Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy

Road Runner:
Meep, meep!

[Road Runner comes running down the road. Wile E. Coyote lifts a giant rock with a rope. The rope breaks and the rock falls. Road Runner runs past Wile E., sticks his tongue out at him, and then is crushed and killed by the rock]

Wile E. Coyote:
Holy crap! I did it! He's under there! I got him. I freakin got him!

[Wile E. Coyote is eating the Road Runner at a dinner table with his friend who is also a coyote]

Wile E. Coyote:
Oh, this is delicious! I mean it's like when you work for your meal, when you like really work for it, it tastes so much better, you know.

Coyote:
So, what are you going to do now?

Wile E. Coyote:
Oh. I never really thought about it. I've been chasing this damn bird for twenty years, and I'm not really trained for anything else. I guess I kind of let my life get away from me.

Coyote:
Well, I'm sure something will turn up.

[Wile E. Coyote is serving as a waiter at a restaurant]

Wile E. Coyote:
Okay, that's a pastrami on rye, pasta salad, two Diet Cokes...

Customer:
No, no, no, it was one Coke and one Diet Coke.

Wile E. Coyote:
Oh God, I'm sorry.

Customer:
We've been waiting for like an hour.

Wile E. Coyote:
I know. I'm sorry.

Customer:
What the hell kind of place is this?

Wile E. Coyote:
[Wile E. gets pissed off and throws the tray of food and drinks on the ground while shouting] I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, DAMMIT, I'M SORRY! ALRIGHT! You see that my *bleep* identity is... I can't think straight! Just get off my back, cause you don't know what it's like!

Boss:
Wile E., your fired!