Clark and Michael

Clark:
When are you coming back?

Michael:
NEVER!

Clark:
I'm too legit... to quit smoking.

Michael:
They rested their balls our chins on and brushed our teeth with their d*cks!

Michael:
Oh, there's my neighbor Amanda! How are the petunias coming in this year, Amanda?... That's Clark!

Michael:
Did you breast feed her?

Michael:
You're drunk.

Clark:
You're ugly!

Michael:
I mean, why should we make a golden necklace to drape around a neck that nobody watches?

Clark:
Mike, I'm gonna stop you, because you have a new lady. Okay? And her name is Hollywood. And her legs are spread so wide that there's room for both of us in there.

Clark:
They brought up Ashton, not me.

Michael:
Yeah? Well what if I brought up that guy, uh, that guy from American Pie? What's that guy... the curly haired guy.

Clark:
I don't know his name.

Clark:
[to camera]

Clark:
Can we even say names like this? I mean, I don't need another lawsuit right now.

Michael:
Oh please, Clark- JASON BIGGS. Sue me, you cocksucker. Earn your first dollar in seven years.

Clark:
I call her Lazy Susan.

Michael:
Ahhh!

Clark:
She hates it. She hates it.

Michael:
Is she lazy?

Clark:
Her eye... her eye is lazy.