was very nice.

Cathy Andrews:
Yeah, yeah, nice job, nice conversation, you know I am getting sick of nice, Andrea.

Andrea:
Where's your spirit of romance? Where is that na?ve, idiotic sense of hope? Oh, I always liked that about you.

Andrea:
[door buzzer goes off] Don't lose that, Cathy. Come on. Hope, believe, trust that this time will be magic! [opens the door to Cathy's blind date]

Steve:
Well, well. Two for the price of one!

Andrea:
[digs in her purse and pulls out a can of mace] You pig!