Dennis the Menace

Dennis:
I brought my own pillow so I won't get my spit all over yours.

Mrs. Martha Wilson:
Thank you, Dennis.

George Wilson:
I can't stand that kid, he's a menace!

Henry Mitchell:
Mr. Wilson, he's five.

George Wilson:
When I was five I had some respect.

Henry Mitchell:
Well you were probably a pretty exceptional boy.

George Wilson:
1925? I wasn't the exception. I was the rule.

Margaret:
Don't call me stupid, baby rump kisser!

Henry Mitchell:
You go sit in the corner and think about what you've done.

Dennis:
For how long?

Henry Mitchell:
Until you're sorry.

Dennis:
Oh good, I'm sorry now.

Margaret:
If you didn't have women, you wouldn't have babies, which means you wouldn't have people.

Joey:
And if you didn't have men, who'd drive the ladies to the hospital?

Dennis:
I have one more question.

Switchblade Sam:
What?

Dennis:
What does a hostage have to do?

Switchblade Sam:
Nothing.

Dennis:
Then how come you need one?

Switchblade Sam:
Incase the cops show up!

Dennis:
Do I get to use a gun?

Switchblade Sam:
No you get to stand in front of me incase the cops use a gun.

Margaret:
You know why men are so lousey when it comes to taking care of babies?

Dennis:
They have better things to do.

Margaret:
Like what? Play golf and drink beer?

Dennis:
No, like hunting, having wars, driving cars, cleaning fish. Do you know how to do that?

Joey:
Me?

Dennis:
Margaret.

Joey:
Oh, okay.

Margaret:
If you didn't have women, you wouldn't have babies, which means you wouldn't have people.

Joey:
And if you didn't have men, who'd drive the ladies to the hospital?

George Wilson:
This is an important event for me, Dennis.

Dennis:
I know.

George Wilson:
So, you mind whatever manners you have and don't make a pest of yourself.

Dennis:
Okay.

George Wilson:
Don't embarrass me.

Margaret:
You guys are the boring ones. There's lots to do.

Dennis:
Oh, really? Like what?

Margaret:
We could practice singing songs. Or put on a play, or a puppet show.

Joey:
We could bury you alive.

Margaret:
I could pound your face.

Switchblade Sam:
The only reason I ain't moving on is 'cause you stopped to give me the breeze.

George Wilson:
He's only a boy, huh?

Dennis:
You've got everything figured out, haven't you, Mr. Wilson?

George Wilson:
I haven't figured out yet how I'm gonna get my work done with you in the house.

Dennis:
That's a tough one.

Mrs. Martha Wilson:
George, are you sleeping?

George Wilson:
I was until you started yakin'.

Dennis:
Boy, you've got to be pretty brave to be riding on a tiger in your underpants.

George Wilson:
Put that away, that's not for kids.

Mrs. Martha Wilson:
George, take Dennis's suitcases up to the guest room, please.

George Wilson:
He's got arms.

Mrs. Martha Wilson:
Don't start, dear.

George Wilson:
How come when everyone feasts on the pleasures of life, I get the indigestion?

Mrs. Martha Wilson:
Because you're an old grump!