Da bing xiao jiang

the General:
So tell me, what's your type? Slutty or learned?

The Soldier:
I prefer someone honest. A learned one is fine. She can teach me to read.

The Soldier:
[to his bound captive] You know, when I was little, I caught a wild boar. My father set it free. Do you know why? It was pregnant. Are you pregnant?

the General:
The tastiest meat is a gorilla's lips. The tastiest fish is the caviar from Eastern Sea.

The Soldier:
No wonder you went to wars. You ate too much.

The Soldier:
I forgot to tell you, the reward for capturing a live enemy general is land, cash, and exemption from military service. Exemption from military service for life! Only tilling land. No need to go to war.

the General:
There's always a victor in a war. Only when the victor has unified the world will there be true peace so little men like you can lead a regular life.

The Soldier:
You know what? If you hadn't gone to war with us, I could have been living this life right now!