Chop

The Stranger:
Have you ever been shot with a tranquilizer gun?

Lance Reed:
No. Why? OH!

[bang]

The Stranger:
Here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna go home, you're gonna kiss your wife, and you're gonna tell her that ya love her.

Lance Reed:
'kay. That sounds good so far. Anything else?

The Stranger:
That's it. Oh, but you're never to mention the fact that you know she f***ed your brother. You're not gonna yell at her, you're not gonna leave her, you're gonna spend the rest of your life with her - and every time you kiss her, you're gonna know that your brother shot a huge wad down her throat.

The Stranger:
Do you think I'm stupid?

Lance Reed:
No, I think you're psychotic, but the real question is how the f*** can you hear me?

Detective Williams:
Fifty bucks says she's in the freezer and she bit his finger off...

Detective Roebuck:
Ouch.

Detective Williams:
...while he was cutting off her head.

The Stranger:
I'll tell you what's left, buddy-boy - YOU! And I am gonna keep taking from you until I get what I want.

Detective Williams:
Lance, what happened to your hand?

Lance Reed:
Oh, that was just another accident.

Detective Roebuck:
What? What happened?

Lance Reed:
The, um - what was it? - the-the frickin' lawnmower again. Can you believe it?

Detective Williams:
Lance, do you even know how to operate a lawnmower?

Detective Roebuck:
There are blades underneath that chop grass. Don't put your hand down there.

Detective Williams:
And who's gonna blow you, anyway?

Detective Roebuck:
Your fat, balding mama.

Detective Williams:
Yeah. She probably would.

Detective Williams:
You gotta admit, dude, those schizos are the best.

The Stranger:
It's amazing the sh*t you can get off eBay these days for just $89.99.

Lance Reed:
Listen, I will get so freaky with you if you let me go. Oh, I promise. You-you-you be Conrad Bain, I'll be little Arnold, and I will do things with that beard you never thought possible.

The Stranger:
Karma is a motherf***er.

Lance Reed:
Whatever it is I did to you, buddy, I... I hope it hurt real bad.