Curse of the Pink Panther

Valencia Police Chief:
Is that Slay as in to kill?

Sergeant Clifton Sleigh:
No. That's Sleigh as in one horse open.

Countess Chandra:
Darling?

Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau:
Yes, my darling?

Countess Chandra:
You're smoking the wrong end.

Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau:
Yes... I knew that. You don't have to tell me I am smoking zhe wrong end. Do you know why I am smoking zhe wrong end?

Countess Chandra:
No darling, but I'm sure you've got a very good reason.

Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau:
You're Right! I am smoking on zhe wrong end, because I have a very good reason.

Sergeant Clifton Sleigh:
[offering photograph] Do you know this man?

Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau:
No! I have never seen this person ever in my life! Never!

Sergeant Clifton Sleigh:
It's Inspector Clouseau.

Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau:
*Chief* Inspector.

Countess Chandra:
*That's* Inspector Clouseau.

Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau:
*Chief* Inspector!

Sergeant Clifton Sleigh:
You know him?

Countess Chandra:
Yes!

Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau:
What?

Doctor:
Don't kiss him too hard, his lips might fall off.

Taxi Driver:
Damn! Who the hell is trying to kill you?

Sergeant Clifton Sleigh:
I don't know!

Taxi Driver:
[Scene cuts briefly to car chase] Maybe they're trying to kill me. Who would want to kill me? No, no, no it couldn't be my wife, she doesn't drive.

Sergeant Clifton Sleigh:
Well, whoever it is you gotta try an' lose 'em.

Taxi Driver:
When somebody's shooting at you, you gotta do better than trying.

Countess Chandra:
We have a problem, Julie's in hospital. The man Chief Fagilla says shot her with the tranquilizer dart has escaped. Chief Fagilla says the man was impersonating Sergent Sleigh. Doesn't make sense, Julie knew what Sleigh looked like.

Doctor:
Sometimes it is possible to look like one person but actually be another. [Finishes removing bandages] Ta-da!

Countess Chandra:
My God! It's fantastic. Oh darling. [Kisses figure in chair]

Doctor:
Don't kiss him too hard, his lips might fall off.

Countess Chandra:
[Breaks from kiss] What?

Doctor:
Just a little surgical humor.

Sergeant Francois Duval:
[Visiting Dreyfus in hospital after Sergent Sleigh knocked him out his office window] Is there anything I can do for you? [Dreyfus groans in pain] Are you in much pain?

Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus:
My leg hurts, but my throat is killing me.

Sergeant Francois Duval:
You nearly choked to death on a goldfish

Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus:
Where is he?

Sergeant Francois Duval:
I don't know, I don't think they kept it.

Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus:
Not the fish! Detective Sleigh!

Sergeant Francois Duval:
[answers call] Oh it's you, good afternoon, where are you?

Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau:
[lying in a hospital bed and wrapped in heaps of bandages] I am in agony.

Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau:
By the way, we have not been properly introduced. You of course know who I am.

Sergeant Clifton Sleigh:
Sergeant Sleigh.

Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau:
No, I am not Sergeant Sleigh.

Sergeant Clifton Sleigh:
No, 'I'm' Sergeant Sleigh.

Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau:
Oh yes! Now we are getting somewhere.

Prof. Auguste Balls:
[In reference to Cunny] He can whip you up a very nice suit with two pairs of pants while you wait; what do you say?

Sergeant Clifton Sleigh:
Uh... no, you see I'm investigating...

Prof. Auguste Balls:
Of course you're investigating! You're a policeman. I knew that the moment you walked into my emporium: Your courage, your alertness, the way your eyes take in everything. I immediately said to myself "Balls, this is a policeman's policeman." [Begins taking Sleigh's measurements]