Christine

Leigh Cabot:
God, I hate rock and roll.

Will Darnell:
Ya know Pepper, ya can't polish a turd.

Rudolph Junkins:
The kid's dead Arnie, they had to scrape his legs up with a shovel.

Arnie Cunningham:
Well, isn't that what you're supposed to do with sh*t? Scrape it up with a little shovel?

Rudolph Junkins:
Don't get smart with me, son.

George LeBay:
Her name's Christine.

Arnie Cunningham:
I like that.

Dennis Guilder:
Come on Arnie, we gotta get goin', huh?

George LeBay:
My a**hole brother bought her back in September '57. That's when you got your new model year, in September. Brand-new, she was. She had the smell of a brand-new car. That's just about the finest smell in the world, 'cept maybe for p*ssy.

Arnie Cunningham:
Okay... show me.

Arnie Cunningham:
Whoa, whoa. You better watch what you say about my car. She's real sensitive.

Bemis:
She smiled at me. I want to have deep, meaningful sex with her.

Arnie Cunningham:
Has it ever occurred to you that part of being a parent is tryin' to kill your kids?

Will Darnell:
'Kiddo, you sold him that piece of sh*t, you oughta be f***in' ashamed of yourself.

Dennis Guilder:
I didn't sell it to him. I tried to talk him out of it.

Will Darnell:
You shoulda' tried harder.

Mr. Casey:
[after being told that Buddy Repperton has a switchblade] Empty your pockets, Buddy.

Buddy:
F*** I will. You can't make me.

Mr. Casey:
If you mean I don't have the authority, you're wrong. If you mean I can't turn out your pockets myself-

Buddy:
Yeah, try it, you little bald f*** and I'll knock you through the wall! F***!

Mr. Casey:
[turns to Buddy's friends] You two boys go up to the office. Stay there. Don't go anywhere else. You got enough trouble without that. [turns back to Buddy] Now... if you don't empty your pockets right now, I'm gonna call the cops. [Buddy reaches into his pocket, pulls out a switchblade and drops it on the floor] Go to the office, Buddy.

Dennis:
I bet this thing won't even start.

George LeBay:
She'll start. [Holds up some keys] You'll need these.

[Arnie and Dennis look out the open passenger door, at the old man standing near the car.]

Arnie:
How much do you want for her? Whatever it is, it's not enough.

Dennis:
Jesus, Arnie.

LeBay:
Sonny, you ever owned a car before?

Dennis:
Yeah, he owns a Mustang-

Arnie:
No. Just got my license.

LeBay:
Name's George LeBay.

Arnie:
Arnie Cunningham. What are you asking?

LeBay:
[Gives Arnie the keys] Start her up.

Arnie:
Really?

[LeBay nods. Arnie sits back down behind the wheel, and the Plymouth starts on the first try.]

LeBay:
Her name's Christine.

Arnie:
I like that.

Dennis:
Come on Arnie, we gotta get goin', huh?

LeBay:
My a**hole brother bought her back in September '57. That's when you got your new model year, in September. Brand-new, she was. She had the smell of a brand-new car. That's just about the finest smell in the world. 'Cept maybe for p*ssy. When he got her, she had six miles on the odometer. Goddamn roller when through hell and back with Christine.

Dennis:
If your brother likes this car so much, why is he selling it?

LeBay:
Cause he's stone-cold dead, that's why. Died six weeks ago.

Arnie:
I got the car and that's it!

Mrs. Cunningham:
That most certainly is not it! [to Dennis] How could you have let him do this?!

Dennis:
I didn't let him. I mean he wanted the car and he bought it. I tried to talk him out of it, in fact.

Mrs. Cunningham:
[coldly] Mm, I doubt that you tried very hard.

Dennis:
Yeah, well I'm going home.

Mrs. Cunningham:
I think you should.

Arnie:
OK that's it, I'm getting the f*** out of here!

Mr. Cunningham:
Oh, Arnie, now what kind of language is that?

Mrs. Cunningham:
[sharply] WHAT did you say?! What did you say?!

Arnie:
Look, you wanted me in college courses, I'm there. You wanted me in the chess club instead of the band, OK, I'm there too. Now I managed to get through seventeen years without embarrassing your bridge club or landing jail! Now I'm telling you, I'm gonna have this, this one thing!

Mrs. Cunningham:
You are not keeping any car at this house!

Arnie:
Fine!

Darnell:
[as Arnie drives a smoking Christine into the garage] Stall Twenty! Stall Twenty! Get it over there and shut it off, before we all choke to death! [To Dennis] Kiddo, you sold him that piece of sh*t? You oughta be f***in' ashamed of yourself.

Dennis:
I didn't sell it to him. I tried to talk him out of it.

Darnell:
You shoulda' tried harder. I knew a guy had a car like that once. F***in' bastard killed himself in it. Son of a b*tch was so mean, you could've poured boiling water down his throat and he would've pissed ice cubes! [to Arnie] Okay. That's the last time you run that mechanical a**hole in here without an exhaust hose... I catch you doing it one time, and you're out, you understand? HUH?

Arnie:
Yes, sir.

Darnell:
And I'm gonna tell you somethin' else right now. I don't take any sh*t from you kids. This place is for working stiffs gotta keep their cars running so they can keep bread on the table, it's not for rich-assed, snot-nose kids who wanna go dragging around on the Orange Belt. I don't allow no smoking in here, neither! You wanna' butt, you go out in the junkyard!

Arnie:
Oh, well I don't sm-

Darnell:
[interrupting] Don't interrupt me, punk! Don't interrupt me, don't get smart!

Dennis:
Uh, sir?

Darnell:
What?

Dennis:
[points at Darnell's own men who are smoking at a card table] Those men over there smoking. You better tell then to stop.

Darnell:
You trying to help your buddy right out of here, jerk?

Dennis:
Nah.

Darnell:
Then shut your pie-hole. I know a creep when I see one. [Turns back to Arnie] I think I'm looking at one right now. You're on probation... you get it? You screw around with me once, I don't care how much money you paid up in front, I'll throw you out on your ass! Now you got it? HUH?

Arnie:
Yessir, yessir.

Darnell:
Good! Now, get the hell outta here, we're closed.

[Dennis comes back to George LeBay's house while LeBay is working in the yard. He looks up and glares at Dennis.]

LeBay:
What the hell do you want?

Dennis:
I know about your brother. I know he died choking on exhaust fumes.

LeBay:
You don't know sh*t, kid. My brother died because he wanted to. He ran a rubber hose from the exhaust pipe.

Dennis:
Arnie would have never bought that car if he'd known somebody died in it.

LeBay:
Either you're dumber than you look, or you don't know your friend very well. He had the same look in his eye that my brother always had. Probably the only thing my brother ever loved in his whole rotten life was that car. No shitter ever came between him and Christine, if they did... watch out! He had a five-year-old daughter choke to death in her... he wouldn't get rid of her. He just rode around with the radio blaring, not a care in the world except for Christine. Only time I ever interfered with it was when Rita killed herself.

Dennis:
Who's Rita?

LeBay:
His wife! He didn't care a rat's ass about her! She died the same way he did... then I made him get rid of it... for decency, ya know? Of course, the car came back three weeks later.

Dennis:
What do you mean "came back"?

[LeBay just gives him a look that says "You know what I mean."]

[After Dennis' football injury puts him in the hospital, Arnie comes by on Thanksgiving. They discuss Buddy Repperton and the damage he and some friends of his did to Christine.]

Dennis:
What if you fix her up, and he just comes back and does it again?

Arnie:
He won't do it again.

Arnie:
A toast. Death to the shitters of the world, in 1979.

Dennis:
Oh, come on, Arnie. You know I can't drink to that.

Arnie:
Well, what can you drink to?

Dennis:
What about to us? You know, to friendship?

Arnie:
Friendship. That's real good.

[They drink the toast. Arnie carelessly finishes his beer and tosses it out the window.]

Arnie:
Hey, Dennis. Look. [Lets go of the wheel] Ta-daa!

Dennis:
Come on!

[Dennis tries to grab the wheel, but Arnie stops him.]

Arnie:
I want you to see this. I want you to see this! This is great alignment; you just don't see this anymore! Don't be scared.

Dennis:
I'm scared for you, man, for what's happened to you, this f***in' car!

Arnie:
I know you're jealous. But you'll be fine as long as you stick with me. And you know what happens to shitters who don't.

Dennis:
No. What does happen?

Arnie:
Well, let's not kid each other, Dennis.

Dennis:
Who are the shitters?

Arnie:
All of 'em.

Dennis:
Arnie. Leigh's on your side. She cares a lot about you. She does.

[Arnie snickers, then laughs.]

Arnie:
Heey! Don't you like this beer? I thought you liked beer.

Dennis:
Did you hear what I just said?!

Arnie:
Let me tell you a little something about love, Dennis. It has a voracious appetite. It eats everything. Friendship. Family. It kills me how much it eats. But I'll tell you something else. You feed it right, and it can be a beautiful thing, and that's what we have. You know, when someone believes in you, man, you can do anything, any f***ing thing in the entire universe! And when you believe right back in that someone, then watch out world, because nobody can stop you then, nobody! Ever!

Dennis:
You feel this way about Leigh?

Arnie:
What? F*** no, I'm talkin' about Christine, man! No shitter ever came between me and Christine. Now, you watch this. [Arnie puts his foot down, and Christine passes 100 miles per hour as Arnie steers into the oncoming lane. A car just manages to steer out of the way.] CHICKENSHITS! Oh, there is nothin' finer than being behind the wheel of your own car. [Grins] 'Cept maybe for p*ssy.

[After Christine's remains are crushed into a block]

Detective Junkins:
I wouldn't feel so bad if I were you. You two are heroes, y'know.

Dennis:
Yeah... A real hero could have saved Arnie.

Leigh:
We didn't do so hot.

Detective Junkins:
Hey, some things can't be helped. Some people, too.

Dennis:
Yeah...

[They hear music playing, but it is just a passing man with a boombox]

Leigh:
God, I hate rock and roll.

[As the camera zooms on the block, Christine's front grill twitches slightly]

Dennis Guilder:
Christine is gonna come through the door. You better get in the office and stay out of sight, OK? Once she gets inside, hit the button and bring the door down. Then we'll have her trapped.

Moochie:
Hey, Cunningham! Is that you, Cunningham? Hey! You ain't mad, are you?