Diamonds Are Forever

M:
We do function in your absence, Commander.

James Bond:
Presumably I'm the condemned man and obviously you're the hearty breakfast.

Mr. Wint:
The scorpion.

Mr. Kidd:
One of nature's finest killers, Mr. Wint.

Mr. Wint:
One is never too old to learn from a master, Mr. Kidd.

Mr. Wint:
Very moving.

Mr. Kidd:
Heartwarming, Mr. Wint.

Mr. Wint:
A glowing tribute, Mr. Kidd.

Sir Donald Munger:
Tell me, Commander, how far does your expertise extend into the field of diamonds?

James Bond:
Well, hardest substance found in nature, they cut glass, suggest marriages, I suppose it replaced the dog as the girl's best friend. That's about it.

M:
Refreshing to hear that there is one subject you're not an expert on!

Blofeld:
The satellite is now over... Kansas. Well, if we destroy Kansas the world may not hear about it for years.

Mr. Kidd:
If God had wanted man to fly, Mr. Wint...

Mr. Wint:
...He would have given him wings, Mr. Kidd.

Mr. Kidd:
Well, they're both aboard, and I must say Miss Case is quite lovely...

Mr. Kidd:
...For a lady.

Mr. Kidd:
Heh heh heh heh!

Tiffany Case:
I'll finish dressing.

James Bond:
Oh please don't, not on my account.

Felix Leiter:
I give up. I know the diamonds are in the body, but where?

James Bond:
Alimentary, my dear Leiter...

Slumber Inc. Attendant:
The stiff, ehm, the deceased back there... Your brother, Mr. Franks?

James Bond:
Yes, it was.

Slumber Inc. Attendant:
I got a brudder.

James Bond:
Small world.

Plenty O'Toole:
Hi, I'm Plenty.

James Bond:
But of course you are.

Plenty O'Toole:
Plenty O'Toole.

James Bond:
Named after your father perhaps?

Plenty O'Toole:
You handle those cubes like a monkey handles coconuts.

James Bond:
That's a nice little nothing you're almost wearing.

James Bond:
Thank you very much. I was just out walking my RAT and seem to have lost my way...

James Bond:
Good morning, gentlemen. ACME pollution inspection. We're cleaning up the world, we thought this was a suitable starting point.

James Bond:
Weren't you a blonde when I came in?

Tiffany Case:
Could be.

James Bond:
I tend to notice little things like that - whether a girl is a blonde or a brunette.

James Bond:
Well, one of us smells like a tart's handkerchief.

James Bond:
I'm afraid it's me. Sorry, old boy.

Sir Donald Munger:
You have been on holiday, I understand. Relaxing, I hope?

James Bond:
Oh, hardly relaxing, but most satisfying.

James Bond:
Pity about your liver, sir. Unusually fine Solera. '51, I believe.

M:
There is no year for sherry, 007.

James Bond:
I was referring to the original vintage on which the sherry is based, sir. 1851, unmistakable.

Sir Donald Munger:
Precisely.

Mr. Wint:
Curious, how everyone who touches those diamonds seems to... die.

James Bond:
What can I bring you back from Holland?

Miss Moneypenny:
A diamond? In a ring?

James Bond:
Would you settle for a tulip?

Miss Moneypenny:
Mm, yes.

Blofeld:
You're showing a bit more cheek than usual Miss Case.

Blofeld:
Too bad, such nice cheeks too...

Blofeld:
You press "L" Mr. Bond, the word "Lobby" begins with "L".

Tiffany Case:
She's...

James Bond:
Dead. Supposed to be you. The next link in the "pipeline".

Tiffany Case:
What are you talking about?

James Bond:
Poor Plenty must have stumbled in here looking for you.

Tiffany Case:
I don't believe you!

James Bond:
A dentist is dead in South Africa. That little old lady in Amsterdam. Shady got his last night. They've missed me once. And you're next. Now, who's your connection?

Tiffany Case:
You sound like a cop...

James Bond:
Who's your connection?

Tiffany Case:
All I know, his voice is on a phone. They got me this place and told me to wait for further instructions.

James Bond:
You'll find that rather difficult to hear underwater.

James Bond:
Your problems are all behind you now.

Tiffany Case:
Oh, James.

James Bond:
Oh, yes. What were you about to ask me?

Tiffany Case:
James, how the hell do we get those diamonds down again?

James Bond:
The wine is quite excellent. Although for such a grand meal I would have expected a claret.

Mr. Wint:
But of course. Unfortunately our cellar is poorly stocked with clarets.

James Bond:
Mouton Rothschild IS a claret. And, I've smelled that aftershave before, and both times - I've smelled a rat.

Blofeld:
Making mud pies, 007?

James Bond:
What do you intend to do with those diamonds?

Blofeld:
An excellent question. And one which will be hanging on the lips of the world quite soon. If I were to break the news to anyone it would be to you first, Mr Bond, you know that.

Blofeld:
Good evening, Mr Bond.

James Bond:
Blofeld?

Blofeld:
Double jeopardy, Mr Bond.

Blofeld:
You killed my only other double, and after his death, volunteers were understandably... rather scarce.

Willard Whyte:
Baja? I haven't got anything in Baja!

James Bond:
Saxby!

Willard Whyte:
Burt Saxby? Tell him he's fired!

Mr. Kidd:
If at first you don't succeed Mr. Wint...?

Mr. Wint:
Try, try again, Mr. Kidd.

Mr. Wint:
And for dessert... a Bombe Surprise

Tiffany Case:
Mmm! That looks fantastic. What's in it?

Mr. Wint:
Ah... But then there would be no surprise, Madame.

James Bond:
I tend to notice little things like that... whether a girl's a red-head or a blonde.

Tiffany Case:
And which do you prefer?

James Bond:
Oh, either, provided the collars match the cuffs.

James Bond:
Fancy little almost-nothing you're always wearing. I quite approve.

Bond:
Anything you want me to bring you from Holland, Moneypenny?

Moneypenny:
A diamond...in a ring.

Bond:
Would you settle for a tulip? [He drives away]

Moneypenny:
[Longingly] Yes!

[The corpse of Mrs. Whistler is seen being recovered from the River Amstel in Amsterdam - to the shock of a tour commentator]

Mr. Kidd:
[taking a photograph of the proceedings] Mrs. Whistler DID want some pictures of the canals for the children.

Mr. Wint:
How kind of you Mr. Kidd, the children will be so thrilled!

[Plenty O'Toole is thrown out of the window and lands in the middle of the hotel's swimming pool]

James Bond:
[looking down] Exceptionally fine shot.

Slumber Inc. Attendant:
I didn't know there was a pool down there.

[Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd have sealed Bond into a coffin and observe it rolling into the crematorium furnace at Slumber Inc.]

Mr. Wint:
Very......moving.

Mr. Kidd:
Heartwarming, Mr. Wint.

Mr. Wint:
A glowing tribute, Mr. Kidd!

Tiffany Case:
Listen, you can drop me off at the next corner. This whole thing is getting a little out of hand. No regrets, but when you start stealing moon machines from Willard Whyte, Good bye and Good Luck!

James Bond:
Just relax, I have a friend named Felix who can fix anything.

Tiffany Case:
Is he married? [after being pulled over by the sheriff; sarcastically] Relax, you've got a friend named Felix who can fix anything.

James Bond:
Unfortunately, so can Willard Whyte.

[Bond appears in the basement of the Whyte House, having been rendered unconscious by a gas trap in the elevator]

Mr. Wint If at first you don't succeed, Mr. Kidd....

Mr. Kidd Try, try again, Mr. Wint. [as they load Bond into the trunk of their car, to dump him in a pipe in the desert]

Tiffany Case:
Darling, why are we suddenly staying in the Newlywed Suite at the Whyte House?

James Bond:
In order to form a more perfect union.

Tiffany Case:
My God ..You've just killed James Bond!

[James Bond looks in disgust]

James Bond:
Is that who it was? Well, it just proves no one's indestructible.

[after James Bond kills what appears to be a double of Ernst Stavro Blofeld, his cat runs away as another car with a diamond leash arrives with the real Blofeld]

Blofeld:
Right idea, Mr. Bond...

Bond:
...but wrong p*ssy.

“Plenty? Named for your father, perhaps?”

“Good thing it wasn’t Van Cleef and Arpels.”

“We do function in your absence, 007.”

James Bond:
[after killing what appears to be Blofeld] Welcome to hell, Blofeld.

James Bond:
[after flinging Mr. Wint with a bomb into the ocean] Well, he certainly left with his tails between the legs.

Ernst Stavro Blofeld:
The satellite is at present over... Kansas. Well, if we destroy Kansas the world may not hear about it for years. Perhaps New York, with all that smut and traffic... might give them a chance for a fresh start. Washington, DC. Perfect. Since we have not heard from them, they will hear from us.

[Q plays multiple slot machines, winning the jackpot every time]

Tiffany Case:
Hi there, Mr. Q. Are you having any luck?

Q:
I'm being somewhat successful, thank you.