Die Hard: With a Vengeance

Simon:
As I was going to St. Ives? / I met a man with seven wives. / Every wife had seven sacks, / Every sack had seven cats, / Every cat had seven kittens. / Kittens, cats, sacks, wives, / How many were going to St. Ives?

John McClane:
Look I fail you cover my ass. You fail I cover your ass!

Zeus:
And if we both fail?

John McClane:
Then were both f***ed!

John McClane:
I'll tell you what your problem is, you don't like me because you're a racist!

Zeus:
What?

John McClane:
You're a racist! You don't like me because I'm white!

Zeus:
I don't like you because you're going to get me *killed*!

Zeus:
Didn't I hear you say you didn't even like your brother?

Simon:
There's a difference between not liking one's brother and not caring when some dumb Irish flatfoot drops him out of a window.

Zeus:
Ain't no riddle gonna solve this motherf***er?

Simon:
No riddle, no code, no fancy little countdown.

Zeus:
You famous in L.A. or something?

John McClane:
Yeah, for about five minutes.

Zeus:
Don't tell me. Rodney King, right?

John McClane:
You know how to fire one of these?

Zeus:
No.

John McClane:
No?

Zeus:
Hey, all brothers don't know how to use guns, you racist motherf***er.

Zeus:
Are you aiming for these people?

John McClane:
No.

John McClane:
Well, maybe that mime.

FBI agent:
Have you been followed at all during the last few days? Any suspicious phone calls? Any kind of surveillance at all? Anything?

John McClane:
Well, now that you mention it, I have, sort of, been feeling this burning sensation between my toes.

Simon:
You just interfered with a very well laid plan.

Zeus:
Well, you can stick that well laid plan in your well laid ass.

John McClane:
Relax, I know what I'm doing.

Zeus:
Not even God knows what you're doing, McClane.

Zeus:
Excuse me, I need to use that phone.

Businessman:
Use the other one.

Zeus:
Sir, please. I need to use that phone.

Businessman:
Hey, listen, bro, I was here first.

Zeus:
Bro? Get away from the goddamn phone!

Zeus:
Now, where are you goin'?

Raymond:
To school.

Zeus:
Why?

Dexter:
To get educated.

Zeus:
Why?

Raymond:
So we can go to college.

Zeus:
And why is that important?

Raymond:
To get a-spected.

Zeus:
RE-spect. Now who are the bad guys?

Raymond:
Guys who sell drugs.

Dexter:
Guys who have guns.

Zeus:
And who are the good guys?

Raymond:
We're the good guys.

Zeus:
So who's gonna help us?

Dexter:
Nobody.

Zeus:
So who's gonna help us?

Raymond:
We're gonna help ourselves.

Zeus:
And who do we not want to help us?

Dexter:

Zeus:
What the f*** are you doin'?

John McClane:
Interrogatin' him.

Zeus:
Well, what's he gonna tell you, "I'm dead"?

John McClane:
Well, I ain't gonna know 'til I ask him, am I?

Zeus:
What does this all have to do with killing McClane.

Simon:
Life has its little bonuses.

John McClane:
Hey, partner!

Zeus:
I ain't your partner. I ain't your neighbor, your brother, or your friend. I'm your total stranger.

Simon:
I'm a soldier, not a monster. Even though I do work with monsters.

Simon:
I want you and the Samaritan at the corner of 72nd and Broadway in fifteen minutes. You understand?

John McClane:
Yeah, I understand. I understand that you're a f***ing wacko who likes to play kids' games.

Simon:
Hardly.

John McClane:
Hardly? Well what have you got against me anyway? What did I bring you in for? Shoplifting? Purse-snatching?

John McClane:
Cross-dressing?

Simon:
You c... c... couldn't c... c... catch me if I stole your ch... ch... chair with you in it!

John McClane:
My ch... ch... chair with me in it? Well Simon, why are you trying to k... k... k... kill me?

John McClane:
You know this guy Simon we're talking to?

Zeus:
Yeah.

John McClane:
I threw his little brother off the thirty-second floor of Nakatomi Towers out in L.A. I guess he's a little pissed at me.

Zeus:
You mean to tell me that I'm caught up in all this sh*t because some white cop threw some white a**hole's brother off a roof?

John McClane:
You can't do it that way you dumb, motherf***ing...!

Zeus:
Say it! Say it!

John McClane:
Say what?

Zeus:
You were going to call me a n*gger, weren't you?

John McClane:
No I wasn't!

Zeus:
Yes you were! What were you gonna call me?

John McClane:
A**hole! How's that, a**hole!

Simon:
Said Simple Simon to the pieman going to fair, "Give me your pies... or I'll cave your head in."

Simon:
I think he's dead my dear.

John McClane:
Hey, can you pick locks?

Zeus:
Is this one of those black things again?

John McClane:
You know, you're the first woman since Holly to see me do this.

Connie Kowalski:
I'm honored...

John McClane:
Yeah, so was she.

John McClane:
Hot in here, or am I just scared to death?

Zeus:
See, I told you Park Drive was jammed!

John McClane:
I didn't say through Park Drive.

John McClane:
I said through the park.

Zeus:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm not going anywhere.

Inspector Cobb:
Simon says you got to go.

Zeus:
I'm not jumping through hoops for some psycho! That's a white man, with white problems. You deal with it. Call me when he crosses 110th Street.

Inspector Cobb:
We'll be back to pick you up in fifteen minutes.

John McClane:
Take your time. I expect to be dead in four.

Simon:
Is there a lieutenant named McClane there?

Inspector Cobb:
He's on suspension.

Simon:
No, Arthur, he's not. Not today.

Inspector Cobb:
Who is this?

Simon:
Call me Simon. I want to play a game.

Inspector Cobb:
What kind of game?

Simon:
"Simon Says". Simon is going to tell Lt. McClane what to do, and Lt. McClane is going to do it. Noncompliance will result in a penalty.

Inspector Cobb:
What kind of penalty?

Simon:
Another big bang in a very public place.

Simon:
Money means sh*t to me. I would not give up McClane for all the gold in your Fort Knox.

Simon:
Where are my pigeons now?

Inspector Cobb:
Pigeons?

Simon:
I had two pigeons, bright and gay, fly for me the other day. Why is it they did go? You cannot tell, you do not know.

Inspector Cobb:
You mean McClane?

Simon:
No, I mean Santa Claus.

John McClane:
The only thing better than blowing up $100 billion worth of gold is making people think you did.

John McClane:
You know how to hot-wire this thing?

Zeus:
Of course I can, I'm an electrician. Only problem is...

Zeus:
...it takes too f***in' long.

Simon:
Yesterday we were an army with no country, tomorrow we must decide which country we want to buy!

Zeus:
How do Catholics do their thing?

John McClane:
North, South, West, East.

John McClane:
Say hello to your brother.

Ricky Walsh:
Next, fourteen dumptrucks stolen from a yard in Staten Island. Fourteen! Jesus! Somebody starting a construction company?

Joe Lambert:
No, it's John's landlady - gonna clean up his apartment.

John McClane:
It rings a bell, yeah.

John McClane:
You know that bomb I said they found up in Harlem?

Zeus:
Yeah, what about it?

John McClane:
Well, I kind of lied. They found it down in Chinatown.

Zeus:
Oh that's low man.

Zeus:
Wait a minute, wait a minute, it's a trick! I forgot about the man.

John McClane:
Man? What man? F*** the man! I got ten seconds here!

Zeus:
The riddle begins, "As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives!"

John McClane:
So?

Zeus:
So, the guy and his wives aren't going anywhere.

John McClane:
What are they doing?

Zeus:
Sitting in the f***ing road! Waiting on the moors! How the hell should I know?

Zeus:
Morning.

John McClane:
Good morning.

Zeus:
You having a nice day, sir? You feeling alright? Not to get too personal, but a white man standing in the middle of Harlem wearing a sign that says "I hate n*ggers" has either got some serious personal issues, or not all his dogs are barking.

Zeus:
Hey! I'm talking to you! Now you've got about ten seconds before those guys see you, and when they do they will kill you do you understand? You're about to have a very bad day.

John McClane:
Tell me about it.

Inspector Cobb:
How is that?

Officer Jane:
Nothing wrong with him a shower wouldn't cure. Beer is normally taken internally, John.

Dr. Schiller:
Yes I was saying that we're dealing with a megalomaniacal personality with possible paranoid schizo...

John McClane:
Hey, hey! How 'bout you just skip down to the part where you tell me what the f*** this has to do with me.

Joe Lambert:
Who the hell would want to blow up Bonwit?

Connie Kowalski:
Did you see a woman miss a shoe sale?

Zeus:
Is this a black-sh*t again?

John McClane:
Hey will you stop that racial sh*t? Are you a f***in' locksmith or not?

Zeus:
Call 911. Someone's about to get killed. And afterwards you go to school, okay?

John McClane:
Hey d*ckhead! Did I come at a bad time?

John McClane:
Yippie-kay-yay motherf***er

John McClane:
I never knew Canada could be this much fun.

Zeus:
Why do you keep calling me 'Jesus'? Do I look Puerto Rican to you?

John McClane:
Guy back there called you 'Jesus'.

Zeus:
He didn't say 'Jesus'. He said, "Hey, Zeus!" My name is Zeus.

John McClane:
Zeus?

Zeus:
Yeah, Zeus. As in father of Apollo? Mt. Olympus? Don't f*** with me or I'll shove a lightning bolt up your ass? Zeus! You got a problem with that?

Mathias Targo:
I told you not to play with him!

Simon:
Thank you, that's very helpful.

Charles Weiss:
No guts. No glory.

Mathias Targo:
I see you all day, little man, policeman...

Mathias Targo:
...and you don't go away.

John McClane:
I'm like that f***ing Energizer bunny.

Charles Weiss:
Six booby traps, four dead ends, "and a Patridge in a pear tree." Okay, honey. Let's dance.