Cluedo

Miss Scarlett:
I had an affair with Mr. Hall...

[the others make noises of disgust]

Mrs. Peacock:
Oh, not another one.

Proffessor Plum:
Is there anyone you wouldn't have an affair with?

Miss Scarlett:
You! And I wouldn't dream of it, either!

[Col. Mustard grabs Mrs. Peacock]

Col. Mustard:
But I love you! Does that count for nothing?

Mrs. Peacock:
It's not enough for me, Mike. There are richer fish in the sea, and I intend to catch one. Of course you can reapply... when you're rich.

[Mrs. White is heard screaming in the background]

Mrs. Peacock:
What was that?

[Mrs. White enters, hysterical]

Mrs. White:
He-He's dead!

Col. Mustard:
Forrest?

Mrs. White:
No! No!

Mrs. Peacock:
Not Mr. Forrest? Then who?

Mrs. White:
His chauffer! K-Ken! Ken's lying on the floor! And he's dead! Aaaahhh!

Maggie Philbin:
Wait! I have a question. Do I have to be on his team?

Presenter:
Yes, you have to be on your husband's team. Next question.

[dramatic music]

Intro Voice:
You are invited to a murder...

Jack Peacock:
It's too bad you have to lose all this.

Miss Scarlett:
[seductively] Maybe I don't have to... We've always got along well, you and I- common enemy and all... Maybe we could come to some sort of agreement...

Jack Peacock:
Don't be silly, I've given your stepmother ammunition in court.

Miss Scarlett:
[takes a gun out of Jack's jacket pocket] Speaking of ammunition do you always carry a gun?

Jack Peacock:
Old habits die hard.

Miss Scarlett:
May I see?

Jack Peacock:
What's mine's me own.

Mrs. White:
A woman of my age has no need to kill for love.

[about killing the victim]

Miss Scarlett:
I figure I've done the world a favor.

Col. Mustard:
[pulls a telephone cord out of the wall] You try making a phone call from here and I'll wrap this around your neck!

Mrs. White:
After what you did to Phantom, I'm sorry I didn't let you bleed to death!

Miss Scarlett:
[unemotionally calm] I don't know how to tell you this mother, but Jack appears to be dead. Stone dead.

Miss Scarlett:
[playing croquet] That's cheating Reverend Green!

Rev. Green:
Oh, I'm so sorry, Miss Scarlett!

Max Gold:
A man of my own kind.

[regarding Sister Concepta and the mansion]

Mrs. Peacock:
I won't let this be taken away from me by some- some Penguin!

Miss Scarlett:
Hello, I'm Vivienne.

Sister Concepta:
Young lady, attire like that will not be permitted here in the future!

Miss Scarlett:
Well if you don't mind me saying so, this really isn't your house to decide.

Sister Concepta:
Actually... It is.

[Mrs. White drops a cake and it's stand, in shock]

[Mrs. Peacock and Colonel Mustard's wedding ceremony]

Rev. Green:
...If anyone can share any just cause, why these two people should not be joined together, let him now speak, or else here after, forever hold his peace.

Jack Peacock:
[Stands up] This whole thing's a farce!

Mrs. Peacock:
Jack! Oh nooo!

Miss Scarlett:
That *b*tch* had me written out of the script!

Col. Mustard:
What a shame, Vivienne.. So the sessions on Tobey's casting couch were a waste of time.

[to Mrs. Peacock]

Marie Anne Kray:
Darling, if you aren't careful you're going to need another face lift.

Marie Anne Kray:
Oh, I'm afraid all that jealousy has turned you insane, my darling.