Confetti

Antoni Clarke:
Hello, my name is Antoni Clarke, and I am a bride's best friend. [Pause; wearily] I'm not gay.

Antoni Clarke:
Vivianne, am I going to meet any more mental people today?

Antoni Clarke:
Not everyone wants to get married in a crazy way. Not everyone wants their special day ruined by a gimmick. But some people do.

Vivienne:
[About a prospective bride-to-be in an unlikely bid] She was quite pretty. We could pair her up with someone else.

[To a couple pitching an Elvis-themed wedding]

Vivienne:
Do you think that maybe it's been done before?

Elvis Groom-to-be:
[Confused] ... No.

[To a couple who pitched a train-spotting themed wedding]

Antoni Clarke:
I understand that you came here today hoping to win a house; it isn't going to happen. Goodbye.

Trainspotter Groom-to-be:
[Slightly indignant] There's three changes between here and Bridport...

Antoni Clarke:
Well, I'm sure you f***ing loved that. You love a train!

Roman Wedding Bride-to-be:
Our idea is for an Ancient Roman-themed wedding.

Vivienne:
[Delighted] Great!

Roman Wedding Bride-to-be]:
It begins with the sacrifice of a pig at the bride's house.

Antoni Clarke:
[Exasperated] F*** me...