Dennis Miller: Black and White

Dennis Miller:
[about Jack Nicholson imitators] you know, I don't mind when it when they do Nicholson, but I hate it when they try to paint him into these incredibly mundane scenarios. [as another person] Can you imagine Jack Nicholson as a produce clerk in a grocery store? [as himself talknig to the guy] No. f*** you. You, I can imagine as a produce clerk in a grocery store, alright? Now let's not take the world's highest paid actor and have him spritzing a bag of turnips for $3.35 an hour.

Dennis Miller:
You know, I need Bob Barker lecturing me more on personal ethics. you know, maybe if I had spent the last two decades interviewing the semi-retarded game show contestants at the Hi-Lo wheel, I'd be looking to form study groups with orangutans too. I especially love it when Bob cautions me against using any product that was tested on laboratory animals for merely cosmetic purposes. Well Bob, what the f*** have you been dying your hair with for the last 20 years? I mean have you seen this guy? He makes Edgar Winter look like Gabriella Sabatini, for Christ sake.

Dennis Miller:
NASA! There's a crack unit, huh? These guys make Amtrak look like a team of micro surgeons. The Soviets are building Chuck E Cheeses' on Mars, we break out the party hats if we get down to three in the countdown.

Dennis Miller:
[about his short haircut] I told the person cutting my hair that I wanted to look like Potsie from "Happy Days..." and the kid f***ing ran with it!

Dennis Miller:
And I've always been paranoid. I can remember as a baby my mother would spin the mobile above my head and thinking..."yeah, that's coming down."