Crumbs

Mitch Crumb:
All I wanna do is get the hell out of here, and now I gotta tell Crazy 1 and Crazy 2 that Crazy 3 is having a baby.

Andrea Malone:
If it makes you feel any better, I didn't even want to come over here today because I'm still afraid of you.

Suzanne Crumb:
That's so sweet.

Mitch Crumb:
By the way, I'm sorry.

Roger:
For what?

Mitch Crumb:
Oh there'll be something.

Billy Crumb:
[Flashback, Wedding Vows] Whatever I'm doing seems to be working so I'm gonna keep on doing it until one of us dies. Amen.

Andrea Malone:
Since your dad left this place has been crazy. I mean, not... not like your mom crazy.

Elvis:
[knocks on door] I heard someone went sane in here!

Andrea Malone:
Hey can I be your beard for the premier then ditch you for the hot young star?

Mitch Crumb:
It'll be prom night all over again. Except I won't find you in the bushes yelling "It unhooks in the front!"

Andrea Malone:
...Yeah you will.

Suzanne Crumb:
A flyer that says "Food and Fun" attracts the fat and the sad.

Jody Crumb:
[after finding out Mitch is gay] Is this because I used to hold you down and drool in your mouth?

Mitch Crumb:
No, Jody, that's what makes you gay.

Jody Crumb:
[attacking Mitch in a fight] Man this isn't fair, now when I do this to you it'll be a hate crime!

Andrea Malone:
You're hiding a Play-bill in a Play-boy? Aren't you afraid you'll get the stink of boobies all over it?

Suzanne Crumb:
You know, honey, I always thought of you as a nine, but in gay you're a... four.

Elvis:
Hey man, just because I'm big and black doesn't mean I'm Oprah.

Andrea Malone:
I was so obnoxious you have no idea!

Mitch Crumb:
Um, yeah, I do.

Waitress:
What famous people do you know?

Mitch Crumb:
Uh, it's not cool to name drop. Ben Affleck told me that.

Billy:
She's decided that when she dies, she wants to have a non-traditional burial.

Suzanne:
You want non-traditional? Don't wait 'til she's dead.

Shelley:
I still can't believe I sang in front of a room full of people. Do you think anyone noticed the two pee breaks I took during Stairway to Heaven?