Detectorists

Andy:
What d'you do with 'em?

Lance:
Bag 'em up, stick 'em on ebay. People buy this sh*t!

Lance:
Show me to the non-ferrous metals, mate!

[first lines]

Andy:
What you got?

Lance:
Ring pull... '83... Tizer.

Andy:
What do you do with 'em?

Lance:
Bag 'em up... Stick 'em on eBay... People buy this sh*t.

Andy:
Sad gits.

[first lines]

Lance:
What you got?

Andy:
Matchbox car... Chevrolet Corvette. How in God's name does that get into the middle of a field in Essex?

Lance:
Dunno.

Andy:
I mean, who's been playing with cars up here?

Lance:
Dunno.

Andy:
You know a Roman coin I can understand but a Chevy Corvette? It doesn't make any sense.

Lance:
Swede surprise

Andy:
Whats the surprise?

Lance:
How bland it is

Andy:
Mmmm - that IS bland!

Lance:
Surprisingly bland!

[first lines]

Lance:
Anything?

Andy:
Not sure. Good signal though. [Begins to dig]

Lance:
What you got?

Andy:
[Unearths a 'Jim'll Fix It' badge] Nothing.

Sheila:
Somebody's coming.

Terry:
What's that, love?

Sheila:
Somebody's coming.

Terry:
Who?

Sheila:
Two. One short, one thin.

Terry:
Right-oh.

Sheila:
[Doorbell rings] Oh, they're here.

Lance:
That new boyfriend of hers... Massive knob!

Andy:
Has he?

Becky:
Sorry I poured three pints of strong European lager over you - it was an accident

Lance:
Listen... I've never admitted this to anyone but... I really won the lottery the day Maggie left me.

Sophie:
Right. You mean what? You didn't realise at the time but actually it was the best thing that could have happened?

Lance:
Pardon?

Sophie:
You mean that, it was a good thing?

Lance:
What was?

Sophie:
Maggie leaving you.

Lance:
Eh?

Sophie:
What did you mean then, "I won the lottery"?

Lance:
I won the lottery the day Maggie left me.

Sophie:
Sorry, what do you mean?

Lance:
What part of "I won the lottery" don't you understand?

Sophie:
You won the lottery?

Lance:
Yes.

Sophie:
The national lottery?

Lance:
Yes.

Sophie:
How much?

Lance:
Three hundred grand.

Sophie:
Shut up!

Lance:
She couldn't even remember if I take sugar in my tea!

Sophie:
And do you?

Lance:
Of course I do! Its bloody TEA!

Lance:
Tea without sugar is just vegetable soup

Bishop:
They reminded me of... what do you call them?

Lance:
Simon and Garfunkle?

Bishop:
Arseholes!