Confessions of a Diary Secretary

[Barrie is reversing into a parking space between two Jaguars outside Downing Street]

Barrie Williams:
I hope I don't hit your boss's car. Which one's his?

Tracey Temple:
Both.

[after the Christmas party at which the affair between Tracey Temple and John Prescott began]

Tracey Temple:
[voiceover] As far as Christmas parties go, the way I see it like this: if you don't regret *any* of it, then you clearly haven't had a good time!

[after making love with John Prescott for the first time]

Tracey Temple:
[voiceover] Some people think that sleeping with the boss is a stupid idea, but I like to consider myself more open-minded than most. Sure, it has its risks. But it also has its rewards. The way I see it is like this: if you don't try something new every once in a while, how will you know whether you'll enjoy it?

[Julie Jones has just burst into John Prescott's office and caught Tracey Temple sitting on his lap; now the two women are discussing it in the smoking room]

Julie Jones:
What did you think you were doing?

Tracey Temple:
He flirts... and I reciprocate. That's all it was.

Julie Jones:
Tracey, you were on his lap.

Tracey Temple:
He was upset and I wanted to make him feel...

Julie Jones:
...Horny?

Tracey Temple:
...Better. You know what we're like - we're both very tactile people. There's nothing going on between us. I mean, it's Prescott - would you?

Julie Jones:
[primly] Physically, I'd find it difficult. But if power and oafish charm were my aphrodisiac...

[John Prescott has invited Tony Blair and Gordon Brown to his flat for a dinner party]

John Prescott:
What's the matter, Gordon?

Gordon Brown:
Sorry. Would you mind. Could I get another chair.

John Prescott:
What's wrong with it?

Gordon Brown:
It's too low.

John Prescott:
Right, try this one, Gordon.

John Prescott:
Tony, are you too high or too low?

Tony Blair:
Gordon's always looked down on me - I wouldn't want to change that!

[At John Prescott's dinner party, Gordon Brown has been relentlessly pressing Tony Blair all evening to name the date when he will resign as Prime Minister. They are now at Prescott's front door, about to go home]

Tony Blair:
Gordon, why don't you take the first lift. I'll be five minutes.

Gordon Brown:
How can I be sure you'll go when you say you will?

Tony Blair:
You know something, Gordon, these jokes are just tiring after a while.