Cool Runnings

Irv:
Our Father, who art in Calgary, Bobsled be thy name. Thy kingdom come, gold medals won, on Earth as it is in Turn Seven. With Liberty and Justice for Jamaica and Haile Selassie. Amen.

Sanka Coffie:
What I am saying to you, is that you are the kind of club-toting, raw-meat-eating, Me-Tarzan-You-Jane-ing big bald bubblehead who can only count to ten if he's barefoot or wearing sandals.

Sanka Coffie:
I'm freezing my royal Rastafarian na-nas off!

Sanka Coffie:
Why don't I draw a line down the center of your head and make it LOOK like a butt!

Derice Bannock:
Sanka, you dead?

Sanka Coffie:
Ya man.

Sanka Coffie:
Ha ha ha! Get back to work!

Derice Bannock:
Who's the big hot bag of air, who doesn't have to comb his hair? Who doesn't bathe and doesn't care, Sanka, Sanka, yay, Sanka!

Sanka Coffie:
"The key elements to a successful sled team are a steady driver, and three strong runners to push the sled down the ice." ICE? Ice?

Derice Bannock:
Well, it's kind of a winter sport.

Sanka Coffie:
You mean winter, as in ice?

Derice Bannock:
Kind of.

Sanka Coffie:
You mean, as in penguins and Eskimos and igloos and ICE?

Derice Bannock:
Maybe.

Sanka Coffie:
See you, mon.

Sanka Coffie:
Look, Star, let me tell you something about yourself. Whenever you need me for something, you don't have to hand me a bunch of lines. All you have to do is say, "Sanka, you are my best friend, we've been through a whole heap together, and I really, really need you."

Irv:
All right, Derice. Let me lay out some difficulties for you. Snow: you don't have any. It's nine hundred degrees outside. Time: you don't have any. The Olympics are in three months. And me you don't have me. As far as I'm concerned, the sport of bobsledding no longer exists. I don't want to do it, I don't want to coach it, and most of all, and I mean most of all, I don't want to be within two thousand miles of anybody who does. Now did you follow all that?

Sanka Coffie:
Greetings, sled god.

Irv:
Oh, yeah, just one little drawback to this delightful winter sport. The high-speed crash. Ooh! That hurt. Always remember, your bones will not break in a bobsled. No, no, no. They shatter.

Sanka Coffie:
I'm the driver.

Irv:
You're not. You're the brakeman.

Sanka Coffie:
You don't understand, I am Sanka Coffie, I am the best pushcart driver in all of Jamaica! I must drive! Do you dig where I'm coming from?

Irv:
Yeah, I dig where you're coming from.

Sanka Coffie:
Good.

Irv:
Now dig where I'm coming from. I'm coming from two gold medals. I'm coming from nine world records in both the two- and four-man events. I'm coming from ten years of intense competition with the best athletes in the world.

Sanka Coffie:
That's a hell of a place to be coming from!

Irv:
Whether you win or lose a bobsled race, it's all about right here, the push-start! And this is where you're gonna learn about the push- start, is right here in a Volkswagon!

Yul Brenner:
Remember, this doesn't mean that I like you.

Yul Brenner:
You're going nowhere, Sanka, and you're thrilled to death about it.

Junior Bevill:
Seemin' to you nobody likes us?

Yul Brenner:
We're different. People are always afraid of what's different.

Derice Bannock:
How about 'Cool Runnings'? Means peace be the journey

Junior Bevill:
Coach! Rise and shine!

Sanka Coffie:
It's butt-whippin' time!

Josef Grul:
Hey Jamaica! Watch out for Number Twelve turn-scary, huh?

Derice Bannock:
What's his problem?

Irv:
He's Josef Grul. He's one of the best drivers in the world.

Yul Brenner:
Yeah, and he's one of the biggest a**holes in the world, too.

Yul Brenner:
Look in the mirror, and tell me what you see!

Junior Bevill:
I see Junior.

Yul Brenner:
You see Junior? Well, let me tell you what I see. I see pride! I see power! I see a bad-ass mother who don't take no crap off of nobody!

Irv:
Oh, pardon me. I didn't realize that four black guys in a bobsled could make you blush.

Irv:
Derice, a gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you're not enough without one, you'll never be enough *with* one.

Derice Bannock:
Hey coach, how will I know if I'm enough?

Irv:
When you cross that finish line tomorrow, you'll know.

Sanka Coffie:
You want to kiss my egg?

Yul Brenner:
I'm not kissing no egg.

Sanka Coffie:
All I'm saying, mon, is if we walk Jamaican, talk Jamaican, and is Jamaican, then we sure as hell better bobsled Jamaican.

Sanka Coffie:
Feel the rhythm! Feel the rhyme! Get on up, its bobsled time! COOL RUNNINGS!

Sanka Coffie:
Coach! Coach! I can't get my helmet on!

Sanka Coffie:
Thanks coach!

Irv:
That's what I'm here for.

Irv:
It's not so much the heat, it's the humidity that'll kill you.

Irwin Blitzer:
Gentlemen, a bobsled is a simple thing.

Irwin Blitzer:
Come on, Kurt, what you're doing here is wrong, and you know it! Now if this is about you and me, let's lay it all down now. All right, sixteen years ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life: I cheated. I was stupid. I embarrassed myself, I embarrassed my country, my friends, my family, my teammates,

Irwin Blitzer:
and my coach. Hey, if it's revenge you want, take it. Go ahead, disqualify me, banish me! Do whatever you want, but do it to me! It was me who let you down, Kurt! It wasn't my guys! They've done everything you've asked of them! And they did it with all of you laughing in their face. Hey, it doesn't matter tomorrow if they come in first or fiftieth. Those guys have earned the right to walk into that stadium and wave their nation's flag. That's the single greatest honor an athlete can ever have. That's what the Olympics are all about. Sixteen years ago I forgot that. Don't you go and do the same.

Sanka Coffie:
I am feeling very Olympic today, how about you?

Sanka Coffie:
Hey Darice! Ya dead?

Derice Bannock:
No, I'm not dead mon. But I have to finish the race.

Derice Bannock:
Hey, you can pee now.

Sanka Coffie:
Oh too late.

Sanka Coffie:
So what should we call her?

Junior Bevill:
How about Tallulah.

Sanka Coffie:
Tallulah, sounds like a 2 dollar hooker. Where did you come up with that.

Junior Bevill:
It's my mother's name.

Sanka Coffie:
Feel the rhythm!, feel the rhyme! get on up, because it's bobsled time, Cool Runnings!

Derice:
That's a Bobsled.

Sanka:
Oh, so a Bobsled is a Pushcart with no wheels.

Derice:
[opens a book] It's what it looks like here

Sanka:
Let me see that, [Derice hands Sanka the book] alright, The key elements for a successful Sled team are a steady driver and three strong runners to push off down the ice, ICE?, Ice!

Derice:
Well... It's kind of a Winter Sport ya know.

Sanka:
You mean winter, as in ICE?

Derice:
Maybe.

Sanka:
You mean winter, as in igloos and Eskimos and penguins and ICE?

Derice:
Possibly.

Sanka:
See ya.

Derice:
Where you going?

Sanka:
I'm going to take a hot bath, I'm getting cold just thinking about all this ICE.

Derice:
No Mon, your going to be part in my Bobsled team.

Sanka:
What do you need me for?

Derice:
Who is the best Pushcart driver in all of JAMAICA?

Sanka:
You're looking at him!

Derice:
Then you gotta do it!

Sanka:
NO!

Derice:
Hey mon you could be famous, you could have your picture on a Wheaties box, but you said no and that's alright because I don't need ya, everybody is gonna want to be on my Bobsled team.

Sanka:
Look Star, let tell you a little somethin' alright?, when you need somethin' from me you don't have to hand me a bunch of lines, all you have to do is look at me in the eye and say "Sanka, you are my best friend, we been through a whole heap together and I really, really need you."

Derice:
Sanka you right, and you are my best friend, and we been through a whole lot together.

Sanka:
Heap, Heap.

Derice:
Sorry mon, whole heap together.

Sanka:
And I really, really need you.

Derice:
And I really really need you.

Sanka:
Forget it.

Derice:
But you just said if I said that mon.

Sanka:
Alright, alright, alright, alright mon.

Sanka:
So what are we going to name the sled?

Junior:
How about, Talulah.

Rest of team:
[Laughing] Talulah!

Sanka:
Sounds like a two-dollar hooker. How'd you come up with that?

Junior:
That's my mother's name. [Embarrassed silence, then Team converses in agreement that Talulah is a good name]

Sanka:
[to Derice] What's it gonna be, star? What are the people gonna be screaming when Jamaica takes the hill?

Derice:
I say we call it, 'Cool Runnings.'

Junior:
Beautiful, I like it.

Yul:
Very strong.

Coach Irv:
Nice, very nice, but... what exactly does it mean?

Derice:
Cool runnings means, "peace be the journey."

Team:
[Toasting] Cool Runnings.

Messenger:
Excuse me... [gives Coach Irv a letter and leaves]

Sanka:
[Toasting] To the man in the orange suit. [Toasting after man leaves] To the messenger.

Coach Irv:
[Ashen-faced, after reading the letter] We are officially...disqualified.

[At the IAWS meeting]

British Alliance Member:
We must also be concerned about the potential for embarrassment.

Irv Blitzer:
Oh, forgive me. I didn't realize that four black guys in a bobsled could make you blush.

Kurt:
I think we've heard enough.

Irv:
[pleads] Come on, Kurt, what you're doing is wrong, and you know it! Now if this is about you and me, let's get it straight right now.

[Kurt stops for a moment as well as the IAWS. He expects a confession from Irv and isn't disappointed when he finally hears it from Irv.]

Irv Blitzer:
All right, 16 years ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life - I cheated. I was stupid. I embarrassed myself, my family, my teammates, my country... [points to Kurt] and my coach. If it's revenge you want, take it. Go ahead, disqualify me, banish me! Do whatever you want, but do it to me! It was me who let you down, Kurt! It wasn't my guys! They've done everything you've asked of them! And they did it with all of you laughing in their face. Hell, it doesn't matter if they come in first or 50th. Those guys have earned the right to represent their country. They've earned the right to march into that stadium and wave their nation's flag. That's the single greatest honor an athlete can ever have. That's what the Olympics are about. Sixteen years ago, I forgot that. Don't you go and do the same. Sorry if I interrupted your meeting.

[Junior Bevil is conflicted about his father coming to Calgary to fetch him]

Junior Bevil:
[Murmurs] Pride, Power...[Stops elevator] Father, when you look at me, what do you see?

Whitby Bevil Sr:
I don't have time for games. Junior.

Junior:
Tell me what you see, please!

Whitby:
All right, I'll tell you what I see. I see a lost little boy, who's lucky to have a father who knows what's best for him.

Junior:
No, no, no, no, you don't know what's best for me, Father. I am not a lost little boy, Father. I am a man, and I'm an Olympian. I'm staying right here. [Elevator door closes with a sad Whitby Sr inside]

Yul:
Junior Bevil. You bad-ass mother.

[Coach Irv has reprimanded the team over their run earlier in the day]

Derice:
You know, when the Swiss want to ge....[Team groans]

Sanka:
Ah, will you shut up about the damn Swiss! I mean, it was all that eins zwei drei nonsense that got us all nervous in the first place.

Derice:
Hey, man, look here, I'm just trying to get us off on the right foot.

Sanka:
Well, the right foot for us is not the Swiss foot. I mean, come on, Derice, we can't be copying nobody else's style. We have our own style.

Derice:
Kissing an egg is no kind of style. It's the Olympics here, it's no stupid push-cart derby. [Long pause]

Sanka:
Let me tell you something, rasta, I didn't come up here to forget who I am and where I come from.

Derice:
Neither did I. I'm just trying to be the best I can be.

Sanka:
So am I, and the best I can be is Jamaican. Look, Derice, I've known you since Julie Jeffreys asked to see your ding-a-ling [Derice smiles] and I'm telling you as a friend...if we look Jamaican, walk Jamaican, talk Jamaican and IS Jamaican, then we sure as hell better bobsled Jamaican.

[at a club somewhere in Jamaica]

Olympic Announcer:
Where did these guys come from?

Crowd At Bar:
[shouts at TV] JAMAICA!!!!

[the team just crashed in the medal run]

Sanka:
Hey, Derice! You dead?

Derice:
No, man, I'm not dead. But we have to finish the race.

"how about I put a line down your head so you have a butt"

[Yul opens his hotel room door. Sanka is there dressed like a maid]

Sanka:
Room service, sir. Would you like your bed turned down? Mint? Perhaps I can dust your head.

Yul:
Whatever is wrong with you is no little thing [closes the door[.

[Yul drags Junior to the restaurant bathroom after seeing him browbeaten by the East German sledders]

Yul:
Now look in the mirror and tell me what you see.

Junior:
I see Junior.

Yul:
You see Junior. You wanna know what I see? I see pride. I see power. I see a bad-ass mudder who won't take no crap off of nobody!

Junior:
You really see all that?

Yul:
Yeah, mon! But it's not about what I see, it's about what you see. Now look in the mirror and tell me again what you see.

Junior:
I see...

Yul:
...PRIDE!

Junior:
Pride! I see...

Yul:
...POWER!

Junior:
Power! I see...

Yul:
A bad-ass mudder who won't take no--

Junior:
...Won't take no crap out of nobody!

Yul:
AGAIN!

Junior:
I see pride!

Yul:
Can't hear you!

Junior:
[more confident] I see power! I see a bad-ass mudder who won't take no crap off of nobody!

Yul:
Once again!

Junior:
I see pride!

Yul:
Junior!

Junior:
[shouting] I see power! I see a bad-ass mudder who won't take no crap off of nobody!

Yul:
That's right!

Junior:
That's right! [storms out of the bathroom] Junior Bevil!

Yul:
[bewildered] Where he going?

[Yul, Sanka and Junior have been thrown out of a club for fighting and are back at the hotel giggling to each other]

Derice:
Go ahead, laugh. I'd like to see who's laughing when Irv gets here.

Yul Hey, wait. Now when that East German push my team-mate, then blood fire we have to fight back.

Derice:
You don't see the Swiss team fighting, do you? You don't them drinking and carrying-on and such?

Sanka:
Ah, but you don't see the Swiss team smiling, neither. In fact, if one of those Swiss boys ever comes across a pretty girl he probably yells "eins, zwei, drei" and tries to push her down some ice!

[the team has just crashed in the medal run]

Sanka:
Derice! You dead?

Derice:
No, man, I'm not dead. [removes his helmet] We have to finish the race.

Irv:
[pushing through spectators to reach the crash] Excuse me, please. Excuse me.

[sees the team carrying the sled over the finish line, to applause and cheers from the crowd]

Grool:
[shakes Derice's hand] Sehr gut, Jamaica. We'll see you in four years, ja?

Derice:
Yeah, man.

Yul:
[grabs Junior] Junior Bevil! [kisses him on the forehead] That doesn't mean that I like you.

Junior:
We split. [they laugh and hug each other]