Darkwing Duck

Launchpad:
[while hold a log to his ear] The cows are not what they seem...

Gosalyn Mallard:
Weird...

Honker Muddlefoot:
Even for Launchpad...

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am Darkwing Duck.

Moliarty:
Darkwing Duck? Sounds like something I should try with eggroll.

[surrounded by a cloud of red smoke]

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am... obviously out of my trademark blue smoke.

Darkwing Duck:
[while talking to a tree that's about to attack him] I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the termite that devours your floorboards.

Darkwing Duck:
[stuttering] Taurus Bulba! I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the surprise in your cereal box...

Negaduck:
I am the most *fiendish* terror that flaps in the darkest night. I am the skunk that pollutes your air. I am Negaduck [diabolical laughter]

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the batteries that are not included.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the headache in the criminal mind.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the wrong number that wakes you at 3am...

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the raspberry seed you can't floss out.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the fingernail that scrapes the blackboard of your soul.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the onion that stings in your eye.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am a special news bulletin that interrupts your favorite show.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the scourge that pecks at your nightmares.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the hairball that clogs your drains.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the low ratings that cancel your program.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the auditor that wants to look at your books.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the slug that slimes your begonias.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the bubble gum that sticks in your hair.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the itch you cannot reach.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the smoke that smokes smoked oysters.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the jailer who throws away the key.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the ten dollar service charge on all returned checks.

Darkwing Duck:
Let's get dangerous.

Gosalyn Mallard:
If nature wants to get in touch with me, it can send me a fax.

Megavolt:
I'll finally be rid of them MEDDLING KIDS AND THEIR NOSY DOG."

[Regaining his composure]

Megavolt:
Whoops. Wrong cartoon.

Negaduck:
[about to pull a switch that will execute his adversaries] Now it's time to SAY GOODBYE... to ALL our company.

Negaduck:
I feel awful... stooping to such petty crimes. But you can't imagine how expensive thermonuclear warheads are these days.

Darkwing Duck:
It's like "the Chicken" said Lauchpad, I knew the job was dangerous when I took it.

Darkwing Duck:
Suck gas, evildoer.

Darkwing Duck:
Let's get considerate.

Darkwing Duck:
The jig is up, you jaded, jug-headed, jack-in-the-box.

MegaVolt:
I'll make him sizzle like spit on a griddle.

Quackerjack:
Ooh. Aren't we sounding folksy.

Dr. Reginald Bushroot:
Oh, well. A plant's gotta do what a plant's gotta do.

Darkwing Duck:
We're going back in time, Launchpad.

Launchpad McQuack:
Oh, boy. In time for what?

Darkwing Duck:
The worst part of public transportation is the Public.

Darkwing Duck:
Sheesh. They ought to lock me up just for wearing this ridiculous outfit.

Darkwing Duck:
Sheesh. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

Darkwing Duck:
The bad part of town... where the sun never shines, where brutality is a way of life, and where, uh, people just rea... they're really not very nice at all. Really.

[Megavolt makes his debut]

Megavolt:
I am... Megawatt!

Bandleader:
Dude, that's our name.

Megavolt:
At last, what I've always wanted! The ability to entertain others at cocktail parties!

Darkwing Duck:
[suddenly being brought back to his senses] Who, what, where, and sometimes why?

[while being stalked by Moliarty with a rocket launcher]

Darkwing Duck:
It's okay, we should be safe hiding behind these barrels of... FUEL OIL?

[They scram just as the barrels explode]

Steelbeak:
If dere's one t'ing I 'ate, it's excuses!... Make dat two t'ings I 'ate. Excuses, an' a seven-ten split!

Megavolt:
That's right! Prepare to meet thy doom at the hands of the... the TWO most dangerous criminals ever! Together!

Megavolt:
At last! I'll have revenge on those who tormented me! Those who made me what I am! Wha... what am I anyway?

Darkwing Duck:
Clever of me to use my spine to break my fall like that.

Launchpad:
[impersonating Darkwing Duck] Err... I am the terror that sings in the night... I am the uhh... wrong song.

[repeated line]

Megavolt:
Don't call me "Sparky"!

Darkwing Duck:
[to Gosalyn as she prepares to swing at a golfball on his mouth] Have I ever told you the story about the little girl, the golf club and the firing squad?

Darkwing Duck:
How stupid could I be?

Gosalyn Mallard:
Does he really want us to answer that?

Darkwing Duck:
[sarcastically] Thank you for your support!

Gosalyn Mallard:
I'll be back when you've reestablished your ego.

Chorus During Theme Song:
When there's trouble, you call D. W.!

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the repairman who tells you your warranty has run out...

Darkwing Duck:
Over my dead body sister! [realizes implications of what he said] I can't believe I just said that!

Darkwing Duck:
Why do the weird ones always fall for me?

Launchpad:
Uh, maybe it's the mask.

Isis Vander Chill:
You sure know how to give a girl the run-around cutie. Now, how about a great big hug?

Isis Vander Chill:
I've been thinking, Hon, maybe I can help find those bugs you were looking for. After all, I know every nook and cranny in this cavern. So what do you say, Sweets? Are we a team?

Darkwing Duck:
Well, I do wanna solve this case ASAP, right LP?

Launchpad:
I don't knew, DW. Something about her just gives me the chills.

Isis Vander Chill:
Fabulous! Then it's a date!

Darkwing Duck:
Date? But what about finding those felonious firebugs?

Isis Vander Chill:
Oh, let's not rush into things, Hon. First, we have to get to know another!

Isis Vander Chill:
Oh, Darkwing, my darling little icicle! This is so romantic!

Darkwing Duck:
Yeah, right. Now about those fugitive firebugs. Gimmie...

Isis Vander Chill:
Did anyone ever tell you that you have the cutest little beak?

Darkwing Duck:
Forget my beak! I wanna talk bugs!

Isis Vander Chill:
Later, Hon! The night's still young!

Isis Vander Chill:
Dinner and a movie. What more could you ask for?

Darkwing Duck:
Finding those firebugs before I freeze to death would be nice.

Isis Vander Chill:
Gee, it is a bit chilly, isn't it?

Movie Character:
You might say that!

Isis Vander Chill:
Is this intimate little boiler-room warm enough for you, Hon?

Darkwing Duck:
Warm enough? If I were any warmer you could serve me a'la carte!

Isis Vander Chill:
You just need to relax. Here. Try a nice refreshing cup of steam

Darkwing Duck:
OK, maybe we should discuss this, huh?

Isis Vander Chill:
Oh, Pookie! I knew you'd warm up to me! Come on, let's kiss and make up!

Isis Vander Chill:
Eat ice, baby!

Launchpad McQuack:
[DW and LP are marched into village] Looks like we might have to fight our way out of this one, DW.

Darkwing Duck:
Oh contraire, mon flaire. In a time of crisis, one must remain cool, calm, and unflappably civil.

[Jumps on gorilla and shakes its head]

Darkwing Duck:
Okay, you big baboon, this is your last chance! *Where's Gosalyn?*

Darkwing Duck:
[looks at the camera] Okay, so I don't practice what I preach. I'm a parent, I can get away with it.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the flea you cannot flick...

Gosalyn Waddlemeyer-Mallard:
If nature wants to commune with me, it can send a fax!

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the pustulant blister that bursts in your boot...

[first lines]

Gosalyn Waddlemeyer-Mallard:
Honker, you just can't get any closer to heaven than this; the Sunday funnies, a bowl of Honey Crunchy Wacky O's and a day with nothing to do but rot our brains on cartoons and video games. The benefits of modern civilization can be breathtaking.

Gosalyn Mallard:
[walking out of a port-a-potty] You know, there are child endangerment laws in this state!

[first lines]

Darkwing Duck:
This is the city of St. Canard, my city. There must be a million stories about it and I know them all - all the important ones, anyway - and I keep them all locked in the "Darkwing Files"!

Darkwing Duck:
[about a weed whacker he threatens Dr. Bushroot with] It slices, it dices, it... [weed whacker stops]... runs out of gas.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the sewers.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the scourge that pecks at your nightmares.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night I am the stain that can't be rubbed out...

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night I am the rhinestones on the jumpsuit of justice...

[first lines]

Megavolt:
So how do you want to go Darkwing? Regular or extra crispy!

Gosalyn Mallard:
[while investigating Drake's disapperance] Eww, what's that awful smell? I'll bet it's knockout gas!

Honker Muddlefoot:
[Discovers a spilled bottle] It's your dad's cheap cologne.

Gosalyn Mallard:
Like I said, knockout gas.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the switch that derails your train...

Gosalyn Mallard:
I can't sleep!

Darkwing Duck:
Ah, you just need something to relax ya! I think I have a large mallet around here somewhere.

[the Thunderquack buzzes Taurus Bulba's airship]

Taurus Bulba:
Either plane designs are getting uglier, or it's that duck!

[first lines]

Darkwing Duck:
A desperate criminal is at large and terror runs through the streets like a pair of cheap stockings...

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the chill that runs up your spine...

Darkwing Duck:
[stuttering] I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am... I'm the surprise in your cereal box...

Taurus Bulba:
[Ranting to Hammerhead, Hoof, and Mouth] Somewhere down there is this Darkwing Duck. I've watched him. I know his weakness. His posing, his flamboyance, the mask and cape! Ha, ha! That hat! It all indicates an ego the size of a small planet!

Mr. Meekus:
I am the terrier that nips at your shoelaces. I am the Lavender Wrist-slapper.

Darkwing Duck:
Wherever there's an evil-doer evil doing, I'll be there. Because, I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the ingrown toenail on the foot of crime. I am the zit that forms when you've got a really big date. I am the impacted wisdom tooth...

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the widget missing from the easy to assemble swing set...

Darkwing Duck:
I am the kettle that whistles in the night. I'm a little tea cup with the teeny, weenie hole in the handle that you can never quite get your finger in. I am Teapot Duck.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the ten dollar service charge on all returned checks...

Darkwing Duck:
[to receptionist]... I am the icky bug that crawls up your trouser leg. I don't need an appointment; for I am Darkwing Duck. Um - sorry about the smoke.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the pin that will burst your bubble...

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the combination lock on the vaults of justice...

Negaduck:
[pulling off a Darkwing costume] Okay, maybe pretending to be Darkwing Duck is a rotten trick. But then I'm Negaduck, a rotten kind of guy!

Launchpad McQuack:
[as the Darkwing decoy] I am the error that flaps in the night. I am the surcharge that triples your bill.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the itch in your trigger finger.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the current of vengeance gurgling through your sewer.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror...

Launchpad McQuack:
...that flaps in the night.

Darkwing Duck:
[talking about Megavolt] Fortunately, we have a psychological advantage.

Launchpad McQuack:
Uh, because we're uh, sane, and he's uh, not?

Darkwing Duck:
Nooo, because Megavolt's afraid of me. I've sent him to the electric chair. Twice.

Darkwing Duck:
You are not a well person!

Megavolt:
What? And you're normal? I am the cold sore that stings your lip? We are definitely talking demented!

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night...

Megavolt:
Happy flapping!

[though temporarily blinded, Darkwing still manages to defeat Megavolt]

Megavolt:
You couldn't have! You couldn't have! BLAST YOU, YOU'RE HANDICAPPED!

Darkwing Duck:
We prefer the term "physically challenged."

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the clipper that trims your hedges...

[first lines]

Darkwing Duck:
As a cleverly concocted crime wave crashes over St. Canard, a drowning police force calls Darkwing Duck to turn the tide.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the smallest, weakest thing in the whole place and I am also out of here!

[first lines]

Darkwing Duck:
6 burglars, 9 car thieves, 21 muggers, 11 kidnappers, 5 international terrorists [yawns] and a voodoo king with an army of zombies [yawns] - boy for such a slow night, I sure am pooped!

Morgana MacCawber:
And now with the city asleep, I'll finally be able to steal enough money to pay off my student loans.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the weirdo who sits next to you on the bus. I am... the swan prince?

Darkwing Duck:
Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the weirdo who sits next to you on the bus. I am... the swan prince?

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am... [Darkwing is lifted off his feet and flung through a wall]... the misshapen blotch that stains your walls.

Darkwing Duck:
I can't say no to my little girl... not if I want to wake up in the morning.

Gosalyn Waddlemeyer-Mallard:
I was all psyched to learn magic, but it turns out you gotta be a rocket scientist first.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the hair in the lens of your projector.

[first lines]

Darkwing Duck:
The crime fighter moved through the dark streets, his every sense alert to any insidious injustice, malicious misdeed or unspeakable crime. He knew the night held new challenges to test his skills and he was ready. But first I have to pick up the kids from the movies.

Thug:
Never let an embezzler keep score.

[Derek and Darkwing infiltrate Sharp's hotel dressed as bellboys]

Derek Blunt:
We must blend in completely.

Darkwing Duck:
Hey, I can blend in as well as the next guy!

[Launchpad follows, wearing a hula outfit with a fruit bundle headress]

Derek Blunt:
Perhaps, given who the next guy is.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the paper cut that ruins your morning.

Darkwing Duck:
Fee-fi-fo-fum. I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am [Darkwing is squashed by a lamppost]... Stegmutt.

Stegmutt:
I though I was Stegmutt.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. [to Morgana - Stand back you might get some blood on you] I am the single career man all women want to date...

[after being "put out" by Stegmutt, crushed by a beanstalk, and knocked away a long distance]

[in pain]

Darkwing Duck:
This is the third most painful moment of my life.

Darkwing Duck:
[Pointing] Look a fuzzy wuzzy bunny!

Negaduck:
Where? [whips out a shotgun and shoots up the place]

Gosalyn Waddlemeyer-Mallard:
Dad, you're ok!

Darkwing Duck:
No, I'm dirt. I'm worse than dirt. I'm lower than low. I am not the terror that flaps in the night. I am the self-centered boob who hands over the city at the drop of a dime. I'm a gipnoid, a slug, a spud mothering jackanape.

[while the Justice Ducks are fighting the Fearsome Five, Stegmutt grabs Bushroot by the neck, then stops]

Stegmutt:
Gee, I've never fought a supervillain before. What do I do?

Darkwing Duck:
It's easy, Stegmutt!

[repeating Bushroot's earlier advice]

Darkwing Duck:
Let's pretend Mr. Bushroot is on fire!

Dr. Reginald Bushroot:
Uh-oh.

[Stegmutt slams him repeatedly to the ground]

Stegmutt:
[singing] Put out the bushroot, put out the bushroot...

[the intercom buzzes]

Darkwing Duck:
[old lady voice] Flowers for Negaduck!

Negaduck:
I hate flowers.

Darkwing Duck:
Did I say "flowers"? I meant, uh, I meant, uh... skulls! Skulls for Negaduck!

Negaduck:
[licks his lips] I'll be right there!

Darkwing Duck:
Half the force thinks I'm a crook, the other half hates my hat!

Darkwing Duck:
[very depressed] How could I be so caught up in my own image, so stupid as to let Negaduck trick me?

Launchpad:
Ah, you were just being yourself, DW. Any idiot would have done the same thing.

Darkwing Duck:
[sarcastically] Thanks, LP.

Negaduck:
[Atop a gigantic pile of money] Mine! Mine! All mine!

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night!

Negaduck:
Ah, I knew it couldn't last forever.

Darkwing Duck:
Half the force thinks I'm a crook,the other half hates my hat!

Darkwing Duck:
I didn't get into this because of the glory. I did it because I can make a difference!

Negaduck:
[atop a gigantic pile of money] Mine! Mine! All mine!

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night!

Negaduck:
Ah, I knew it couldn't last forever.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the muddy shoes that track on the linoleum of crime!

Negaduck:
No!

Darkwing Duck:
Yes! I am Darkwing Duck!

Darkwing Duck:
[under the influence of a love potion] What's a matter Negsy old pal? Is there something else I can do for you?

Negaduck:
Yeah! Go jump off a cliff!

Darkwing Duck:
Yo! Anything for you Negmiester! [jumps off a cliff] Dyranamo!

Negaduck:
And to think, all this time, all I had to do was ask.

Negaduck:
[to Drake after Darkwing was hit by tronsplitter] Give me back my face! You're getting it ugly!

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the moth that seeks your porch light...

[first lines]

Boy Scout:
...and then Big Webfoot spotted the light of a distant campfire. The hairy, hulking beast crept through the forest until he came to the clearing and...

Darkwing Duck:
[as young Darkwing] I am the toddler that naps in the night... I am Darwaaaa [swings in on a rope]

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the cloud that rains on your Hit Parade...

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night... YIPES! [gets hit with poison darts]

Launchpad:
Aw gee, I hate it when you and Gosalyn are fighting.

Drake Mallard:
Well so do I, but was I wrong to stop her? Facing a criminal like Negaduck isn't the typical after school job!

Launchpad:
Well, my dad told me: there comes a time when a parent has to start letting go. Because if you hold on too tight, the child could smother, and the little tyke has to start looking out for himself. Because although it really hurts, the biggest thrill is seeing it fly all by itself.

Drake Mallard:
Your dad said all that?

Launchpad:
Yep! Right before he threw me out and told me to get a job.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the hero that every culture in every world needs. I am Darkwing Duck!

tour guide:
[first lines]

tour guide:
Popular in the late 20th Century, Darkwing Duck was the last and most unique of all mythological heroes. According to legend he was a figure of great mystery, his true origin never revealed.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the check writer in the cash only line. I am... obviously all out of my trade mark blue smoke.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the butter that burns in your pan...

DW Show Creator:
I created you!

Darkwing Duck:
Oh, that's certainly going to surprise the heck out of Mom and Dad!

Megavolt:
They called me crazy! They called me insane! They called me looney! And, boy, were they right.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the blown fuse that blacks you out. I am Darkwing Duck.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night.

Megavolt:
Oh no, not him again.

Darkwing Duck:
I am Darkwing - super powered superhero - Duck.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the little mouse that eats your cheese...

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror who flaps in the night. I am the spider who nips at your neck...

[interstellar cop Big Nasty is interrogating Launchpad and Darkwing about Gosalyn's "pet" alien, Wacko]

Darkwing Duck:
Because you can't catch a stupid pet?

Officer Big Nasty:
PET? [shaking Darkwing violently] You idiot, Wacko's an escaped criminal in possession of the most dagnerous explosives IN THE UNIVERSE!

Darkwing Duck:
[wobbly] Oh, is that all?

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the squashed bug on your flying saucer windshield. [gets hit by a rocket] I am... blown away by the alien menace.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the bubblegum that clings to your shoe.

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the wrong number that wakes you at 3AM.

Darkwing Duck:
Any super secret crime fighter worth his salt is never far away from a broom closet.

[repeated line]

Marco Polo:
I claim this India in the name of Spain!

Darkwing Duck:
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the metal key on the sardine can of justice...

Situation:
A small flying saucer lands and Launchpad approches.

Darkwing Duck:
"Launchpad!! Don't touch that!! You don't know where it's been!!"