Delta Farce

[from trailer]

Larry:
[seeing Bill and Everette sleeping together] What in the name of Siegfried and Roy are you fellas doing?

Bill Little:
Don't ask

Everette:
Don't tell

Larry:
We are in the most dangerous city in the world, except maybe for Detroit.

[after learning they're not in Iraq]

Everette:
Are we in France?

Larry:
[when Everette wakes up wearing a dress] Everette, that's another reason you shouldn't drink tequilla.

Everette:
[sees the dress] Damn, this always happens when I eat the worm.

Bill Little:
One man's international incident is another man's preemptive strike in the war on terror.

Everette:
[after a supposedly dead donkey comes back to live] Iraq, it's a land of miracles.

[on Everette's interrogation suit]

Larry:
You look like a retarded Chewbacca.

Larry:
I'm too fat for this sh*t.

[repeated line]

Sgt. Kilgore:
I'm gonna kill you pissants!

Larry:
A couple days ago I had more problems than a cub scout at the Neverland Ranch.

Larry:
You know what the army says, "Be all you can be."

Bill Little:
Hey! He got it right!

Bill Little:
Forget it, I've got a wife and kids to think about.

Larry:
And if Connie and the boys were living in a place like this, would you leave them?

Karen:
It's not your baby.

Larry:
I don't understand.

Woman at Cowboy Frank's:
It means she's got a bun in her oven that ain't your recipe. Now, is the salad bar still free though?

Larry:
Why would you care? Doesn't look like you've had a salad all your life.

Victor:
[to Everett] Oh, and keep your eyes open. Some drunk has been exposing himself to the waitresses at the Denny's across the street. The last time the crazy bastard was carrying a samurai sword.

Sgt. Kilgore:
Now, Larry, I'm appointing you as acting Squad Leader. Don't get too excited. You beat out a mongoloid and a candy-ass.

Everette:
[to Bill] He called you a candy-ass.

Carlos Santana:
I'm the real Carlos Santana! Man of courage, honor. The leader of men! That other guy, he is just a guitar player.

Rufus:
Yeah, well, I think you both suck.

Carlos Santana:
[shoots Rufus in the nose]

Amazing Ken:
You shot Rufus!

Carlos Santana:
I was aiming for the Amazing Ken.

Larry:
Man, look at the size of that son of a b*tch. He would of ripped you a...

Sgt. Kilgore:
Get me loose! I hate Sonny and Cher.

Sgt. Kilgore:
Get your candy-asses on the plane! [Everette stands there as the others get on the plane] You deaf! Did you hear me boy?

Everette:
Yes, Sir, but I'm a mongoloid.

Sgt. Kilgore:
Get on the plane!

Everette:
One shot, one kill. Get some!

Larry:
[seeing Bill and Everette sleeping together] What in the name of Siegfried and Roy are you fellas doing?

Bill Little:
Don't ask.

Everette:
Don't tell.