Cupid

Trevor Hale:
Make a move! Get in the game! You gonna get hurt? Have a beautiful train wreck.

Trevor Hale:
Coffee without caffeine is like sex without the spanking.

Trevor Hale:
She's not getting older, she's getting bitter.

Trevor Hale:
Ooh. Look at this towel. I have a little rule. If you can't identify the stain, then you don't dry off with it.

nm0005191Claire Allen:
If we are sharing the bed we sleep head to toe.

Trevor Hale:
What's the point, all the interlocking parts still align.

Trevor Hale:
I hardly ever do those midnight sacrifices of small animals. I can't get the otter blood out of my coffee table!

Laurence:
Cowboy Erwin up there is repressing a memory of a milking gone bad.

Nick:
I don't mean to brag, but... I can touch my eyebrows.

Bo Peep:
So...?

Nick:
With my tongue.

Champ:
Don't get me wrong, I've got nothing but love for the mentally deranged...

Sophie:
Nice guys do finish last.

Dr. Claire Allen:
Oh... , I'm sorry.

Sophie:
No. You're not hearing me. Nice guys finish last.

Trevor Hale:
No idea what you just said, but it turns me on. We can agree on things if you just say things I like, just like that.

Dr. Claire Allen:
How is it we're always fighting, then?

Trevor Hale:
Well, you say something, I disagree, wittily, and then you retort with a modicum of disdain. Then you do a little thrust and parry, thrust, parry, parry, Matthew Perry, Gaylord Perry, Sheri Perry, Perry Mason, Luke Perry, William "The Refrigerator" Perry, parry...

Dr. Claire Allen:
I mean WHY, Trevor!

Trevor Hale:
Because we disagree fundamentally on everything and you do this great little turn with your mouth when you get angry. You go like this: [pouts, smooches and babbles on and on in babytalk] .

Dr. Claire Allen:
Can we just stop there while I'm still perceiving that a compliment?

Dr. Darcy Wyatt:
What is going on?

Trevor Hale:
Love reborn, sugarplum. It's like a bad rash, you know? Can't be stopped Goes away, comes back...

Dr. Darcy Wyatt:
Itches.

Trevor Hale:
But it's damn gratifying to scratch.

Dr. Claire Allen:
Why am I here?

Trevor Hale:
A lot of theories on that. There's the whole Adam and Eve thing... the Big Bang theory. Not sure that puts your mother in the best light, though.

Trevor Hale:
Where there's a will...

Dr. Claire Allen:
There's someone there to contest it.

Trevor Hale:
This thing you're not doing? Looks like writing. Take a little tip from an old writing teacher of mine. Drop the pen and [makes cupping motion] grab life by the...

Dr. Claire Allen:
Trevor! What do you want?

Trevor Hale:
A stronger separation between church and state. More anchovy paste in most of your store-bought Caesar dressing.

Dr. Claire Allen:
You know, this is not a great time.

Trevor Hale:
You know, some people are actually happy to see me when I come by.

Dr. Claire Allen:
Really? Are they allowed to vote and drive cars and everything?

Trevor Hale:
If you want my opinion...

Dr. Claire Allen:
I will seek professional help to find out why.

Dr. Greely:
They found him brawling with a pimp. It seems the fellow was standing on the corner offering to find people dates.

Dr. Claire Allen:
The pimp?

Dr. Greely:
The patient, the pimp took umbrage.

Dr. Claire Allen:
Name?

Trevor Hale:
Cupid.

Dr. Claire Allen:
I've got all night.

Trevor Hale:
Tremendous, it appears I'm free, too. Maybe we should hang the 'Do Not Disturb' sign.

Dr. Claire Allen:
[points to self] Doctor. [points to Trevor] Patient. Are we clear?

Trevor Hale:
Yes, indeed, it's one of my favorite games ever. I've got a hernia!

Dr. Claire Allen:
So, you said a hundred couples, correct?

Trevor Hale:
Correct.

Dr. Claire Allen:
How long do you think that'll take you, bow-less?

Trevor Hale:
Two weeks, max.

Dr. Claire Allen:
Two weeks? [starts to write]

Trevor Hale:
Yep. Eleven days. Ni-nine days. Put-put five, put five.

Dr. Claire Allen:
Olympus, tell me about it.

Trevor Hale:
Non-stop, clothing optional party. Everyone's beautiful, drinking wine, chasing nymphs. An amazing place, you have no idea.

Dr. Claire Allen:
I saw Boogie Nights, okay?

Dr. Claire Allen:
Neptune, details.

Trevor Hale:
He gives me a team of oxen and a handful of sheep every year for my birthday.

Dr. Claire Allen:
Sheep, that's interesting. Not what I meant, though.

Dr. Claire Allen:
Oh, and this man, with the Robert Redford walk, maybe he doesn't want kids and she does. Maybe he's unemployed. Maybe he lives with his mother.

Trevor Hale:
So?

Dr. Claire Allen:
So, that's unacceptable to most women.

Trevor Hale:
Maybe he has to take care of his invalid mother, maybe he had to quit his job to conquer Sparta.

Dr. Claire Allen:
Fifteen years of training has prepared me to help these people.

Trevor Hale:
And being the Roman god of love for three thousand years has prepared me for, what? A deskjob at hallmark?

Trevor Hale:
Bad move, brother.

Jerk:
Later, pal, we've got a budding romance here.

Trevor Hale:
[threatens him with a dart] You ever watch 'Fame'? You know what I have in common with Bruno, Leroy and Coco? I'm gonna live forever. What about you, you gonna live forever? You see, it would *saturate* my pleasure gland to rip your skin off and make ponchos for the kids, so keep your paws off my shrink here because I'm a frustrated taxidermist and I'd love to go deep on you. We on the same team, butterbean?

Trevor Hale:
You ever watch FAME? You know what I have in common with Bruno, Leroy, and Coco? I'm gonna live forever. What about you? You gonna live forever? See, it would saturate my pleasure gland to rip your skin off and make ponchos for the kids. So keep your paws off my shrink here, 'cause I'm a frustrated taxidermist and I'd love to go deep on ya. We on the same team butterbean?

Dr. Claire Allen:
'Fame'?

Trevor Hale:
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Claire Allen:
You get cable on Mt. Olympus?

Trevor Hale:
Omniscience, baby, look it up.

Albert "Champ" Terrace:
Where were you living before here?

Trevor Hale:
Lakeview Emotional Wellness and Treatment facility.

Albert "Champ" Terrace:
You mean the hospital?

Trevor Hale:
They didn't believe that I was really Cupid. [shrugs]

Albert "Champ" Terrace:
We better have a little chat before beds are assigned.

Trevor Hale:
Top bunk!

Albert "Champ" Terrace:
I'm an actor.

Trevor Hale:
Oh yeah, you were very convincing last night as that bouncer. I enjoyed your looming presence.

Trevor Hale:
Do you people know nothing about romance?

Dr. Claire Allen:
Ah, the chair recognizes Trevor's id.

Dr. Claire Allen:
Why don't you meet me at the Clark Street 'L' stop?

Trevor Hale:
Good. Listen, after that i want you to take a look at the stain on my ceiling.

Dr. Claire Allen:
Trevor...

Trevor Hale:
Don't get all sweaty-palmed on me, snacktime, professional curiosity. The shape. I think it's an abstract representation of innocence lost...

Dr. Claire Allen:
...or?

Trevor Hale:
A duckie.