Death Valley Days

[discussing a harp Mary Ann's sister abandoned along the trail]

Mary Ann Duncan:
I suppose you have been strumming on this like it was a banjo.

Andy Carter:
I've plunked it a few times, yes.

Mary Ann Duncan:
With those hands...

[balling his fists]

Andy Carter:
You're tempting me to use them where they'd do more good.

Rev. Hughes:
You don't really want that harp, do you?

Andy Carter:
[chuckling] The question is, how badly does she want it?

Asa Bennett:
That canyon was like an oven!

Charlie Alford:
Ain't much water up ahead. No tellin' when.

Asa Bennett:
I know where there's a stream not ten miles from here. Have one on me. Now you find the silver and I'll find the water, all right?

Josh Bean:
Well, for a young fellow who will work and stay out of trouble, there are plenty of opportunities here - good businesses to go into.

Roy Bean:
Well, there's a business I'd like to go into.

[points to a saloon]

Roy Bean:
A saloon always makes money. When people are happy, they drink to celebrate and when they're unhappy, they drink to forget.

[discussing Collins]

Josh Bean:
Roy, listen to me. He's been courting Gloria Chavez and he's the toughest man in town.

Josh Bean:
Well, now she's being courted by the two toughest men in town.

Roy Bean:
Women always were nothing but trouble for you, aren't they? Look, I don't want...

Josh Bean:
Josh, you know I don't run away from trouble.

Roy Bean:
Oh no, you can't run away from it - because you carry it around with you!

Collins:
Two bits worth of whiskey. He's buyin'.

Roy Bean:
Unh-uh. Not me.

Collins:
You owe me two bits and I aim to collect.

Roy Bean:
You keep pushin' and you're going to collect two bits worth of lead.

[last lines]

[Collins c*cks his pistol after catching Roy breaking out of jail]

Collins:
This is the last we're going to see of you. Now get on that horse and get out of town and don't you ever come back!

Roy Bean:
You mean you're not going to turn me in or nothin'?

Collins:
No, I just want to get you far away from Gloria.

Roy Bean:
Aw, you could have saved yourself a lot of trouble. They were going to put me away for ten years for pluggin' you.

Collins:
Well, it was a fair fight. You got in a lucky shot, but you beat me. Ain't no justice in your going to jail for it, law or no law. Besides, with your luck, they'da let you go and you'd still be in my hair!

Roy Bean:
Collins, you and me, we got a real sense of justice.

Collins:
Aw now, git.

[Gustav meets his fianc?e from Sweden at the stagecoach depot]

Gustav Olaffson:
Ve go now. Ve must hurry, the preacher is waiting.

Britta Olaffson:
The preacher is waiting?

Gustav Olaffson:
Ja, sure - so we can be married.

Britta Olaffson:
But I just got here!

Gustav Olaffson:
It is why you are here - to marry me.

Britta Olaffson:
Gustav, it has been seven years! I thought we had time to get acquainted.

Gustav Olaffson:
It is a long way to the farm. It will be two weeks before I come back to town. We get married now. We get acquainted later.

[after seeing the lonely Dakota prairies, Britta wants to return to Sweden]

Gustav Olaffson:
I never should have brought her here. I thought she was different. I thought she was strong. I thought - I thought she would like it.

Mary Brown:
You had seven years to adjust to this country. You expected her to do it in two days?

Dan Brown:
A quarrel so soon, Gustav?

Gustav Olaffson:
Britta did not wish to stay.

Dan Brown:
Well, I can say as I blame her. Still it's a shame her comin' all the way out here and all. I guess there ain't nothin' you can do about it.

Gustav Olaffson:
Nooo.

Dan Brown:
They say sometimes if you tie 'em up for a few days, they change their mind.

Gustav Olaffson:
That is for a rancher. I don't want a wife I can only keep with a rope.

Mary Brown:
It's hard for him to say, but he loves you.

Britta Olaffson:
You wouldn't understand what it means to come to a new country and marry a man who is a stranger to you.

Mary Brown:
You mean Gustav never told you?

Britta Olaffson:
Tell me what?

Mary Brown:
Why child, I was a mail order bride. Dan sent for me sight unseen. I came because it was the only way I could get a man.

Mary Brown:
Back home, I was a regular wallflower. There wasn't a man who ever looked at me twice. I lived with my father until I was thirty. When he died, I was suddenly very alone. I read in the papers how scarce unmarried women were out here. The saying went that the farmers and ranchers would marry anything that got off the stage. Some of them even advertised for wives. After a few more lonely years, I began taking those notices seriously. Then one day, I picked up my pen and wrote an answer. That's how I met Dan. We never laid eyes on each other until the day we were married.

Britta Olaffson:
And you did not have any doubts?

Mary Brown:
Of course I did. When Dan sent me the railroad ticket I almost didn't come. I'd heard of other girls who turned in the tickets for money, but his letters had a loneliness to match mine.

Britta Olaffson:
You have been happy?

Mary Brown:
Oh, yes! When I stepped off the train, I felt so exposed, so unready... and there he was. The wonder of it was not that I loved him so easily, but he loved me.

[examining the Baldwins' rundown inheritance]

Fran Baldwin:
It isn't quite what we expected.

Hugo Stillwell:
I thought not. The only improvement is this shack your father built - if you can call it "an improvement'.

Fran Baldwin:
Improvement?

Hugo Stillwell:
Yes, the Homestead Law says improvements have to made if a claim is to be kept - and they must be made within a time period.

Fran Baldwin:
I see.

Hugo Stillwell:
Well, as you can observe, none have been made here. This place doesn't even have any water.

Fran Baldwin:
Is a well an improvement?

Jack Byrd:
Leland, we weren't meant to be batchelors, but with your cookin', we ain't gonna live long enough to be anything else.

Hugo Stillwell:
Old Man Baldwin's kin came to claim his property.

Jack Byrd:
So what?

Hugo Stillwell:
I want that place for myself, that's so what!

LeLand Byrd:
Now that don't sound quite legal, you bein' the executor of the estate and all.

Jack Byrd:
What are you plannin', cousin? You want that claim to expire you can take it over for free?

Hugo Stillwell:
Jack, I assure you this whole thing will be handled by the book - nice and legal.

Jack Byrd:
But they got the claim by the book - *nice and legal*.

[Bertrand has just delivered a photograph to Conchita]

Don Vascuela Ibanaz:
Who is it, Conchita?

Conchita Vascuela Ibanaz:
He is a photographer, Papa, with a picture of Peter. Is he not beautiful?

Don Vascuela Ibanaz:
He is *not* beautiful.

[Conchita glances at the quivering photographer]

Conchita Vascuela Ibanaz:
Oh, not him, Papa - Peter!

William Linn:
Pete, why'd you do it? You're the best foreman I ever had. You speak a couple of languages...

Count Peter Van Lornthing:
Five.

William Linn:
Yeah, and you're a whiz at figures and cattle and farming...

Count Peter Van Lornthing:
And architecture and wine making...

William Linn:
All right! Why'd you do it then?

Count Peter Van Lornthing:
It's my Conchita. I needed the money to marry her.

Count Peter Van Lornthing:
A Count Van Lornthing does not enter a bargain empty-handed.

William Linn:
Oh, I see. Without money, you're no bargain.

Count Peter Van Lornthing:
Oh, no. Conchita loves me - and I can make her father even more rich. He'll be able to sit under the grape arbor with his grandsons on his knees and grow richer... but I didn't want to come as a begger. It was a matter of principle.

William Linn:
Well, you were kind of careless about *principle* when it came to my money.

Count Peter Van Lornthing:
Well, I couldn't wait any longer. A rose left too long on a bush will go to seed.

[the count has been leaving a trail for the pursuing vaqueros]

William Linn:
Oh, I'm sure glad I got you here before your pants fell off. I was afraid you was gonna run our of buttons.

[Count Van Lornthing has agreed not to break out of Charley's jail until he gets paid for its construction]

Count Peter Van Lornthing:
What's wrong? You look like you lost your last friend.

Charley Converse:
Don't say that! Look, I don't know how to tell you this, Pete, but it's them vaqueros.

Count Peter Van Lornthing:
[chuckling] What about them?

Charley Converse:
Well, the commissioner just talked to 'em on the road about an hour ago. They're likely to be here any minute now, see.

Count Peter Van Lornthing:
Oh, don't worry, Charley. They won't do anything to you. I'll tell them that you're a friend of mine.

Charley Converse:
Yeah, well, it ain't me I'm worried about, Pete. The don sent them after you. They're gonna kill ya! You see, the commissioner sent 'em the wrong way so I could be ready. He don't want a murder in a brand new jail, you understand.

Count Peter Van Lornthing:
Charley, you're going to have to make a decision.

Charley Converse:
What do you mean?

Count Peter Van Lornthing:
Would you prefer people to say you're a sloppy builder or a sloppy jailer?

Charley Converse:
...If I get my druthers, I'd rather be a sloppy jailer.

[Conchita bites the Count's hand]

Count Peter Van Lornthing:
Don't do that again, my little cactus, or I'll take the sting out of you.

Jack Davis:
What else have they got against me?

James Hawley:
Your reputation - you're known as a gunman.

Jack Davis:
I never drew first in my life. They can't hang a man for havin' a reputation.

James Hawley:
They can try.

[Darniell removes his bandanna to reveal a clerical collar]

Joker Smith:
You, ah, you a preacher?

Ben Darniell:
Well, I'm supposed to be.

Joker Smith:
Supposed to be? Look, either you is or you ain't!

Ben Darniell:
Well then, I guess I is.

Ben Darniell:
Mrs. Hopkins, are you without sin?

Widow Hopkins:
Am I without... You mean, am I qualified to cast the first stone?

[last lines]

[Reverend Darniell has tendered his resignation after getting into a barroom brawl with a crooked saloon owner]

Claire Vernon:
Don't leave.

Ben Darniell:
I have no right to stay.

Bishop:
Who says you don't!

Ben Darniell:
Bishop Keaner!

Bishop:
I could have written or replied by wire, but I wanted to get a look at you... and also to tell you personally, Reverend Darniell, that we need clergymen like you who are not afraid to fight when the cause is just; to defend the weak when they cannot defend themselves. You are going to stay in this church in this town in Nevada for a long time, Reverend Darniell. Their faith will be strengthened because of you.

John Burk:
It ain't gold you should be lookin' for.

Aaron Winters:
What do you mean by that?

John Burk:
A man could retire right comfortable if he could find a proper deposit of borax.

Aaron Winters:
A deposit of what?

John Burk:
Borax!

Aaron Winters:
Borax? What's that?

John Burk:
It's a mineral they use to make soaps and medicines with. It's rare, but they found a pocket of it up there about five years ago. Findin' some more would be pretty worthwhile.

Aaron Winters:
What is it about it that makes it so worthwhile to be diggin' for?

John Burk:
The scarcity of it, that's what! The only place they can it now is a country called Tibet. They load it on the backs of sheep and haul it over the Himalayas.

Aaron Winters:
Borax. Yeah... I'll keep lookin' for gold before I start lookin' for soap.

[examining a chunk of borax]

Aaron Winters:
Ben says this is worth 600 dollars a ton. Sure doesn't look it, does it.

Rosie Winters:
What is it?

Aaron Winters:
Called borax.

Rosie Winters:
Aaron... this looks like that cotton-ball stuff that got stuck in my hair and clothes.

Aaron Winters:
Yeah. Yeah!

Rosie Winters:
I'm sure it's the same crystals we saw that day.

Aaron Winters:
At the base of the mountain.

Rosie Winters:
Yes! There must be tons and tons of it!

Aaron Winters:
I'm goin' into town and get some sulfuric acid and alcohol. You and I are goin' prospectin' for borax!

[after pouring alcohol and sulfuric acid on the white rocks, Aaron hesitates to test the material by striking a match]

Rosie Winters:
Light it.

Aaron Winters:
R-Rosie... what if it isn't?

Rosie Winters:
Aaron, we'll go on looking for that gold mine together. I'll light it.

[last lines]

Aaron Winters:
It burns green, Rosie! A beautiful green!

[postscript]

Himself - Host:
[indicating a chunk of borax] Today, this important mineral helps bring you glass, ceramics, automobiles, fiberglass and... Death Valley Days.

[the thief sticks a gun in Hanna's back]

Leach:
You don't move and you don't scream.

Hannah Bailey:
Why should I scream? You can't be that ugly.

Henshaw:
What the fool devil are we wastin' time on now?

Lt. Burke:
Why, Mr. Henshaw, we're fixin' a dingus. Hurry it up, Driscoll.

Dennis Driscoll:
Aye aye, sir... I mean, yes sir.

Henshaw:
You get the that fool sailor back in the that fool wagon, Lieutenant, and we might get out of here alive. If them fool Indians are goin' to jump us, it would be in a fool place like this.

Lt. Burke:
If there are any Indians up there, Mr. Henshaw, a fool three minutes won't make any difference.

Henshaw:
What do you mean, "If"?

Lt. Burke:
[addressing his troopers] Now this is the first time for some of ya. I warn you when they attack, they'll scream like maniacs. Just keep in mind what you've learned. This will out fire their rifles ten to one. War whoops won't hurt you, but fear will. Make every shot count. The Indian you miss may the one who gets you. All right, take cover.

[last lines]

Henshaw:
Fool sailor.

Dennis Driscoll:
And you are a fool civilian.

Trooper:
What are you two calling each other fools for after what you've done?

Henshaw:
It takes a fool to be a hero, soldier.

[Johnny has just turned down Senator Stewart's offer of $12,000 for the mining claim he owns with Jack]

Senator Stewart:
Is that your answer, too?

Johnny McDonald:
Well, he's the brains of this outfit, Senator.

Senator Stewart:
In that case, I'd say you were a partnership no assets, young man.

Will Melville:
This country isn't ready yet for any law school ideas - not yet it isn't.

Judge Lander:
Starting right now it is. This county is part of the Washington Territory and part of the United States of America. It's citizens and criminals will live within the law of the land - laws made for and by the people. with rights and protection for all. Is that clear?

[discussing a perpetrators of a lynching]

Marshal Christy:
What does it matter who did it? He was no better than Kimball or Starr. He deserved hanging.

Caroline Romney:
Maybe deserved hanging, but not a lynching - there's a big difference. Hanging is a lawful execution; the other's murder.

[first lines]

[Bender has goaded a timid young man into a shootout]

Bender:
I'm waitin', boy.

[Bender swats Smith's hat off and shoots a hole in it]

Bender:
Now go get it... I said, "Go get it."

[points his gun at Smith]

Bender:
And on your hands and knees. I want to see you crawl.

Bear River Smith:
I don't intend to be your Number10.

Bender:
Then start crawlin;!

Bear River Smith:
I don't intend to do that, either.

Bear River Smith:
Why you...

[Smith slugs Bender and throws him out of the saloon]

Bear River Smith:
They hung a badge on me up in Bear River country because I used to be a cop in New York and then I forgot what I learned walking a beat in the Bowery. I don't care whether you call him a cop or a marshal - a man who is hired to protect the public has no right to elect himself judge or jury

Prentiss:
Well, this is a gun town, Marshal.

Bear River Smith:
And it will be - as long as you hire guns and hang badges on them.

[an unseen assailant shoots at Smith and Millie from the darkness]

Millie:
Just stand there and be a target. Just stand there! That could have been one of those trail tramps or Nate Bender or some gunslinger you'll never even live to see... and you won't even wear a gun! You're going to wind up dead just trying to prove that you're right and the whole world is wrong.

Stede:
You're causing quite a stir around town.

Bear River Smith:
Oh? Is that good or bad?

Stede:
Depends on who you ask.

Bear River Smith:
What's your opinion?

Stede:
I think the one in the corner's just about your size.

[points to a pair of coffins]

[first lines]

Mrs. Bennett:
[while staring at the Death Valley wasteland] Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. They kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

[last lines]

Mrs. Bennett:
[staring at Death Valley behind her] Though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Deah, I will fear no evil.

William Lewis Manley:
That's a good name for it, Mrs. Bennett. That's a right and proper name - Death Valley. But beyond those mountains is God's country.

Mrs. Bennett:
I think, Mr. Manley, where ever we are - even in Death Valley, we're in God's country.

John Chisum:
I hear ya been sweetin' up to Paul McLennan's widow.

Colonel Rob Hunter:
Not much you miss.

John Chisum:
No. Did she tell you about our business deal?

Colonel Rob Hunter:
She said you paid her for your cattle with paper.

John Chisum:
Still buyin' from me?

Colonel Rob Hunter:
I never mix pleasure with business.

John Chisum:
You *are* my kind, ain't ya?

[last lines]

[Hunter prepares to mount his horse]

Kathy McLennan:
Where do you think you're goin'?

Colonel Rob Hunter:
Haven't made up my mind yet.

Kathy McLennan:
Do you need any help?

[Kathy and Rob embrace]

Mamie - Saloon Gal:
Please, Jack. It's the last chance we have.

Jack London:
No. I'm not running away from him. I'm gonna meet him at The Last Chance. With all the others around, he'll have to agree to a man-to-man fight.

Mamie - Saloon Gal:
How can you be sure?

Jack London:
Because the thing he's most afraid of is showing he's afraid.

Jack London:
No need to kill you, Frank. All I had to do was kill the King of the Pirates. Now, nobody's king.

[first lines]

Old Ranger:
Howdy! I'm The Old Ranger and Death Valley is my old stampin' ground. Many's the tale of adventure I'm going to tell you about the Death Valley country - true stories, mind you. I can vouch for that!

Old Ranger:
This old place doesn't look like much now, but back in 1882, it was more important than a gold mine - and the fellow that made it important was a young fellow named Aaron Winters...

[last lines]

Old Ranger:
Aaron Winters was right and what you see here still stands in Death Valley marking the location of the original borax works and one of the greatest strikes in the history of the West.

Shumer:
I beat any Indian. I beat any Frenchman!

Kit Carson:
I'm an American.

Pete Gorman:
'Course you know you tricked me back there in Hangtown don't you, Warden

James B. Hume:
Yeah, I guess I did.

Pete Gorman:
Nobody's ever beat me in a fair fight.

James B. Hume:
That's 'cause you never gave anybody a fair fight.

Pete Gorman:
I don't believe in it.

Cal:
Work I don't mind. To tell you the truth, my nerves can't stand to see you swing that axe. Besides, you got some of them there five dollar letters to write. This mine's petering out. Go on, I'll chop that wood later.

Sam Clemens:
All right, but I'll thank you not to malign my artistic epistles.

Cal:
Wouldn't do that even if I knew what that meant.

[last lines]

Cal:
Hey, wait a minute. Old Whiteman's cement mine... Sam, do you here me - we can grab a claim right next to his! We can still have those millions!

Sam Clemens:
Not me this time, Cal. I'm going to Virginia City and take me a job on a paper.

Cal:
Whataya mean? You can't pass up a chance like this!

Sam Clemens:
This - and all of the others to come. [regarding his pencil] I don't know if this is going to make me a millionaire, but this is my gold mine from now on.

Joe Plato:
Lookee here what I'm stuck me with, Abe... just about enough land to bury me in - if they don't stick me in sideways.

Frederick Mac Crellish:
Flora, you can't. Look at this and this. These are diamonds - real diamonds. I can buy them for you. I want to. You'll be back in society.

Flora Muybridge:
Back? I was never in society.

Frederick Mac Crellish:
Sure you were.

Flora Muybridge:
When George died, I was out. Where were all those friends - the ones who never missed our parties? I didn't drop them - they dropped me. I've had my fill of society... I want to be with people.

David Farragut:
They won't fire. I left orders they were just to show the flag.

J. D. Calhoun:
Then you were bluffing.

David Farragut:
Let's just say I had confidence in my junior officer - and he made it with about two minutes to spare.

J. D. Calhoun:
I don't *ever* want to play poker with you, Captain Farragut.

David Farragut:
I don't gamble. I can't afford to on a Navy captain's pay.

Charles Poston:
Charles H. Meyer, as alcalde of this town, I appoint you justice-of-the-peace...

Charles Meyer:
It will never work.

Charles Poston:
...at a salary of fifty dollars a month.

Charles Meyer:
Maybe it will work.

[discussing Huldah Swanson]

Ken Matson:
She's my kind of woman!

Wally Denton:
Is there any other kind?

Sheriff:
Just who are you, young lady?

Pearl Hart:
My name is Pearl Hart. I'm the Arizona Bandit.

Sheriff:
And you?

Joe Boot:
[disgusted] Belle Starr.

[discussing a saddle tramp playing cards]

Mayor Jim Kelley:
Dora, you've got a hole in your heart and his kind ride right into it. When are you going to quit adopting stray cats and saddle tramps?

Dora Hand:
[laughing] When they stop coming along!

[last lines]

Himself - Host:
They say there used to be a saying in Dodge City, "The left hand is damned." Perhaps that began to be said when what you've just seen happened as it really did back when the West was wild. Next week another true story of life and death on the old frontier. See you then.

[last lines]

[discussing Sofia Reavis who claimed to have inherited half of Arizona through Spanish land grants]

Tom Weedin:
Looks like you put all of the pieces of your puzzle together.

Matthew Reynolds:
All except one. We'll never know who she really is.

Tom Weedin:
Well, we know who she isn't... and that's enough fhe people of Arizona.

[discussing Sheriff Jackson]

Howell Hendricks:
You know as well as I do with the railroad finished, people pouring into town, more mines opening up - the job is too big for a tired old man... and that's what he is. And that's all he is.

Deputy Jim Brand:
Not to me, Mr. Hendricks. If it wasn't for him takin' a chance on me, I'd still be an out-of-work cowhand going no place.

Howell Hendricks:
Jim, loyalty is fine and I admire you for it, but let's be practical.

Deputy Jim Brand:
Like how?

Howell Hendricks:
[pointing to a favorable newspaper headline] This should be enough to get you elected. If you wait any longer, you'll have more competition. Right now, you're way ahead of the rush.

Deputy Jim Brand:
Tell me - what difference does it make to you who's sheriff and who's not?

Howell Hendricks:
I want to see Washoe County get ahead - Nevada get ahead.

Deputy Jim Brand:
Now is that the railroad talking or you talking?

Howell Hendricks:
Both.

Deputy Jim Brand:
Now which talks first - the kite or the tail?

Sheriff Sam Jackson:
All right, I'll tell you - and you can tell Hendricks! Whenever I get to old and useless to handle the job the taxpayers are paying me for, they can vote me out - and until they do, there's going to be at least one man in Washoe County the railroad don't own and Hendricks can't buy.

Deputy Jim Brand:
Take a look at me, Sam. Do you see any "For Sale" sign on me?

[carrying out a court order, Deputy Sheriff Brand has chained a locomotive to a railroad track, preventing a pair of trains from moving]

Deputy Jim Brand:
You know I always wondered what it would feel to hold up a train - two trains! Now I know.

Nora Jackson:
[to Jim Brand] Hi, train holder-upper!

Deputy Jim Brand:
Sam, did I do wrong?

Sheriff Sam Jackson:
Well, of course you did! Only if I was your age and didn't know any better, I'd have probably done the same thing myself if I had thought of it.

[last lines]

Deputy Jim Brand:
Well, let's go.

Nora Jackson:
Where?

Deputy Jim Brand:
But, Nora, you just saw me get arrested. When a man pulls off the biggest train holdup that ever was - two trains - and a hundred thousand dollars... he has to take his punishment.

Nora Jackson:
[chuckling] You're a fool.

Deputy Jim Brand:
That's not what Mr. Hendricks would say.

Nora Jackson:
Sheriff, I'll take charge of the prisoner.

[Nora and Jim walk off arm in arm]

[discussing a vacant deputy sheriff job]

Frank Dalton:
Now look, Hec, what you're tryin' to tell me is I might regret it if the law says do this and I'd sooner do that.

Marshal Heck Thomas:
Duty is a terrible thing. Sometimes doin' it just eats your insides out... ,and there comes a time - and it always comes - when you got no choice and all you can hope for is, maybe - don't bet on it - maybe somebody will say, "He seen his duty and he done it."

Frank Dalton:
It wouldn't look bad on a tombstone.

Andy Cody:
You're supposed to be the best lawyer in the county.

Andrew Cody:
He's not only "supposed to be" - he is!

George G. Vest:
A lawyer is only as good as the last case he won - or lost.

[discussing a lawsuit filed against Carter Johnson]

George G. Vest:
I know he got you elected, but there's another election coming along.

Sheriff:
And you're in it! And if you've got any hope of being elected Senator...

George G. Vest:
I'm a citizen first, a lawyer second and a candidate after that.

George G. Vest:
[real life quote] The one absolutely unselfish friend a man can have in this selfish world, the one who never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous is his dog.