Champagne for Caesar

Champagne for Caesar

A little-known comedy gem, this never-more-timely sendup of quiz shows and media promotions stars a delightfully aloof Ronald Colman as Beauregard Bottomley, the "last scholar." Beauregard, out of work and living with his sister (Barbara Britton), hits on the idea of making a bundle on the Masquerade for Money radio show, produced by Milady Soap and hosted by a good-natured dolt (yes, that's Art Linkletter). Initially, Beauregard is in it for the loot, but this soon changes as the show's apoplectic boss, Burnbridge Waters (Vincent Price), mobilizes his staff--and in-house Mata Hari (Celeste Holm)--to finish off the seemingly unflappable contestant. Now front-page news, Beauregard means higher ratings and increased soap sales. Burnbridge realizes he has created a monster. Directed by Richard Whorf from a script by Hans Jacoby and Fred Brady, with music by Dimitri Tiomkin, this sophisticated, rapid-fire lark will remind some of vintage Preston Sturges (Sullivan's Travels). It benefits immeasurably from the casting of Colman and Price as antagonists. Colman does a shrewd parody of his erudite charmers, and Price proves that he had the makings of a top-flight comedian well before he turned to ham-and-stakes horror. The title refers to Beauregard's alcoholic parrot and its choice of beverage. --Glenn Lovell

Genre: Comedy, Romance
  Champagne for Caesar Screenplay »
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Year:
1950
1,010 Views

Burnbridge Waters:
We have a Frankenstein on our hands, and a very well-informed Frankenstein. He must be stopped.

Caesar (voice):
Let's get loaded.

Burnbridge Waters:
Don't worry. We will...

Beauregard Bottomley:
If it is noteworthy and rewarding to know that 2 and 2 make 4 to the accompaniment of deafening applause and prizes, then 2 and 2 making 4 will become the top level of learning.

Burnbridge Waters:
I have an idea. I want to find what the average man thinks of it. Then when we've found out what he thinks of it, we'll change his thinking.

Burnbridge Waters:
I loathe humor, and you are humorous.

Burnbridge Waters:
How DARE you fall in love on my time. This is dishonest, treacherous and UN-american.

Burnbridge Waters:
For it is my sincere conviction that the only way to be happy is to be poor.

Beauregard Bottomley:
My dear Burnbridge, I see your point. I am about to make you the happiest man in the world.

Happy Hogan:
You have five seconds to tell us the Japanese word for goodbye. 1... 2...

Beauregard Bottomley:
Siyonara. Not to be confused with cyanide, which is, of course, goodbye in any language.

Happy Hogan:
Is there something special about me that you dislike or do you hate me for myself alone?

Beauregard Bottomley:
Oh, I don't hate you Mr. Hogan.

Gwenn Bottomley:
He merely thinks you are the forerunner of intellectual destruction in America.

Beauregard Bottomley:
Yes, nothing personal.

Beauregard Bottomley:
You'll never be more spotless, Gwenn, you've been throughly brushed off.

Gwenn Bottomley:
I think he's quite amusing. Did you notice his wonderful smile?

Beauregard Bottomley:
Did I? I feel I know each one of his teeth personally.

Gwenn Bottomley:
You know my brother thinks you are seeing me in order to get information about him. I think so too.

Happy Hogan:
In other words, I'm a heel?

Gwenn Bottomley:
Not in other words. Same words.

Beauregard Bottomley:
I fail to see why the location of birth should be met with applause.

Frosty:
But she comes from Brooklyn!

Frosty:
Gee Mr Bottomley, you sure know a lot.

Beauregard Bottomley:
I not only sure know a lot my dear Frosty, I know everything.

Beauregard Bottomley:
If you know everything, you're not wanted around for long.

Mr. Brown:
I've got something right up your intelligent alley.

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