Days of Our Lives

[opening narration]

Dr. Thomas "Tom" Horton Sr.:
Like sands through the hourglass... so are the Days of Our Lives.

Vivian Alamain:
I'm soon going to be Mrs. Forty-Nine Percent of Titan!

[Sami Brady is dressed as Marilyn Monroe]

Lucas Roberts:
There she is, the star of "How to Blackmail a Millionaire" and "The Seven-Year B*tch".

[to Kate Roberts in University Hospital]

Nancy Wesley:
I guess even whores get demoted.

Tony Dimera:
I would invite you back but I'm afraid you'll say yes.

Celeste:
What's your name?

Scottie:
Scottie.

Celeste:
Who are you?

Scottie:
I don't know.

Celeste:
So, you have amnesia?

Scottie:
Maybe... what's amnesia?

Celeste:
Loss of memory.

Scottie:
I don't remember, but I'm pretty sure I do.

Celeste:
Is there anything that you remember?

Scottie:
My name... Scottie.

Celeste:
What about your last name?

Scottie:
Yeah... No... Where am I?

Mimi:
Wait, I live here! You get out! Go!

Bonnie Lockhart:
I am not going anywhere until you get some sense. First of all, you are too young to get married.

Mimi:
Oh, so it's okay for you, but not for me.

Bonnie Lockhart:
No, it wasn't okay for me. That's what I'm trying to tell you, if you'd just listen!

Mimi:
Oh, here we go. Poor bonnie got stuck having to feed three little brats!

Bonnie Lockhart:
It was hard work! Don't you let anyone tell you that it's easy, missy, raising kids. It's the hardest work you'll ever do. But I have no regrets in having you, Mimi. You are my pride and joy. You are nothing like me, and you are nothing like your rat-fink father, either! Don't you think I know how ashamed you were of me? Don't you think I know that you just wanted me to disappear? But as crummy as I looked, I always made sure that my little girl had some new clothes to wear for the start of school every September - a new pair of shoes or a brand-new sweater.

Mimi:
Want to know what I remember? All the times you forgot to come for me at all. And I'd have to call belle's dad to come pick me up, or I'd just have to walk home by myself.

Bonnie Lockhart:
And do you know where I was when I was forgetting all about you? Huh? I'll tell you where I was. I was hustling, working my butt off juggling two jobs because Mr. Wonderful that I married couldn't even hold down one. Does your sexy rexy have a job?

Mimi:
Rex is brilliant. He could do anything.

Bonnie Lockhart:
Yeah, just what I thought. No job. Some mutant alien who arrives in Salem in a space pod. No, no, no. Mr. Rex dimera Brady whatever the hell his name is, he is not who I have been dreaming of for my little girl all my life!

Mimi:
Nice, mom. You're all about the money. You didn't give a damn about the "space pod" when you thought rex was a rich dimera. No, then you were hiding our condoms so I'd get pregnant so he'd have to marry me.

Bonnie Lockhart:
I've always been resourceful, that's true. You can't wait around for life to come and get you. You've got to go out and grab it. But all rex thinks about is a new way to get you into bed!

Mimi:
Could you give him a break? He just lost his sister, and Tony, the man he thought was his dad.

Bonnie Lockhart:
Please! Give him a box of tissues and the want ads, for crying out loud!

Mimi:
Oh, my god! That is so cruel! His family was brutally murdered, mom!

Bonnie Lockhart:
That's another thing. You spend way too much time with a man whose family is targeted. It's bad luck!

Mimi:
The worst luck I ever had was being born a Lockhart.

Julie Williams:
Wait. Should we call the police?

Bo Brady:
I am the police. I got to check this out.

Doug Williams:
[talking to Hope] Yeah. The old days, you were a teenager, and you were chasing after a bad boy named Bo Brady.

Bo Brady:
And I was smart not to let you catch me.

Sami Brady:
You are insane.

EJ Wells:
No, my dear. I'm a DiMera.

[opening sequence:
Salem police officer guarding Steve in hospital, doing crossword puzzle]

Policeman:
What's a five-letter word for "enigma?"

Steven 'Patch' Johnson:
What do I look like, Webster's Unabridged?

Bo Brady:
[walking in] Try "Steve."

Nicole:
[to Sami] You always lose, but you never accept it.

Lois Banks:
[to Marlena, crying] How many men do you need?

Billie Reed #3:
[to Kate] For once in your life, just be quiet, and mind your own damn business.

[At Chez Rouge]

Jada:
So THAT's Sami Brady, the scandal-a-minute chick.

Lexie Carver:
You know, Sami, if I didn't hate you so much, I'd genuinely feel sorry for you.

Sami:
Haven't we taught you anything, there are crazies out there!

Will Roberts #3:
I didn't have to leave Salem to know that.

EJ Wells:
Well, you know the Salem Police Department - they never get anything right.

Sami:
If I wasn't so mad at you, I'd have sex on the bar with you.

[EJ gives look slightly towards camera, as if he was speechless]

Bo Brady:
Tell Marlena I love her.

John Black:
Sorry Bo, she's taken.

[Sami is venting to a bathroom attendant to feel better]

Sami:
I rarely ever have someone to talk to, you know, I'm just - talkin' to myself.

[after disguising herself and stealing a document from Carrie's office in L.A]

Nicole:
Oh, Nicole - that chick on Alias has got nothing on you.

Victor:
[to Kate] You know, for some one who loves their children so much, you certainly seem to do them a terrible disservice.

[Shawn tells Mimi that he wants to have all kinds of babies with her]

Bonnie Lockhart:
Oh, Shawn, that's the most romantic thing I've ever heard a man say - in front of me.

Nicole:
[Brady has just finished telling Nicole he is going to search for Philip] Who do you think you are, G.I. Joe?

Jan:
That's it, Mimi. I have had enough. I'm gonna tell Rex that you had an abortion.

Mimi:
No, you won't. Your threat is your power over me. You won't give that up.

Jan:
A threat can turn into a bomb and blow up your life, unless... unless you do what I say and keep Shawn away from Belle.

Mimi:
Okay, fine. Do whatever you want. I obviously can't stop you.

Sami Brady:
[ Thinking ] Mimi got rid of my little brother's baby? I wouldn't wanna be her when Rex finds out.

Jan:
Okay, watch as I go downstairs right now and tell Rex you killed his kid.

Mimi:
You don't know what a hard choice that was for me to make, Jan.

Jan:
Rex was the daddy. Why are you the only one that gets to choose?

Mimi:
I did it for him!

Jan:
And I'm sure he's gonna believe that. Ow!

Mimi:
Ow! Ow.

Sami Brady:
[ Thinking ] Ouch. Someone got b*tch-slapped. But who?

Mimi:
You're going to keep your mouth shut, Spears. If I find out that you told Rex, you'll get way more than a slap on the face.

Sami Brady:
Whoa.

Mimi:
What are you doing here? Don't you have some rock you can climb under?

Sami Brady:
That's not a very nice thing to say, Mimi.

Mimi:
I don't have any reason to be nice to you. All this fighting tonight is your fault. You're the reason that Rex got mad at me, and you're the reason that Philip found out about Belle and Shawn being up on the roof together.

Sami Brady:
Actually, you have no one to blame but yourself. If you hadn't gotten caught in all your lies, none of this would have happened.

Mimi:
Oh, funny, you accusing me of lying when you're Salem's all-time champ.

Sami Brady:
Look, Meems, listen up, if I were in your shaky shoes, I'd be a lot nicer to me - a lot nicer. In fact, I'd also be looking over my shoulder, too. Be very, very careful how you treat me, Mimi.

John:
That's a fact.

[Roman suggests that Sami and Will should not visit the penthouse until John has Brady under control]

Roman:
It'd not just this one incident; it is not just a couple of beers. You told me yourself Brady has been acting up.

John:
Yeah so because he's acting up, your going to tell Sami she can't see her mother? Will can't see his grandmother? It doesn't matter what the Hell they want? Is that what we are talking about?

Roman:
First of all, they can see each other some place else, all right? But the fact is Sami is my daughter.

John:
I mean God love her, she is a perfect kid, now isn't she?

Roman:
Boy, that's nice, that's nice, you say that about the girl you raised the one you tell me that you love like your own.

John:
What I am saying is that Eric and Sami were the perfect kids.

Roman:
[laughs] And you are saying that's because of you, right? J

John:
I'm saying that I didn't have any trouble with them.

Roman:
Well good for you John, now about my wife.

John:
Oh so this is what this is all about...

Brady:
Nancy? For a minute there, I - I thought I saw...

Nancy Wesley:
Chloe?

Brady:
Yeah.

Nancy Wesley:
I passed a girl earlier that reminded me of her very much, too.

Brady:
I admit, I've been feeling Chloe's presence here tonight. So I guess when I saw that girl, I thought I was having a Christmas miracle.

Nancy Wesley:
It's understandable. Miracles do happen at Christmas.

Brady:
Yeah, well, not for me. Chloe's gone. She's not coming back.

Chloe:
[ Thinking ] My darling Brady, you were so close to me tonight, I could almost feel your breath on my cheek. I felt like I could just reach out my hand and go back in time... to a moment when I was your whole world, and you were mine. I thought of revealing myself to you. I wanted to believe in the power of enduring love - that your feelings for me would be even stronger than before - that you would kiss my face and still see the beautiful girl you fell in love with. But I came to my senses. It's too much to ask... even from a man as wonderful as you. I can't let you know I'm alive until the doctors reconstruct my face exactly the way it was.

Chloe:
[ Aloud ] Then finally, Brady, we'll be reunited in our love.

Mimi:
[ Coughing ] oh, mom, I didn't race home from green mountain just to breathe your second-hand smoke.

Bonnie Lockhart:
I'm in big trouble, baby. I need all the help I can get.

Mimi:
Why? What is going on?

Bonnie Lockhart:
I told you on the phone. Patrick's back.

Mimi:
So? How is that life and death? Mom, why are you even freaking out? Look, rex and I left a beautiful lodge with hot tubs and views that would knock your eyes out just so I could answer your S.O.S. What gives?

Bonnie Lockhart:
Well, you know how your brother can be.

Mimi:
I know how he can be when you provoke him.

Bonnie Lockhart:
Mouthy. Both of you.

Mimi:
I am really afraid to ask. What kind of screwed-up situation have you got yourself into this time?

Bonnie Lockhart:
Aah! Aah! Aah!

Mimi:
I can't believe - I can't believe you did this to me!

Bonnie Lockhart:
No! Aah! Mimi, Mimi, I-it's not like you to be violent.

Mimi:
Rex asked for my hand in marriage, and you turned him down. What do you expect me to do, hug you?

Bonnie Lockhart:
I want - I want you to be happy more than anything.

Mimi:
Bull! You want me to be rich so you can be rich.

Bonnie Lockhart:
You can't be happily married if - if you don't know where your next meal's coming from, baby.

Mimi:
Excuse me? Excuse me? Bonnie Lockhart is giving marriage tips? You don't know the first thing about being married or being in love.

Bonnie Lockhart:
That's right, I don't. I drew the short straw when I married your good-for-nothing father, but I want better for you, baby.

Mimi:
Mom... I finally have a guy who loves me, he's good to me... and you're so jealous...

Bonnie Lockhart:
Jealous?

Mimi:
You could spit.

Bonnie Lockhart:
Jealous?

Mimi:
Yes. Yes. You try to make it sound like - like everything you do is for me and Patrick and Connor, but it's a big fat lie. You're out for number one, and if that means having to steal from your own kids, then oh, well!

Bonnie Lockhart:
I can't believe you think so badly of your own mother.

Mimi:
You're not my mother.

Bonnie Lockhart:
Yeah, you want to see the stretch marks? Huh?

Mimi:
No, I don't want to hear it! I don't want to hear it, not - not the 20... hours of labour, not the 30 pounds you gained. I'm through. I'm through letting you guilt me. I never - I never want to see you again. Leave me alone.

Mimi:
I shouldn't have said what I said.

Bonnie Lockhart:
[ Blows nose ] Is that an apology, baby?

Mimi:
Don't push it.

Bonnie Lockhart:
[ Blows nose ] Gosh, when I - when the waterworks get going, it's kind of hard to make them stop. Oh, baby, we shouldn't fight. We should be the best of friends.

Mimi:
I have a best friend - belle.

Bonnie Lockhart:
[ Scoffs ] Belle. What kind of best friend steals your guy right out from under your nose?

Mimi:
What are you talking about? I'm in love with rex.

Bonnie Lockhart:
You just think you're in love with him. It wasn't so long ago you were hot for that Kevin.

Mimi:
Oh, that thing with Kevin was very... casual. The only reason I ever liked him was 'cause he was the first boy to pay attention to me.

Bonnie Lockhart:
That's not how I remember it. Trip to Paris ring a bell? You got your first kiss from Shawn Brady on that trip.

Mimi:
Oh, mom!

Jan:
[to nicole, after killing victor] We killed someone! So now we're gonna go to hell!

Colin:
Hello, Nicole.

Nicole:
Buzz off!

[Nicole has just finished telling Lucas that Eric is stalking her]

Lucas:
Oh wait, you know what I should do? I want to give you a number, the guy's a private security investigator at Titan. I want you to call him [Gretta approaches] if Eric continues to stalk you in anyway.

Gretta:
Is that what you told him Nicole - that Eric is stalking you? My God how could you lie that way after you came to my house and got down on your knees and begged me to help save your marriage to Lucas. What the Hell is really going on here?

Kristen:
Where'd he go?

Vivian:
This is no time to speculate. Accept your fate, finish packing, get the hell out of Sale...

Kristen:
Oh, wait a second! Wait! If John's not here, it means he won't be here when Marlena arrives!

Vivian:
Kristen, you are buying seconds, nothing more. Come with me now before it gets worse!

Kristen:
Worse? What could possibly be worse than this? What could possibly happen?

Abigail "Abby" Deveraux:
All I want is for my Mommy and Daddy to be together.

Sami Brady:
[to Kate] I have a friend who is keeping an eye on Victor and Nicole for me.

Kate Roberts:
You have a friend?

Nancy Wesley:
[to Craig after he has just had it out with Lexie] I'm glad you told that Lexie almost-ex-Carver off. She needs it once a day.

[Kate gives Nicole flowers after she just heard the news that Nicole cannot have children]

Kate Roberts:
If you put some fresh water in here, plant food, they should last, oh, three or four days - about as long as your relationship with Victor.

Philip Kiriakis:
[to Belle] For as long as I've known you, you've had this old soul thing going, all wise and good, taking care of other at the expense of yourself...

Belle Black:
Philip, you're making me sound like Yoda.

[Chloe and Brady talk about the uncertainty of life]

Brady:
I could get hit by a bus on my way to work.

Chloe:
If you ever went to work.

[At the Halloween paryt inside the Hartley House, Cynthia approaches Shawn, who is dresses as Danny Zuko from Grease]

Cynthia:
So, Jimmy Dean, if that's who you're supposed to be...

Rex:
Purveyor of breakfast products?

Mimi:
Rebel without a cause.

Lucas Roberts:
[to Nicole] I'm really sorry about the wedding. I know you were looking forward to saying, "I do" to Victor's fortune.

Sami Brady:
[to Lexie] I just want to make it clear that Brandon is no longer available to be your knight in shining armor. If you're having problems figuring out your life, watch Dr. Phil.

[Kate seeks refuge on the hospital terrace after fighting with Nicole and runs in to Jack]

Kate:
God, that woman makes me want to scream!

Jack:
[putting his hands over his ears] Go!

[Hope, who has just returned home, asks about Shawn]

Hope Brady:
I haven't even met his roommate. What kind of name is Dozer anyway?

Bo Brady:
Dozer isn't his roommate anymore. It's Rex?

Hope Brady:
What kind of name is Rex? [Recognition dawns on her] Wait, is that the Rex who is a genetically engineered human who was formerly an alien living in our garage?

Bo Brady:
Yep.

Hope Brady:
[sighing] Boy, I have a lot of catching up to do.

Belle Black:
Sometimes guys don't think before they open their mouths and end up saying something stupid, which is why our brains have to work overtime.

Belle Black:
Do you believe everything a beautiful girl tells you?

Shawn Brady:
Well, I believe everything you tell me.

Belle Black:
Good answer!

Belle Black:
Why all of a sudden do I feel like the fourth member of Destiny's Child?

[after having a fight with her friends]

Mimi:
I'm not interested in crashing anybody's first date. I'm not going to hold the ring box while you propose to Belle. I'm not going to be in the delivery room when she has your first kid. This threesome, it's officially splitsville.

Shawn Brady:
Whoa, whoa! Ring box and delivery room? Are you nuts?

Mimi:
Women know the future, okay. Guys don't know diddly.

Nicole:
[to Kate and Sami] Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble - Salem witches in a huddle.

Belle Black:
I see us as the Bo and Hope, or John and Marlena of the new generation.

Jack Deveraux:
Oh, that would only leave more food for you, wouldn't it? Not that you need it!

Eve Donovan:
What's that supposed to mean?

Jack Deveraux:
Well, you've been hitting the old feed bag a lot lately, haven't you?

Eve Donovan:
Are you calling me FAT? You WIMP STRING BEAN! Do you hear that? Not only am I a thief, but I'm a FAT THIEF!

Jack Deveraux:
I'll just be on my way. There are widows to fleece, mortgages to foreclose on, and heroines to tie to the track. Busy, busy, busy.

Mickey Horton:
What KIND of gun was it?

Jack Deveraux:
It's the kind that you pull the trigger and it shoots.

Jack Deveraux:
Well thank you for dropping by Emilio! We always appreciate anything, anytime. Any kind of criticism from our remedial reading public!

Victor:
[ To Nicole after Brady rejects her for Chloe] You know Nicole, at the end of the opera the rejected lover hangs herself. You'll let me know if you need any rope.

[John explains to Marlena that they are too connected to the serial-killer suspects]

John:
Doc, listen. Sami is your daughter. Rex is your son. My son is living in Nicole and Victor's house. Kate is my employee. Lucas is Will's father. Tony is my half-brother and they're all suspects.

Hattie:
Dr. Stiner will you help me? I'm putting myself in your hands.

Rolf:
Hattie, there is too much of you to fit in my hands.

[Jan, Mimi and the rat]

Jan:
Oh my God, what if it had rabies? What if I get rabies?

Mimi:
Uhhh... You're not foaming at the mouth.

Jan:
It could have had the headsa virus thing. People die from that!

Mimi:
You're not going to die!

[Mimi asks to move in with Jan because she is afraid to live with Chloe]

Jan:
My parents are freaks Mim's, they can hardly stand their own kids living with them!

[Shawn fooling around with Belle at Salem Place]

Shawn:
Oh no! This is bad! Maybe we could rush, you have a hair out of place. Maybe if we get to the salon in time, they can fit you in for a little touch up. This is really...

Belle:
You are impossible.

[Brady overhears Chloe's request to go to Juliard]

Chloe:
Nobody puts down my singing, I have a great voice and everyone thinks so!

Brady:
Yeah! Who thinks so? Mommy and Daddy is that who?

Craig:
There are a lot of things you don't know about Chloe.

Brady:
Yeah well, I know that when she sings she has zero emotion. Yeah, she can hit the notes fine, but her interpretation sucks!

Chloe:
YEAH! Well interpret this! [threatens to pour ice water on him]

[Chloe is talking to Craig in the hospital, Brady over hears them and they enter his room]

Brady:
Hey what no card, no flowers? What's the deal?

Chloe:
Oh, look who's here, what a lovely way to top off a perfect day!

Brady:
Okay that's it I WANT YOU OUTTA MY ROOM NOW!

Chloe:
You know I really feel sorry for you Brady. Not because you are in the hospital, but because you are so ignorant, not to mention arrogant and OBNOXIOUS. [to Craig] This why I want to get out of this town because of stupid jerks like him! [leaves the room]

Nancy:
Mimi, open this door.

Mimi:
I can't!

Nancy:
What's wrong?

Chloe:
Maybe she's stuck.

Nancy:
Mimi the door is locked from your side. Mimi, unlock it and open this door.

Mimi:
I would if I could.

Nancy:
Use your hands, they're not painted on.

Chloe:
You never know!

Mimi:
Oh my gosh. That wasn't, that wasn't shampoo, that was super glue! [blood curdling scream]

[after waiting for car assistance]

John:
It's about time.

Marlena:
John don't pick a fight with this man.

John:
I don't need you looking over my shoulder.

[Phillip is on his way to make up with Chloe]

Phillip:
Just hope this works.

Nicole:
Yeah, well, you know if it doesn't, you bring the guitar back and I will beat her over the head with it!

Phillip:
It is always good to have a last resort, right?

[Brady surprises Belle with hitting the couch with a baseball bat]

Belle:
Very funny Brady, remind me to laugh. Can you please practice outside I am trying to study.

Brady:
What was my bat doing in your room?

Belle:
Like you care. You haven't used it since little league.

Brady:
Yeah, well, it is still mine, not yours!

Brady:
Yeah, at least I don't go kissing up to people and thinking I am God's gift to this family and world. I don't pretend I'm perfect Belle. Going around bragging about Charity soft ball games and good grades.

Belle:
Yeah, well, at least I'm not a loser.

Brady:
Your a phony.

Belle:
Your a dooface.

Brady:
Airhead.

Belle:
Jerk.

Brady:
Sell-out!.

Belle:
FREAK!

[John and Marlena arguing over Brady, which leads to... ]

John:
...or where you can forget that maybe I made a child with another woman.

Marlena:
No - didn't forget that part.

Belle:
You can't deny it can you Shawn? You made a bet with Phillip about who was going to take Chloe to the Last Blast.

Shawn:
Wait a minute...

Mimi:
Don't try to lie your way out of it okay. We got our information from a very reliable source.

Shawn:
Who, Jan and Jason?

Mimi:
Never mind.

[Hattie at Tuscany's for the first time... encounters John]

John:
Quit starring at me lady or I'll have you picked up for harassment.

Craig:
What's going on?

Chloe:
Boys! They're stupid, insensitive and annoying!

Craig:
Congratulations! You're becoming perfectly normal.

Victor:
I've found out a lot about Dimera's parents.

Bo:
I've never thought of him as having parents. That makes him seen human.

[John bails Brady out of jail]

John:
You know, maybe what you need is a good old fashioned butt kicking.

Brady:
I don't know, sounds like child abuse to me. [pause] Officer this man is THREATENING me, I would like to file a complaint.

Gretta:
Nicole first of all you are the most immature coward and secondly if I believed I was ANYthing like you, in ANYway, I would slit my wrist.

Gretta:
Oh! I know Nicole, a lot more then I wish I did!

Chloe:
No thank you. I think I will join the carnivores at another time.

Phillip:
Let me take you out for a medium rare filet mignon at Tuskony's sometime. You've got to start with the best, Baby.

Shawn:
If you want the best BABY. Let me make you a steak on my dad's grill, corcoalled to perfection.

Phillip:
Yeah! If you like eating on a paper plate at a picnic table!

Shawn:
Hey! I've got a view of the water from my backyard!

Phillip:
Mine has a pool and a hot tub.

Mimi:
And my home is still a hole in the ground. When do you think it will be ready?

[Nancy on her (and Marlena's) fate]

Nancy:
Oh Marlena! I see such a big future for myself! Oh! Oh! Oh! and for you too of course!

Marlena:
Well, I am sooo glad you have so much faith in... Us.

[Nancy's first encounter with Hattie, who has called into the Dr. Marlena Show]

Nancy:
Look we don't take calls from ignorant, abusive people on this show.

Hattie:
And who are you calling ignorant?

Nancy:
Listening to Dr. Marlena might improve YOUR I.Q.

Hattie:
Now you hold it right there sister! You tell that shrink that the Dr. Marlena Show is D.O.A - Dead on Arrival - Dummy on Air - Discontinue or [pause] Alse!

[Nancy shares advice on the radio show]

Nancy's Note:
NEVER dress up like your daughter!

Marlena:
Uhhh... Nancy you are very helpful, but having you put up signs during a broadcast is VERY distracting!

[Nancy admiring Marlena after the first radio show]

Nancy:
I have been taking calls from some pretty pathetic people. And Marlena I admire your patience, some of those people, i would just tell them to get a life!

[Nancy on the job]

Nancy:
The Doctor Mar... I don't care what you are, you're on the air now!

Marlena:
This is Dr. Marlena, how are you?

Nancy:
Marlena, you are going to be BIGGER then Frasier Crane!

Shawn Sr:
Whatever you do, you don't go blabbing to the family over there. These are all innocent people. I don't want their lives put in danger because of some cockamamie scheme of yours.

Bo:
Hold on. I'm not going to put anybody's life in danger. Why do you say things like that?

[Nancy entering the radio station for the first time]

Nancy:
Good afternoon troops! Ugh! You're not going to wear that...

Marlena:
Nancy, it's radio, they won't see what we are wearing.

Nancy:
I realize that Marlena, but perhaps you should familiarize yourself with the aphorism "You are what you wear". We want cheerful, we want bright, that's my motto!

[Gretta talking to Austin about the Nicole and Eric situation]

Gretta:
You were the one who wanted me to sit down and talk. you wanted to make sure I was okay. Well to be honest with you, Austin, I was much better before I saw you!

Nancy:
[to Craig] You know, sweetheart, I have never really liked that rickety old Alice Horton, always dropping by the hospital to spread her sunshine. And those doughnuts she brings in that everyone raves about? I tell you, I have tasted better in the day old rack at the truck stop.

Lucas:
I love you.

Nicole:
Get over it.

[after Nancy and Craig's scheme to look good by inviting the Lockhart's to move in with them backfired, Nancy hissed]

Nancy:
You're the one who wanted to look like Lord Bountiful. Now those filthy people are going to be living in our house.

[Shawn, Belle and Phillip on Mimi's lot for the first time]

Shawn:
Well say something Phil. You like it, you hate it?

Phillip:
I don't know man, it's kinda gloomy.

Belle:
Oh no! Not you too! This is getting old.

Phillip:
I'm serious. It is a sunny hot day, so why's it so dark back here?

Shawn:
Seems to be the burning question, isn't it?

Belle:
Would you two stop, okay! It's shade! You know how trees create shade by blocking the sun by their many branches and leaves. Even you two nincompoops can grasp that subject!

Lucas:
If I live to be one hundred, I will never understand women.

[after Mimi witnesses a fight between Nancy and Chloe]

Mimi:
Your precious Chloe is very musical Mrs Wesley. Whatever tune she plays- you dance to it.

[during an argument, Shawn mocks Belle's trendy hairstyle, which involves two sticks on top of her head]

Shawn:
I guess your strange hairdo is affecting your brain.

Belle:
[defensively] These are cool.

Shawn:
I guess those chopsticks were in there in case you got hungry for some lo mien.

[after Marlena tells him he must have mixed up the faces he saw]

John:
You think I don't know the face of my own wife?

[Austin confronts Lucas about his alleged drinking problem]

Lucas:
I don't have a drinking problem... I have a Sami problem.

Sami Brady:
[opening the door wearing an ugly bathrobe, thinking it's Lucas] Lucas! I hope you don't mind what I'm wearing.

Kate Roberts:
What's that? The latest in sexy lingere... I'm sorry, I mean, you would look absolutely adorable even if you were wearing a paper bag, Sami. [trying to keep the peace with Sami for Lucas' sake]

Sami Brady:
I don't have time for this, you get your Botox butt and get out of... I mean, thank you, Kate for the sweet and sincere complement!

Kate Roberts:
Hmmm, well I was just dropping by to make sure Lucas wasn't... to see if Lucas was here.

Sami Brady:
No he's not, thank God!

Kate Roberts:
Oh Really?

Sami Brady:
Yeah, why don't you try his place. He's probably over there.

Kate Roberts:
Yeah, well as long as he's not with you... I mean thank you for your help, I hope you have a really lousy... lovely evening, Sami.

Sami Brady:
Well at least I don't have sex for money... oh I mean see ya next time, Kate honey.

[in Italy, Sami's choice of clothing limits her selection of beverages]

Franco:
Sami, you're making me nervous, I mean, with your pacing. Why don't you sit down and have a drink?

Sami:
Have a drink? Are you crazy? I can't have a drink while I'm in a nun's habit. Maybe I'll have a double espresso or something.

Franco:
Great, that should calm you down.

[Eric, Nicole, Austin and Carrie are having dinner together. Their dinner discussion turns to Sami and Franco]

Carrie:
Franco could have any woman he wants. What I don't get is why he wants Sami.

[Tek is accusing Marlena of being the serial killer and is pumping John for information]

Brady:
Can someone get a word in edgewise?

Hope:
Please do.

Brady:
Marlena was poisoned by the killer just like you almost were. I just thought I'd mention that since alibis don't seem to matter much around here.

Hope:
John, are you okay?

John:
No, I'm not okay. You've lost your father, Brady's lost his grandfather, I've lost friends... REALLY GOOD friends... I wish I could help you but I can't. I CAN'T name your killer.

Nicole:
Why does getting away with murder have to be so difficult?

John:
(to Brady) I don't know who the killer is, son. But when I do I swear to you, I will make sure she NEVER kills again.

Victor:
I won't let you tear my family apart!

Nicole:
I won't have to, your grandson's gonna do it for me.

Nicole:
Tell me, H, what is wrong with this picture?

Henderson:
Madam, where should I began?

[after Henderson disrespects her]

Nicole:
I will have respect!

Victor:
When hell freezes over.

[in Marlena's fantasy she shoots Shawn and Belle starts screaming]

Marlena:
Stop it, Belle, stop it! Stop WHINING! Ever since you were a baby your whining drove me CRAZY!

[on Nicole's "poor me" act]

Victor:
It didn't work for Anna Nicole and it won't work for Ditzy Nicole.

Mimi:
I don't know if you know this or not but you're standing right under the mistletoe.

Rex:
Does that mean something?

Mimi:
Yeah... this. (kisses him)

Rex:
I want you in my life.

Mimi:
Just try to get rid of me.

Marlena:
You're treating me like a common criminal.

John:
I don't mean to. You're not a common criminal, Doc, you're a cold blooded killer and I think it's time you confess.

Victor:
You devious little b*tch.

Nicole:
Drop dead! Oh, wait, you already did.

Nicole:
(to Victor's ghost) Don't you have an attic to haunt with your precious Caroline?

[Brady walks in during Nicole's conversation with Victor's ghost, whom he can't see]

Brady:
Nicole, who're you talking to?

Victor:
Go ahead and tell him, Nicole, he already thinks your nuts.

Victor:
Nicole, if you do anything to hurt ANYONE in my family I'll see you in hell!

Nicole:
Bring it on, old man.

John:
You're the love of my life, Marlena, but you're a killer.

Hope Brady:
Gran, I wonder if Shawn even knows about the wedding.

Alice Grayson Horton:
He saw my invitation, dear.

Hope Brady:
Did he say anything to you?

Alice Grayson Horton:
He was very hurt!

Doug Williams:
Why doesn't that bozo wize up and realize that Belle is the one he loves before it's too late?

Julie Williams:
Darling, please don't call your grandson a bozo!

Doug Williams:
What else do you call a man who allows the love of his life to marry another man?

Alice Grayson Horton:
[Jumping in] Doug Williams! [Pointing a finger at him matter-of-factly]

Doug Williams:
[Speechless at first] But I wised up eventually.

Hope Brady:
Oh Dad!

Julie Williams:
Oh, I think I'm gonna cry.

Alice Grayson Horton:
Well, that's what weddings are for, I suppose, to support the tissue industry.

Julie Williams:
No Grandma, not tears of joy... Belle is marrying the wrong guy, and everybody here knows it.

Alice Grayson Horton:
Maybe she won't marry Phillip after all.

Innkeeper:
Where have you been?

Bart Biederbicke:
Still looking for Deveraux... you seen any sign of him?

Innkeeper:
He seemed to have vanished... how, I don't know.

Bart Biederbicke:
All right, we got men posted at all the exits, all right, I hand-picked them myself, so you know they're plenty sharp.

Innkeeper:
Even if he escapes the inn, at this time in the mountains, he can't go through. He won't go too far.

Bart Biederbicke:
Good.

Jack:
[Sneaking to the window after they leave] [Quietly to himself, but directed at them] Don't be so sure. You obviously never saw the end of the Sound of Music. [as he jumps out the window]

[to Sami on the day of Doug's funeral]

Julie:
Sami, if you're trying to make me feel better, it's not working.

Julie:
That's why the best sex is after a huge fight.

Sami:
(blushes) Oh, I wouldn't know about that.

Lucas:
Oh, she knows. She won't admit it but she knows.

[Bo and Stefano, after John's disappearance]

Bo:
The woman in the water was Hope... the Hope that you turned into Gina.

Stefano:
Are you sure?

Bo:
[sarcastically] No, I just like hearing myself say that!

[they kiss passionately - Gina thinks of John while she kisses him, and for a moment believes he is]

Bo Brady:
I know Hope... intimately. And the way you just kissed me. Don't get me wrong, on a scale of 1-10 it was... right up there... but it definitely wasn't Hope.

Hope/Gina:
I really think there's something wrong with you, Bo.

Bo Brady:
With me.

Hope/Gina:
Yes, you, Bo "Everything Better Stay the Same or Else" Brady.

Sami:
Brandon loves me!

Lucas:
He's in love with your cleavage.

Abe Carver:
Don't blame someone else for setting the trap that you were stupid enough to walk into.

[to Hope]

Hattie:
Go eat a burrito!

[to Hope and Bo about the overlooked note at the cemetery which Alice found]

Marlena:
Stellar police work as usual.

[Nicole has just introduced Crystal to Brady]

Nicole:
This is Marlena's stepson.

Crystal Chablis:
He's Marlena's stepson and your step-grandson? What, is everyone related in this town?

Hattie:
[to Lexie] And you! I bet you've never met a cheeseburger! Shame on you!

Hattie:
[to herself] Oh, I bet these are the last of the Horton Donuts! I bet these could make me a killing on eBay! [she runs out of the room with them]

[dressed as Indiana Jones]

Jack:
Snakes... I hate snakes.

Jack:
A boy? We're having a boy?

Jennifer Rose Horton Deveraux:
Or a girl.

Jack:
A girl? Well, a girl is good too. We did well with a girl the first time.

Nicole:
[after Chloe's memorial service] Brady, It's been a hard day, we should go.

Phillip:
[Overhearing] We? [pause] Chloe's not even buried yet and already you...

Brady:
Phillip please, please don't start this! Nicole just cares about me.

Sami Brady:
From the waist down!

Brady:
Sami, shut up!

Alice Grayson Horton:
[to Marlena, asking about Jennifer, who is sleeping on the couch] How is she? Is my granddaughter going to be all right?

Marlena:
Well I hope so. What I said to Maggie is that she needs a big dose of good news about now.

Hope Brady:
[Walking in the door with Bo and Jack] Maybe we can help!

Maggie Horton:
[everyone gasps] Oh my gosh!

Jack:
Jennifer

Jack:
[Jennifer slowly opens her eyes] Jennifer

Jennifer Rose Horton Deveraux:
Jack?

Jack:
Jennifer!

Jennifer Rose Horton Deveraux:
[crying] Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! It is you! You came back to me! You're alive!

Jack:
Yeah, sorry I'm a little late, but I made it [Bo helps him to the couch] with a little help from my friends [He sits on the couch and embraces Jennifer]

Jennifer Rose Horton Deveraux:
Oh! Oh! Oh! I can't believe they found you!

Jack:
I can't believe you made it yourself!

Jennifer Rose Horton Deveraux:
Oh, it feels so good to hold you Jack! I thought I lost you forever.

Jack:
I thought I lost you. [they kiss]

Jack:
[looking down at Jennifer's belly] Wait a minute, where's the baby? where's the baby? where's the baby? what happened to the baby?

Jennifer Rose Horton Deveraux:
Listen to me, the baby, he is... he is fine. He's perfect.

Jack:
He's fine? Good. He's fine? [suddenly realizing the baby is a boy] He's a he. He's a he. We had a he! We had a he! [everyone laughing]

Jennifer Rose Horton Deveraux:
We had a he!

Jack:
We had a he! Where is he? I wanna see my boy! We had a he! I had a he!

Jennifer Rose Horton Deveraux:
It's time you meet him Jack!

Maggie Horton:
[bringing the baby to them] He's anxious to meet his daddy.

Jennifer Rose Horton Deveraux:
Oh Jack!

Jack:
Oh there he is! [taking him into his arms] Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!

Jack:
[pause... baby crying] He looks just like... WE! [everyone laughing]

Jack:
[they kiss] Oh, baby!

Rex:
Mimi, I just got done talking to Shawn.

Mimi:
And I just talked to Belle. But I don't care what they say, I still believe that they belong together.

Rex:
You know what? You are going off the deep end here... you are going to have to let this go, okay, Belle is committed to marrying Phillip. And Shawn has told me he's ready to move on with his life so there's nothing else you can do.

Mimi:
Don't be so sure.

Rex:
Mimi, what are you talking about?

Mimi:
What if I said that I could prove to those two that their whole breakup was totally manipulated... that Shawn was brainwashed into thinking he had lost Belle to his best friend.

Rex:
Then I'd say you've been watching too much Daytime TV. Stuff like that only happens on... what, what's that show called? What is it, Passions? This is real life Meems, not some soap opera. And you're going to have to accept the reality that some relationships don't work out.

Mimi:
I wish everybody would stop saying that. I don't have to accept anything. Shawn and Belle are my best friends and I'm going to prove to them that their love is written in the stars... that they're meant to be together... Just like us. I love you so much Rex, and I'm going to show you and everyone else that it's all going to work out... you'll see.

Tony Dimera:
[to the escaping hostages on Melaswen] You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.

Larry Welch:
The Phoenix won't rise again, but thanks to Stefano Dimera, I will.

Victor:
Linda Browning, meet Nicole Kiriakis.

Linda Browning:
Thank you Victor. Nicole, I'm delighted. You have a beautiful home. and I can't wait to meet your grandson, after all you've told me about him.

Victor:
You won't have to wait long. Brady's on his way. I know you will be the perfect match.

Bo Brady:
Hold on. Just out of curiosity, have you logged any flight time in a jalopy like this?

John Black:
It's been a couple years. Of course, the last time I flew, it didn't have as many doohickeys and gadgets, but that's a minor detail.

Bo Brady:
Doohickeys and - I'm glad to see you're well-versed in the technical terms. I'm full of confidence. Not.

Belle:
[screaming at Phillip] If anything happens to our daughter, we are through!

Max Brady #4:
[talking to Frankie who just broke leg] Oh, you think you're so tough now. If you haven't noticed, you broke your right leg. You can't even drive a car. [Frankie looks down and has a weird look on his face]

[scene of crash that killed Zack is investigated]

Policeman:
Oh yeah - got a real life "Law And Order" investigation goin' on here. Dennis Farina's got nothin' on me.

[talking about baby Claire's ailment]

Bonnie Lockhart:
Babies can really surprise you. Your father dropped you on your head at least three or four times.

Mimi:
That explains a lot.

[Frankie finds a package when looking through his bag]

Frankie Brady:
To Frankie, from Jack.

[opens it]

Frankie Brady:
DVD, play me.

[goes to TV, puts DVD in player, clicks remote]

[Jack speaks]

Jack:
Frankie, if you're watching this, it means I'm already dead - never thought I would get a chance to say that, dead man talking...

Belle:
[to Shawn] This says Philip isn't Claire's father. You are.

Philip Kiriakis:
Thanks for letting us fly with you, John.

John Black:
Don't thank me. It wasn't my idea.

Shawn-Douglas Brady:
You know what? For the first time in my life, I'm glad that my dad is biologically a Kiriakis.

Belle Black Kiriakis:
Why would you say that?

Shawn-Douglas Brady:
Because, otherwise, we would be related. Your grandmother is a Brady, remember?

Belle Black Kiriakis:
Oh, my god. I never even thought about that. Actually, that makes me more of a Brady than you.

Celeste Perrault:
Samantha, Kate's one mission in life is to discredit you.

EJ Wells:
[to Kate, about Sami] Let's face it, you may be the greatest meddler in the world, but she is the greatest liar.

Victor Kiriakis:
[to Bo and Hope] What were you two *thinking?* Next time you go up against the mob, let me help, alright?

Celeste Perrault:
[to EJ] If It wasn't for Alexandra, not only would I have lit the fire myself, but I would have roasted marshmallows over your flaming corpse.

Kate Roberts:
[as Lucas confronts her with information given by Daniel] What do you care? What do you care if it's true? Look what they did to you.

Lucas Roberts:
Look what you did to me. You turned me into your damn lapdog and you ran my life by remote control. And you watched me marry a woman that was in love with somebody else!

Kate Roberts:
[crying] I wanted you to be happy!

Lucas Roberts:
Don't you tell me that, don't ever tell me that again! You know what, you don't do anything if it doesn't benefit you! You got Chloe and Daniel back because you wanted to. Everything you do is because of you, everything! [walks off]

[Lucas falls to floor in Maggie's kitchen, drunk from a bar run]

Will Horton:
I don't know if you guys have met. Tad, Chad - this is my dad.

Nathan Horton:
[after Melanie catches Maggie red handed lecturing Nathan about her] It's my first night back, I should get ready.

Maggie Horton:
Go, go... keep in mind what I said, OK?

Nathan Horton:
[looks back at both] Yeah. [finishes walking out]

Melanie Layton:
This is the box you wanted right?

Maggie Horton:
Yeah, that's it.

Melanie Layton:
Of course it had to be the one in the furthest corner of your basement.

Maggie Horton:
Oh dear. Sorry about that.

Melanie Layton:
No you're not. [Maggie's uncomfortable smile quickly drops to a frown] You were trying to get me out of the kitchen so you could talk about me behind my back, right?

Maggie Horton:
Melanie...

Melanie Layton:
I mean that's what you were doing, isn't it?

Maggie Horton:
Yes.

Lucas Roberts:
You know what, Nicole, you really do have it all, don't you? A beautiful baby, a rich fiance, and a bitchy attitude.

Stephanie Johnson:
I know what's it like to be with someone whose family doesn't share the same values.

Nicole Kiriakis:
Well, my family didn't have any values so there's no problem there!

Hope Brady:
Lucas seemed completely clueless.

Bo Brady:
And has been for quite some time. You questioned him about going to Daniel's apartment, right?

Hope Brady:
I did, I did, he and Chloe went together, found a woman's scarf on the floor.

Bo Brady:
Chloe's?

Hope Brady:
Probably. He didn't recognize it, told me he thought that Daniel was seeing someone trying to keep it from Kate.

Bo Brady:
He *was* seeing someone and he wouldn't be in jail right now if he HAD kept it from Kate.

Hope Brady:
You think she did it?

Bo Brady:
Yeah, I know, I know, "don't... jump to conclusions," but it pans out a hell of a lot better than the doc doin' it

Hope Brady:
You booked him, right?

Bo Brady:
Yeah, orders from on high. You mind going down and overseeing the booking?

Hope Brady:
Sure, no problem. Does he have counsel?

Bo Brady:
Victor sent down his criminal lawyer.

Hope Brady:
Victor's criminal lawyer? HE should have lots of experience.

Bo Brady:
Yeah...

Hope Brady:
[opens door to leave with Victor there to walk in] Ah! Speaking of the devil...

Victor Kiriakis:
Hope.

Hope Brady:
Hello. You've had a pretty busy night, haven't you?

Chloe:
[after Daniel leaves room, leaving her to break uncomfortable silence] Look I know you're not happy about this.

Victor Kiriakis:
Oh, how astute of you.

Chloe:
Hmph. Look, you know that Daniel and I are getting married so why would you object to us living together?

Victor Kiriakis:
I don't object per se. I just didn't react well. You see, To put it simply, I said I would keep an open mind, I think that's how I put it. It doesn't stop my gut feeling.

Chloe:
That you don't trust me, you mean?

Victor Kiriakis:
You're fickle, insubstantial, disloyal by nature. You eat men up and spit them out.

Chloe:
Wow, tell me what you really think.

Victor Kiriakis:
However...

Chloe:
Oh, well, at least there's a "however."

Kayla Brady Johnson:
[answers cell phone] Hello, Roman. I am here with Ava Vitali, and I suggest you get over here as soon as you can before I kill *this* b*tch.

Steven Earl 'Patch' Johnson:
[From inside the quarantine room, through the glass] Hey doc, what's the word?

Dr. Myers:
We got your latest blood tests back. You're completely clear of the biotoxin.

Steven Earl 'Patch' Johnson:
What's that mean?

Dr. Myers:
It means you no longer have to be quarantined. You're free to go, Mr. Johnson.

Steven Earl 'Patch' Johnson:
Are you saying you want me to check outta here?

Dr. Myers:
The sooner the better.

Steven Earl 'Patch' Johnson:
No can do.

Dr. Myers:
But you're cured.

Steven Earl 'Patch' Johnson:
But Kayla isn't. I can't leave her in here alone, she needs me.

Dr. Myers:
We have no idea when or IF that new antidote's going to arrive.

Steven Earl 'Patch' Johnson:
I'm goin' nowhere.

Dr. Myers:
Your daughter is. She's being released tonight. She's going to need you.

Steven Earl 'Patch' Johnson:
Yeah, well, Kayla's brother and his wife are gonna take care of her.

Dr. Myers:
Mr. Johnson, I don't think you understand.

Steven Earl 'Patch' Johnson:
No dude, you don't understand. If I leave, Kayla could DIE!

Dr. Myers:
If you STAY, YOU could die!!!

Steven Earl 'Patch' Johnson:
You just said I was cured!

Dr. Myers:
You're free of the biotoxin, yes, but if you stay in there, you could get re-infected.

Steven Earl 'Patch' Johnson:
So you'll give me another shot of the antidote.

Dr. Myers:
[Losing patience] Your immune system's compromised! If you're exposed again, your body may not be able to fight it ... no matter WHAT we do!

Stephanie Johnson:
He doesn't really love her, but it was still a terrible thing to do. God, Melanie is such a disgusting person. She's been after Philip for months. And then she just takes Nick's research and uses it like a weapon.

Chelsea Brady:
The kitchen table?

Stephanie Johnson:
You know what? I am not just sad about Philip. I'm angry. I'm mad, and I'm not gonna be stupid, sweet Stephanie anymore. I'm gonna do something about it.

Chelsea Brady:
[after Stephanie has left] [confused] The table?

Tony:
How would you like some nasty blokes messing around with your mother's remains?

Bart:
Well, I wouldnt, she's still alive.

Tony:
Oh.

Roman:
Sami's an adult.

Kate:
Could've fooled me.

Roman:
What do you want me to do, you want me to put her over my lap, give her a spanky?

Jennifer:
Hey Brandon! How are you?

Brandon:
I'm doing fine, thanks, how are you?

Jennifer:
I'm great, thank you.

Jack:
[to Brandon] I'm good myself, not that you asked.