Dirty Harry

Mayor:
All right, let's have it.

Insp. Harry Callahan:
Have what?

Mayor:
Your report. What have you been doing?

Insp. Harry Callahan:
Oh, well for the past three quarters of an hour, I have been sitting on my ass in your outer office, waiting on you.

Lt. Al Bressler:
Dammit all, Harry, that's the Mayor you're talking to! ...

Mayor:
Won't you sit down Inspector Callahan? ... There's a madman loose, I've asked you what's being done, fair enough?

Insp. Harry Callahan:
We've got a dozen men checking identification files, checking on all known extortionists, roof top prowlers, rifle nuts, peepers..

Lt. Al Bressler:
Mr. Mayor — we've arranged for rooftop surveillance and helicopter patrols especially around the Catholic churches and schools and in the black areas.

Insp. Harry Callahan:
Ballistics is checking on the slug. We're pretty sure it's a .30-06, seven lands and grooves, right-hand twist ...

Lt. Al Bressler:
Sir — we're running a computer check on everybody in the files whose birthday falls between October 23rd and November 21st.

Mayor:
Why?

Insp. Harry Callahan:
Natives of Scorpio.

Mayor:
Thank you Inspector. Have any of you mentioned this note to anyone? How about you? (looking at Callahan)

Insp. Harry Callahan:
Nobody.

Mayor:
Your wife, sweetheart, ... press?

Insp. Harry Callahan:
Nobody.

Mayor:
All right. Give the message to the Chronicle. We'll agree to pay, but we'll tell him we need time to get the money together.

Insp. Harry Callahan:
Wait a minute. Do I get this right? You're gonna play this creep's game?

Mayor:
It'll get us more breathing space.

Insp. Harry Callahan:
It also might get somebody killed. Why don't you let me meet with the son-of-a-b*tch?

Chief:
No, none of that. You'd end up with a real blood-bath.

Mayor:
I agree with the Chief. We'll do it this way, all right?

Lt. Al Bressler:
Thank you Mr. Mayor. Come on Callahan, let's go.

Mayor:
(calls out) Callahan.

Insp. Harry Callahan:
Sir?

Mayor:
I don't want any more trouble like you had last year in the Fillmore District. Understand? That's my policy.

Insp. Harry Callahan:
Yeah, well, when an adult male is chasing a female with intent to commit rape, I shoot the bastard; that's my policy.

Mayor:
Intent? How did you establish that?

Insp. Harry Callahan:
When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross.

Mayor:
[after Callahan has left] I think he's got a point.

[Harry visits his favorite diner]

Insp. Harry Callahan:
Hey there, Jaffe; the usual.

Jaffe:
The usual lunch or the usual dinner?

Insp. Harry Callahan:
Well, what difference does that make?

Jaffe:
Not much.

[long pause]

Insp. Harry Callahan:
Say Jaffe, is that tan Ford still parked across in front of the bank?

Jaffe:
Tan Ford ... Mmm mmm yeah. Tan Ford.

Insp. Harry Callahan:
Engine running?

Jaffe:
I don't know. How can I tell?

Insp. Harry Callahan:
Exhaust fumes coming out of the tailpipe.

Jaffe:
Oh my God, that's awful! Look at all that pollution.

Insp. Harry Callahan:
Yeah. Do me a favor. [gives him slip of paper] Call this telephone number.

Jaffe:
Police department?

Insp. Harry Callahan:
Yeah. Tell them Inspector Callahan thinks there's a 2-11 in progress at the bank. Be sure and tell them that's in progress.

Jaffe:
In progress. Yes sir.

[goes to phone and starts dialing]

Insp. Harry Callahan:
Now, if they'll just wait for the cavalry to arrive. [immediately, an alarm bell goes off and a gunshot is heard] Ah, sh*t!

[After shooting several of the bank-robbers and stopping their getaway car by shooting the driver, Inspector Callahan approaches the front steps of the bank. The bank robber that Callahan shot first, wounding him and forcing him to drop his shotgun, now makes an effort to retrieve it. He pauses as he sees Callahan approach, aiming his revolver.]

Callahan:
I know what you're thinking: "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do you, punk?

[The thief gives up trying to retrieve his shotgun; Callahan picks it up and starts to walk away, lowering the hammer.]

Thief:
Hey! [Callahan turns around] I gots to know...

[Callahan recocks and aims his revolver and pulls the trigger, but the gun just clicks on an empty chamber, and he grins, laughs, and walks away.]

Thief:
Son of a b*tch...

Doctor:
Sure, Harry. We can save the leg. [takes out some scissors]

Callahan:
What are you going to do with those?

Doctor:
Going to cut your pants off.

Callahan:
No. I'll take them off.

Doctor:
It'll hurt.

Callahan:
For $29.50, let it hurt. You can turn your back if you're embarrassed ...

Gonzales:
Why do they call ya "Dirty Harry"?

De Georgio:
That's one thing about our Harry, he doesn't play any favorites. Harry hates everybody. Limeys, Micks, Hebes, N*ggers, Honkies, Fat Dagos, Chinks, you name it.

Gonzales:
How does he feel about Mexicans?

De Georgio:
Ask him.

Callahan:
(says with a wink) Especially Spics.

Callahan:
These loonies. They ought to throw a net over the whole bunch of 'em.

Gonzales:
I know what you mean.

Pedestrian:
Hey, fruitcake, what do you think you're doing?

Callahan:
Get the hell out of the way, hammerhead.

Thug 1:
What's in the bag, man?

Callahan:
You dudes get lost now, ya hear?

Thug 2:
Screw the bag.

Thug 3:
Yeah, just give us the wallet now.

(Harry clubs the third thug with the bag, then kicks their pal in the face, then pulls his gun on the first thug)

Callahan:
(seething in desperation) You don't listen too good, do ya, a**hole?

Callahan:
I'm Callahan.

Young Man:
My friends call me Alice, but I'll take a dare.

Callahan:
Well, Alice, when was the last time you were busted?

Young Man:
If you're vice, I'll kill myself.

Callahan:
Well, do it at home!

Gonzalez:
[about quitting the force] I've been doing a lot of thinking about it. I have a teaching credential and I figure, what for, you know?

[pause]

Gonzalez's wife:
I thought I could take it ... Whatever it takes to be a cop's wife, I'm just not sure I'm making it. He really tries and these bastards, you know, Pig this, Pig that. Ah, but maybe it's when I watch him walk out that door at night, and I think, what if this is the last time I ever see him again ... doesn't it drive your wife crazy?

Callahan:
Nope.

Gonzalez's wife:
You mean she got used to it.

Callahan:
No, she never did really.

Gonzalez's wife:
Well, what then?

Callahan:
She's dead.

Gonzalez's wife:
Oh, please forgive me.

Callahan:
She was driving home late one night and a drunk crossed the center line. There was no reason for it, really.

Gonzalez's wife:
I'm so sorry.

Callahan:
That's o.k. Look, I want you to tell Chico that I understand, you know, him quitting. I-I think he's right. This is no life for you two.

Gonzalez's wife:
Why do you stay in it then?

Callahan:
I don't know, I really don't.

De Georgio:
Illegal entry, no warrant.

Callahan:
Looks like we climb.

De Georgio:
Uh-uh. Too much linguine. I'll find another way.

De Georgio:
You need any help?

Callahan:
Go on out and get some air, fatso.

De Georgio:
You're the boss.

Scorpio:
(bleeding through his leg from a bullet wound) Please no more, I'm hurt, can't you see I'm hurt? You shot me, please don't, don't! Let me have a doctor ... Please give me the doctor, don't kill me!

Callahan:
The girl, where is she?

Scorpio:
You tried to kill me!

Callahan:
If I tried that, your head'd be splattered all over this field. Now where's the girl?

Scorpio:
I want a lawyer!

Callahan:
I said, where's the girl?

Scorpio:
I have the right for a lawyer.

Callahan:
Where's the girl?

Scorpio:
I have the right for a lawyer, don't shoot me, I have rights, want a lawyer.......(now whimpers in pain as Harry steps on his injury, causing still more suffering)

District Attorney:
I've just been looking over your arrest report. A very unusual piece of police work. Really amazing.

Callahan:
Yeah, well I had some luck.

District Attorney:
You're lucky I'm not indicting you for assault with intent to commit murder.

Callahan:
What?!

District Attorney:
Where the hell does it say you've got a right to kick down doors, torture suspects, deny medical attention and legal counsel. Where have you been? Does Escobedo ring a bell? Miranda? I mean, you must have heard of the Fourth Amendment. What I'm saying is, that man had rights.

Callahan:
Well, I'm all "broken up" about that man's rights.

District Attorney:
You should be. I've got news for you, Callahan. As soon as he's well enough to leave the hospital, he walks.

Callahan:
What are you talking about?

District Attorney:
He's free.

Callahan:
You mean you're letting him go?

District Attorney:
We have to, we can't try him.

Callahan:
And why is that?

District Attorney:
Because I'm not wasting a half a million dollars of the taxpayer's money on a trial we can't possibly win. The problem is, we don't have any evidence.

Callahan:
Evidence? What the hell do you call that? [He gestures toward Scorpio's weapon]

District Attorney:
I call it nothing, zero.

Callahan:
Are you trying to tell me that Ballistics can't match the bullet up to this rifle?

District Attorney:
It does not matter what Ballistics can do. This rifle might make a nice souvenir. But it's inadmissible as evidence.

Callahan:
And who says that?

District Attorney:
It's the law.

Callahan:
Well then, the law is crazy!

District Attorney:
This is Judge Bannerman of the appellate court. He also holds classes in Constitutional Law in Berkeley. I've asked him for an opinion — your Honor?

Judge Bannerman:
Well, in my opinion, the search of the suspect's quarters was illegal. Evidence obtained thereby, such as that hunting rifle, for instance, is inadmissible in court. You should have gotten a search warrant. I'm sorry, but it's that simple.

Callahan:
Search warrant!? There was a girl dying.

District Attorney:
She was in fact dead according to the medical report.

Callahan:
But I didn't know that.

Judge:
The court would have to recognize the police officer's legitimate concern for the girl's life, but there is no way they can possibly condone police torture. All evidence concerning the girl — the suspect's confession, all physical evidence — would have to be excluded.

Callahan:
(sighs) There must be something you can get him on.

Judge:
Without the evidence of the gun and the girl, (half chuckles) I couldn't convict him of spitting on the sidewalk. No, the suspect's rights were violated, under the Fourth and Fifth and probably the Sixth and Fourteenth Amendments.

Callahan (incredulous and angry):
And Anne Mary Deacon, what about her rights? I mean, she's raped and left in a hole to die. Who speaks for her?

District Attorney:
The District Attorney's office, if you'll let us. I've got a wife and three kids. I don't want him on the streets any more than you do.

Callahan:
Well, he won't be out there long.

District Attorney:
What is that supposed to mean?

Callahan:
I mean sooner or later he's gonna stub his toe and then I'll be right there.

District Attorney:
This office won't stand for any harassment.

Callahan:
You know, you're crazy if you think you've heard the last of this guy. He's gonna kill again.

District Attorney:
How do you know?

Callahan:
'Cause he likes it.

Chief:
Have you been following that man?

Callahan:
Yeah, I've been following him on my own time. And anybody can tell I didn't do that to him.

Chief:
How?

Callahan:
Cause he looks too damn good, that's how!

Mayor:
(on phone) The jet must be fueled and ready to go in a half an hour. Skeleton crew, they must be volunteers. Tell them the man is dangerous. Well, here, I'll read you this note which was delivered at eight o'clock this morning: "To the City of San Francisco. You have double-crossed me for the last time. I'm warning you to have my $200,000 in a jet airplane ready and waiting. I will call Mayor's office at one o'clock and tell you about the hostages who I will be happy to kill if you don't do exactly what I say, Scorpio" (pauses) Well, you better have somebody standing by — it could be a false alarm but don't count on it.

Scorpio:
It's very simple. I've got the kids and you start screwing around, the kids start dying. Is the plane ready?

Mayor:
The jet is being fueled and ready to go at the airport. The money will be there by the time you get there.

Scorpio:
All right, now listen and listen very carefully. I'm going to be driving along nice and easy, just me and a bus load of kids. I'm going to turn off on the Sir Francis Drake Blvd. on my way to the Santa Rosa Airport. I don't want to see any police cars, helicopters, whatever. Now if you got the guts to play this game by the rules, the kids will have a nice little plane ride.

Mayor:
Well, where are you going?

Scorpio:
I'll tell the pilot when I get on the plane. No alerts, nothin'.

Mayor:
I guarantee you you will not be molested in any way. I give you my word of honor on it.

Chief:
Callahan? — you willing to take the money to him?

Callahan:
When are you people gonna stop messing around with this guy. He's gotta be stopped now.

Mayor:
He's got a bus load of kids and I can't take that chance. I gave my word of honor on it, and he will not be molested — and that's a direct order, Callahan!

Callahan:
Well, you can just get yourself another delivery boy.

Scorpio:
[singing] Row, row, row your boat/gently down the stream/merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ...

Bus Kid:
Where are we going?

Scorpio:
What? What did you say?

Bus Kid:
Where are we going?

Scorpio:
We're going to the ice-cream factory and see how ice-cream's made. Now anybody who doesn't wanna go can get off right here.

Bus Kid:
I wanna go home to my mommy.

Scorpio:
[slaps the kid] Stupid kid! Come on sing everyone! Sing or I'll go home and kill all your mommies, sing, sing!

[The Scorpio Killer holds an innocent kid hostage at the edge of a cliff]

Scorpio:
Drop the gun, creep!

[Callahan approaches Scorpio as the latter laughs manically]

Scorpio:
I'll blow his brains out! [continues laughing manically]

[Callahan approaches Scorpio, .44 Magnum in hand]

Scorpio:
Drop the f***ing gun!

[Callahan pretends to drop his gun, only to fire it at Scorpio, who lets the kid go. Callahan then approaches the wounded Scorpio and points the gun at Scorpio, who is about to retrieve his]

Callahan:
I know what you're thinking, punk. You're thinking "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Now, to tell you the truth, I've forgotten myself in all this excitement. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and it will blow your head clean off, you've gotta ask yourself a question: 'Do I feel lucky?

[Scorpio attempts to stand and grab his gun]

Callahan:
Well, do ya, punk?

[Scorpio laughs maniacally and retrieves his gun in an attempt to shoot Callahan, only to be shot in the chest and killed]

Harry Callahan:
You gotta be kidding. I don't got any time to break in any newcomers. Why don't you do this boy a favor ... if I need a partner, I'll get me someone who knows what the hell he's doin'.

Harry Callahan:
[to Gonzalez] Sociology? Oh, you'll go far — that's if you live ... Just don't let your college degree get you killed 'cause I'm liable to get killed along with ya.

Harry Callahan:
Now you know why they call me "Dirty Harry". I get every dirty job that comes along.

Harry Callahan:
Gonzalez was obeying orders from his superior, me ... he didn't know anything about it. And when this mess is over, if he [the Chief] wants my badge, well, he can have that too.

Chico Gonzalez:
No wonder they call him Dirty Harry. Always get the sh*t-end of the stick.

Scorpio Killer:
[in note to the mayor] To the City of San Francisco, I will enjoy killing one person every day until you pay me one hundred thousand dollars ($100,000). If you agree say so tomorrow morning in Personal Column San Francisco Chronicle and I will set up meeting. If I do not hear from you it will be my next pleasure to kill a Catholic priest or a n*gger. Scorpio

Scorpio Killer:
[in a letter] The double-crossing San Francisco police made me do this. Now ransom $200,000 in used 10s and 20s. One man with yellow bag, south side, Marina Green, East Harbor, 9 p.m., she has oxygen until 3 a.m. tomorrow morning, red panties and bra, nice tits, mole on left thigh. Anything cute and you'll force me to let girl die of slow suffocation. Scorpio

Scorpio Killer:
[to Callahan, on the phone] If I even think you're being followed, the girl dies. If you talk to anyone, I don't care if it's a Pekinese pissing against a lamppost, the girl dies ... No car. I give you a certain amount of time to go from phone booth to phone booth. I ring four times. You don't answer by the fourth ring, I hang up and that's the end of the game. The girl dies ... Cop! ... I hope you're not stupid.

Scorpio Killer:
[to Callahan] Left hand. Let's see the gun.[Harry pulls out his .44 Magnum] My! That's a big one.

Scorpio Killer:
[to Callahan] No, don't pass out on me now cop! No, no, no, no, no, not yet, not yet, don't pass out on me yet you rotten oinker! Do we understand each other? I said do we understand each other? (Harry nods) Okay, now listen up cop, I changed my mind. I'm going to let her die, I just wanted you to know that. You hear me? I just wanted you to know that before I killed you![laughs crazily] Goodbye, Callahan!

Scorpio Killer:
[in the hospital, with a battered face] They tried to frame me with the Deacon girl murder, and now they're trying to murder me — and look at me, just look at me. I'm supposed to be innocent until proven guilty and just look at what they did to me. Everywhere I go, cops follow me — and just look at me.

Scorpio Killer:
[to a school bus driver] Hear me, you old hag, I'm telling you to drive or I'll decorate this bus with your brains.

Scorpio Killer:
[in a note] To the City of San Francisco — You have double-crossed me for the last time. I'm warning you to have my $200,000 dollars and a jet airplane ready and waiting. I will call the Mayor's Office at one o'clock and tell you about the hostages who I will be happy to kill if you don't do exactly what I say. Scorpio.

Scorpio Killer:
[last word to Callahan as he threatens to kill a young boy fishing] Drop the gun, creep! I'll blow his brains out! [chuckles evilly] Drop the f***ing gun!

Mayor:
The City of San Francisco does not pay criminals not to commit crimes. Instead, we pay a police department.

Lt. Al Bressler:
Just go where you're told, do what you're told, play it straight down the line ... Nothing cute, nothing fancy. Just pay the ransom money and report back here.

Misattributed:
Go ahead, make my day.

Misattributed:
Do you feel lucky, punk?