Christmas at Pee Wee's Playhouse

Ms. Yvonne:
Aren't you going to comment on my hair?

Pee-wee:
Wow! Christmasy! But what's the plant growin' out of it?

Ms. Yvonne:
It's mistletoe! You're always supposed to kiss somebody if they're standing underneath the mistletoe! This way, I'm assured hundreds and hundreds of kisses from everyone!

Pterri:
Stand over here.

Chairry:
Stand over here!

The Fish:
Come over here and give us a big, wet kiss!

Ms. Yvonne:
Oh, don't worry. There's enough of me for everybody!

Pee-wee:
[guiding everyone in Christmas carols] Deck-the-Halls!

Everybody:
Deck the Halls with Boughs of Holly/Fa la la la la, la-la la la...

Pee-wee:
Sleigh bells!

Everybody:
Sleigh bells ring, are you listening...

Pee-wee:
No, No! Sleigh bells! On the roof! Do you know what that means?

Reba:
You've had too much eggnog?

Pee-wee:
No, get out the milk and cookies! Hurry!

Ricardo:
Felis Navidad, Pee-Wee! That means Merry Christmas in Spanish. Say it! Felis Navidad...

Pee-wee:
Felis Nabeeblah...

Ricardo:
Felis Navidad...

Pee-wee:
Felis NaBeeBLAH...

Ricardo:
Right...

Pee-wee:
That was Cher! Cher was right over there! In the same room as my chair! I hope I didn't stare! Oh well! I don't care!

Little Richard:
You know what they say Pee-Wee, if at first you don't succeed, you get back up and you try... and you try... and you try it again... except ice skating, I give up, I quit!

Pee-wee:
Ooooh, snow! Snowflakes! Snow drifts! Ew, yellow snow!

Pee-wee:
Now I'm going to make an angel in the snow. If you don't have snow at home, just use 20 pounds of coconut shavings!

Pee-wee:
I was kind of hoping maybe you'd give me an extra wish.

Jambi:
Extra wish? You want an extra wish? What do you think this is, Christmas?

Pee-wee:
Well... Yeah.

Jambi:
Oh. Okay.

Dinah Shore:
[to the tune of "12 Days of Christmas"]... 20 pounds of fruitcake, 19 CD players, 18 bags of nachos, 17 body builders...

Dinah Shore:
[to the tune of "12 Days of Christmas"] On the 500th day of Christmas, my true love sent to me...

Pee-wee:
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, and I hope everything on my list will be there.

Pee-wee:
You're the greatest Santa there ever was!

Santa Claus:
I know you are, but what am I?

Pee-wee:
I'm going to have to call you back, I got Dinah Shore on the other line.

Pee-wee:
Excuse me, Miss Yvonne, but before you go making out with everybody in the playhouse, how about forking over that gift?

Pee-wee:
Hi, Magic, what are you doing inside the Magic Screen?

Magic Johnson:
The Magic Screen and I are cousins.

Frankie Avalon:
Pee-Wee, we've finished the Christmas cards.

Annette Funicello:
Exactly 1,000.

Pee-wee:
Ooh, let me count them. Ha ha, just kidding. Now you can start making the envelopes.

Whoopi Goldberg:
Hi, Pee-wee, Merry Christmas. I was just wondering if I could be on your Christmas special.

Pee-wee:
I'm awfully sorry, Whoopi, but I've already booked too many stars as it is.

Whoopi Goldberg:
Oh. Well, how about next Christmas?

Pee-wee:
Next year's special is already booked too. I might be able to squeeze you into the Christmas special two years from now.

Whoopi Goldberg:
Two years from now? Oh, okay. That's alright. Would you do that?

Pee-wee:
I'm not promising you anything now, Whoopi.

Cowboy Curtis:
You know, Pee-Wee, they say if you stare at a snowman long enough, it'll come to life.

Snowman:
Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer.

King Of Cartoons:
Guess what I've got for you, Pee-Wee?

Pee-wee:
It's not a fruit cake, is it?

King Of Cartoons:
No, of course not. It's two fruit cakes.

Pee-wee:
Do you get presents on Hanukkah?

Mrs. Rene:
'Do you get presents on Hanukkah?' We exchange gifts eight nights in a row.

Pee-wee:
Wow!

Mrs. Rene:
So just in case I miss you, here are seven more fruit cakes.

Pee-wee:
[Dictating Christmas list] Alright, Conky, "In conclusion, add to that a pup tent, football, new train set, seven encyclopedias and one of those dolls you fill up with the gooey-gloopy stuff." Sign it, um, "Most sincerely yours - especially on this holiday season - Your Pal, who's been very, very, very, very, very good all this whole year long, Pee-Wee 'I'm not kidding about how good I've been' Herman. P.S., I really have been good. Please believe me, Santa, please! Please and thank you. I've practically been an angel".

Conky:
Gee-gee-gee, Pee-Wee, do you think you asked for enough?

Pee-wee:
Hmm, no. But I didn't want to appear to be greedy. Print that out, would you, Conky? [When the list is printed, it is several miles long]

Pee-wee:
Christmas is the time we should be thinking about what we can do for others.

Randy:
There ain't no such thing as Santa Claus.

Pee-wee:
Alright, I'll just take your stocking down.

Randy:
Wait a minute, Pee-Wee, let's not be hasty here. Why not leave it up? Just for decoration, you understand.

Little Richard:
If God had wanted me to ice skate I would have been born with skinny feet and a little head.

Chairry:
Got you!

Pee-wee:
Thanks, Chairry! Where would I be without you?

Chairry:
On the floor!

Floory:
Hey Miss Yvonne, come stand over me!

Grace Jones:
[Grace Jones, stepping out of a large wooden crate that she was "delivered" to the playhouse in, and giving Pee Wee a confused stare] You're not the president... you're Pee Wee Herman.

Reba:
[Inspecting the wooden crate] This package was supposed to go to the White House, not the playhouse.