Cheech and Chong's Next Movie

Cheech:
Responsibility is a heavy responsibility!

Cheech (singing):
Mexican Americans / love education / so they go to night school / and take Spanish / and get a B.

[to a girl on the phone]

Cheech:
You wanna come over to my place? Okay. I'll be here with balls on.

Cheech:
Somebody ripped off the thing I ripped off!

Gloria's Mom:
[while driving] Watch the road.

Cheech:
OK, where's it gonna go.

Cheech:
[seeing a jar with a yellowish fluid inside] Hey, it's about time man. Hey, what do you got man? Give me some.

Chong:
What?

Cheech:
Give me a drink, man. C'mon man, give me a drink!

Chong:
[Points to jar] Of this?

Cheech:
Yeah!

Chong:
Go ahead man, help yourself!

Cheech:
Wait a minute [Sniffs the Jar] Hey man, that's pee!

Chong:
No kidding.

Cheech:
What are you doing with pee?

Chong:
It's for my probation officer.

Cheech:
Why, does he drink pee?

Chong:
No man, last week I was supposed to bring some in, you know? and I forgot the wash the jar out first. so they see all that mayonnaise floating around in there, and they think I'm on some kind of weird drug again!

Cheech:
[laughing] Alright!

Chong:
And I'm really going to f*** with his mind this time.

Cheech:
Why, what'd you do?

Chong:
I had my sister pee in it.

Cheech:
Yeah?

Chong:
Yeah, and she's pregnant man!

Guard at the Studio Entrance.:
[to Cheech] Hey, Fella, you need a pass.

Cheech:
[Cheech is covered in ashes after the car explosion] Oh, uh... I'm with the Towering Inferno, man.

Guard at the Studio Entrance.:
[to Cheech after leaving in a van] Hey, Fella, your pass?

Cheech:
Pass, oh thanks a lot man.

[after shifting gasoline that has spilt on their clothes, Chong tries to light a joint]

Chong:
You got a light, man?

Chong:
Huh, oh yeah, here [hands him a lighter] Hey I don't think you better light it in here, man.

Chong:
Why?

Cheech:
Ah, these gas fumes, man.

Chong:
Oh man. [flicks the lighter]

Cheech:
I don't know.

[the inside of the car explodes]

Cheech:
Holy sheep sh*t! It's guitar heaven!

Cheech:
Man, if you had a second brain, it would die of loneliness, man.

Cheech:
Want me to teach you some Spanish, man?

Chong:
Okay.

Cheech:
When you see a friend, you say, hey, how's it going, pendejo?

Chong:
Hey, how's it going, pendecko?

Cheech:
...yeah, that's close enough.

Chong:
What does that mean, man?

Cheech:
Oh, it means my really good friend.

Chong:
How's it going, pend... Pen... how was that, again?

Cheech:
Pendejo.

Chong:
Pendecko.

Dwayne 'Red' Mendoza:
Cheech! Hey, you old pile of horse sh*t! How are you? God damn, you got ugly! How ya doing, man?

Chong:
Good, man.

Dwayne 'Red' Mendoza:
I haven't seen you in ten years, man!

Chong:
I'm not Cheech, man.

Dwayne 'Red' Mendoza:
What?

Chong:
I'm Cheech's friend Chong.

Dwayne 'Red' Mendoza:
Oh, hey, Ching! Good to meet you!

Cheech:
[waiting on date to arrive] Man, hurry up, b*tch. I got lots of sh*t to do. Sh*t. If that b*tch doesn't hurry up and get here, I'll have to wait some more.

Desk Clerk:
[on phone with police] Look, this is the real thing this time! There are two crazies running around tearing the place up! I already told you our location! ERRRGH! Well, what are they doing, walking over here? Look, I think they're Iranians!... okay, thanks very much.

Pee-wee Herman:
Hey, you guys look a little familiar to me!

Dwayne 'Red' Mendoza:
Hey, you smell kinda familiar.

Pee-wee Herman:
Ha, ha, ha. I'm the comedian. I'll tell the jokes, if you don't mind! If you think it's so easy, why don't you come up here and do it?

Gloria's Mom:
Yeah, go up there and tell a joke!

Pee-wee Herman:
That's right! You come up here and do it!

Dwayne 'Red' Mendoza:
Okay!

Chong:
Yeah, man!

Pee-wee Herman:
F*** this. I'm going somewhere else. Hey, hey, here! [gives Red the finger and storms off]

Chong:
You're driving like an idiot, man.

Cheech:
I just can't get used to these automatics, man.

Chong:
Yeah, they are real complicated, aren't they?

Cheech:
Sh*t, man, I'm gonna be late for work again. That's the fifth time this week, and it's only Tuesday, man.

Cheech:
Hey, that's a pretty nice car, man. Better get it back to the circus before they find out it's gone.

Chong:
I dig it, man. It's good. But you know, while you were singing that, I came up with another song, man.

Cheech:
Oh, yeah?

Chong:
Yeah. It's like the same thing, only different.