Comedy Central Presents: The N.Y. Friars Club Roast of Drew Carey

Jeffrey Ross:
Ladies and gentlemen, Drew Carey is to comedy what Mariah Carey is to comedy.

Jeffrey Ross:
Look at this: Abe Vigoda, Freddy Roman, Alan King... I've seen younger faces on cash.

Jeffrey Ross:
[on Alan King] A man who's been doing comedy so long, he lost to Mark Twain on "Star Search"!

Jeffrey Ross:
[on Alan King] A man who burst on the scene at the same time as the beatles. Not the band, the lifeform!

Jeffrey Ross:
You're like Barney Rubble and Buddy Holly had a baby and then peed on it.