Dirty Dingus Magee

Hawkeye:
[pointing to tracks] Many horses come this way.

Sergeant:
Them are our tracks! Damn you, Hawkeye, you done got us lost again!

Dingus Billy Magee:
Now we go to Mexico.

Anna Hot Water:
Mexico?

Dingus Billy Magee:
When you steal money, that's where you go. It's the Code of the West.

John Wesley Hardin:
Empty your pockets!

Dingus Billy Magee:
Yes sir, Mr. Hardin.

John Wesley Hardin:
You know my name, huh?

Dingus Billy Magee:
Yes sir. There ain't a fence post or a tree stump anywhere in these parts that don't have John Wesley Hardin's picture on it.

John Wesley Hardin:
Ain't I seen a poster on you somewhere?

Dingus Billy Magee:
Yes sir. The name's Magee - Dingus Magee.

John Wesley Hardin:
Oh, that ten dollar outlaw.

Dingus Billy Magee:
None but.

John Wesley Hardin:
Ha! Ha! Ha! Hell, if I'd known that, I never would have held you up, but I got to steal something from you. Never stop a man for robbing unless you take at least something. That's the Code of the West.

Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill:
This here is the chest from the stagecoach robbery and Dingus Magee estimates there may be as much as a million dolars in gold and silver pieces inside.

Belle Nops:
Well, the money ain't rightly ours, is it?

Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill:
Finders keepers. That's the Code of the West, ain't it?

Belle Nops:
Gimme that crowbar!

Sergeant:
Indians, sir!

Brig. Gen. George:
My God, we're in luck. We will make our stand here, Sergeant!

Sergeant:
Yes sir!

Brig. Gen. George:
Circle the wagons!

Sergeant:
We ain't got enough, sir.

Brig. Gen. George:
Well, then make a half moon!

Chief Crazy Blanket:
You like daughter?

Dingus Billy Magee:
Ah, yeah.

Chief Crazy Blanket:
Me like gun. We make trade. I take gun. You take daughter. Marry.

Dingus Billy Magee:
Oh, well, ah, sir, she's a mighty nice girl and I like her a lot, but that's a fine looking rifle there.

Chief Crazy Blanket:
Me keep rifle! You take daughter! Go honeymoon. Crazy Blanket has spoken!

Charles Stuart:
Here he comes! Shall I shoot him in the back when he passes?

Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill:
No! I want this to be a fair fight. I'll shoot him in the back. It's the Code of the West.

Belle Nops:
Where in the hell have you been?

Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill:
At the jail taking care of my outlaw.

Belle Nops:
I didn't make you Sheriff to take care of your outlaw, but to protect my girls here.

[indicates her bordello]

Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill:
Is somebody threatening them?

Belle Nops:
The Army is threatening them!

Charles Stuart:
The Army is threatening to move out.

Belle Nops:
And ruin every industry in Yerke's Hole... especially mine!

Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill:
Why would the Army move?

Rev. Green:
To go where the Indians are! That's what they come out west for - to fight Indians.

Belle Nops:
What we need is a good massacre.

Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill:
There ain't nothing but tamed Indians around here, Belle.

Belle Nops:
Well, stir 'em up!

Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill:
How?

Belle Nops:
Break a treaty! Speak with forked tongue! How the hell should I know? I never started an uprising before!

Belle Nops:
[hands Hoke a badge] Here. You're the new sheriff.

Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill:
Maybe I oughta be sworn in or something.

Belle Nops:
Raise your right hand. Swear.

Herkimer 'Hoke' Birdsill:
To hell with Dingus Magee!

Belle Nops:
These army drills are hard on the girls.

China Poppy:
Soldiers hard on, too.

Belle Nops:
You can say *that* again.

[repeated line]

Dingus Billy Magee:
Hot damn!

Belle Nops:
[after her bordello catches fire] My cathouse!... My cathouse!... My cathouse is burning!