Dirty Jobs

Mike Rowe:
[to a guy he's working with] A man who deliberately covers himself in poo is not sexy.

Mike Rowe:
You know your ship has come in when you get your name on your own garbage can. And your own shovel.

Mike Rowe:
Well, there's your problem there.

Mike Rowe:
I don't see what can possibly go wrong.

Mike Rowe:
I'm adrift in a sea of crap!

Himself - Host:
It's loud. It's dirty. And it's dangerous as all hell. So far, so good.

[after throwing a pregnant shark back into the ocean, Mike notices a small wriggling shark on the deck of the boat. The marine biologist identifies this as a baby]

Host:
Did I just scare a baby out of a shark?

Mike Rowe:
[paddling a boat on a 800,000 gallon pond of cow diarrhea] 'O Sole Mio! Don't know the words. I paddle for hours, in ponds of turds.

Himself - Host:
How many people get into your field, or think they want to get into your field, because, you know, they saw Indiana Jones or, you know, some documentary on the Discovery Channel, and then realize that they're just too stupid?

Mike Rowe:
The thing I most like about the crew here on Dirty Jobs is that not *one* of them, in the years that I've known them, has ever once exhibited the slightest ounce of anything that could possibly *ever*, under any condition, be confused with good judgment.

Host:
This is not your mother's vacuum. It'll suck the hitch off a Buick.

Mike Rowe:
[after being sprayed in the mouth with bug poison] This is how it ends for me. By a church with a mouth full of poison.

Mike Rowe:
[after accidentally getting splashed with insecticide] I knew that's how it was gonna end: with a mouth full of poison.

Himself - Host:
[facing nest of lunging birds] Let the bleeding begin...

Host:
Nothing worse than a head on your bung...hole.

Host:
Look at that, it flew right out of the bunghole and hit the camera!

Host:
Thanks to this device, gas can come flying out of the bunghole.