Cerberus

Willis:
Who's Cerberus?

Dr. Samantha Gaines:
Didn't any of you take mythology in seventh grade?

Burke:
Willis never got passed the seventh grade.

Willis:
[sarcastically] Ha...

Zach Gaines:
[Crawling down a slimy, tight dark tunnel where some bats might have passed. Stops up and looks at his dirty arm] Is that mud or bat-crap? [Smells his arm] I hate mud!

Dr. Samantha Gaines:
[They have just escaped being eaten by Cerberus] Can I make a suggestion?

Jake Addams:
Please! Hell, I'm open to just about anything at this point

Dr. Samantha Gaines:
Next time, can we please do things my way instead of the old fashion way?

Burke:
[Points at Samantha] Yeah, gets my vote.

Jake Addams:
What is this, a democracy?

Burke:
It's a dictatorship, sir. Of a 3-headed, mean ass, bad breath dog! Now, unless you got a better idea, I say we take her advice.

Jake Addams:
[about Cerberus] It's gotta have a weakness. [Turns to Samantha] Think hard, professor. Are you absolutely sure there's nothing else we can use to fight this thing?

Dr. Samantha Gaines:
At this point, I'm not sure of anything. I mean, all I know of Cerberus is what I've read in books!

Jake Addams:
Well, has anyone ever beaten him in the books?

Dr. Samantha Gaines:
There was Heracles who defeated Cerberus using his bear hands, but he was the son of a God!

Jake Addams:
Next option!

Dr. Samantha Gaines:
Well... there's Orpheus, of course.

Zach Gaines:
[Looks up] Of course. [pause] Who the hell is Orpheus?

Dr. Samantha Gaines:
He put Cerberus to sleep using a lyre.

Jake Addams:
[Sarcastic] Now all we have to do is find a lyre!

Burke:
[sets off a bomb as Cerberus advances] Eat this... Fido!