Diver Dan

Baron:
Call me "Baron," you chowderhead!

Trigger:
Okay "Baron you chowderhead".

Opening theme:
Below in the deep there's adventure and danger; / That's where you'll find Diver Dan! / The sights that he sees are surprising and stranger / Than ever you'll see on the land!

Closing theme:
He moves among creatures / Of frightening features: Flashing teeth, slashing jaws, / Flapping fins, snapping claws! / He protects and he saves / His friends under the waves; / That's where you'll find Diver Dan!

Finley:
Diver Dan, you better hold the Baron so he won't get away. This time, we've caught him red-finned.

Diver Dan:
Caught in the act you would be pearl-napper!

Miss Minerva the Mermaid:
Diver Dan wants to meet me? Oh, no! I've never met anyone from above - I wouldn't know how to act.

Doc Sturgeon:
What does Seabiscuit say?

Miss Minerva the Mermaid:
He sas Diver Dan wants to attend the trial.

Doc Sturgeon:
Well, he should Miss Minerva. After all, he helped capture the Baron.

Miss Minerva the Mermaid:
Have you forgotten the rules of King Neptune? Only the folk of the deep can be present at the trial of a fish.

Trigger Fish:
Uh, yeah, Boss!

Baron Barracuda:
Not "Boss", "Baron", Trigger!

Trigger Fish:
Uh-okay, Baron-Trigger!

Skipper Kipper:
You be a ghost, all right. What are you doin' here?

Captain Barney:
Where else would I be? This is my ship; scuttled by my mutinous crew I was. Went down with my ship in '73 and here I stay.

Skipper Kipper:
Pirate?

Captain Barney:
I was indeed. Finest buccaneer since Blackbeard.

[singing]

Captain Barney:
Fifteen men on a dead man's chest - Yo ho ho and a bottle of run!

[speaking again]

Captain Barney:
Those were the good old days.

Trigger:
A harpoon gun!

Baron Barracuda:
Just the thing to welcome visitors.

Trigger Fish:
Uh, what do we do now, Boss?

Baron Barracuda:
Not "Boss"! "Baron", you idiot!

Trigger Fish:
What do we do now, Baron-you-idiot?

Trigger Fish:
Yeah, Boss.

Baron Barracuda:
Don't call me "Boss"; I'm Baron Barracuda!

Trigger Fish:
You sure are, Boss.

Baron Barracuda:
Then call me Baron, you fool!

Trigger Fish:
O-okay, Baron-you-fool.

[last lines]

Narrator:
Way down deep, three friendly fish saw a round glass bowl. A frightened goldfish hides in a coral hole. The friendly fish would go all out to help the pretty stranger. How can the bowl they found protect her from her danger?

[first lines]

Narrator:
The ocean floor is unknown to man, except to our hero, the brave Diver Dan. He's searching the depths of the Seven Seas. Now you may share in these strange mysteries.

[descending to the reef for the first time, Diver Dan thinks he hears snatches of conversation]

Diver Dan:
Captain! Captain!

The Captain:
What's the matter, Dan?

Diver Dan:
Will you shut off the radio or whatever it is that's coming through the intercom? It's very distracting.

The Captain:
What radio? We don't have a radio on.

Diver Dan:
Then what are all those voices?

The Captain:
What voices? It's fine up here. All I hear on the intercom is your voice.

Diver Dan:
[to himself] What's going on here? I know I hear voices!

[hears a beautful female voice vocalizing]

Diver Dan:
And that's someone singing... but at the bottom of the sea? Maybe I've been diving too long. It seems to be coming from over there...

Trigger Fish:
Uh, are you still there here, Baron-stupid?

Trigger Fish:
Oh, huh, sorry, Boss!

Baron Barracuda:
How many times must I tell you to refer to me as "Baron", simpleton?

Trigger Fish:
Uh, oh, sorry, Baron-simpleton!

Trigger Fish:
Uh uh. What's up, boss?

Baron Barracuda:
What is that strange glow over there? Something is wrong! And call me "Baron", useless!

Trigger Fish:
Uh, okay, Baron-useless!

Diver Dan:
We think Horace is mixed up in some way with Baron Barracuda.

Sam the Sawfish:
That's bad!

Diver Dan:
Yes, and he must be in trouble.

Sam the Sawfish:
I'd sure like to help you fellas, but I haven't seen skin nor fin of him.

Baron Barracuda:
Call me "Baron", you blockhead!

Trigger:
Okay, Baron You Blockhead.

Baron Barracuda:
But Trigger, tell me, what must I do to get you to call me "Baron" consistenly?

Trigger:
Well, Baron Consistently, you could quit changin' your name all of the time.

Baron Barracuda:
Sometimes I believe you must be the only fish that has sucseeded in splitting the atom, since you couldn't possibly have more than half an atom for a brain!

Trigger Fish:
You-you get it, Boss!

Baron Barracuda:
I've told you to call me "Baron" repeatedly!

Trigger Fish:
Oh yeah, Baron-repeatedly!

Trigger Fish:
Is that good, Boss?

Baron Barracuda:
Not "Boss"; "Baron", stupid.

Trigger Fish:
Okay, Baron-stupid!

Trigger Fish:
D'gee, Boss! You're smart!

Baron Barracuda:
How many times have I told you not to call me that?

Trigger Fish:
Whoops! Sorry, uh! Gee, Boss, you're stupid?

Baron Barracuda:
Not "stupid"! "Baron", you fool!

Trigger Fish:
Okay! Okay! Baron-you-fool!

[last lines]

Finley:
And then the vines caught Horace and held him fast.

Doc Sturgeon:
Oh, what can we do, Diver Dan?

Diver Dan:
Now, you say these are long vines that have berries and they grow from one central root?

Finley:
That's right, Dan.

Diver Dan:
We have no time to lose! That sounds like Savage Seaweed from the Suder Sea and it can crush the life out of any living thing.

Doc Sturgeon:
Oh, no!

Finley:
Poor Horace!

Trigger Fish:
But, Boss...

Baron Barracuda:
Quiet! And I told you to call me "Baron", stupid.

Trigger Fish:
O'okay, Baron-stupid.

Baron Barracuda:
Trigger, my devoted friend, go over there and see what trouble scared him.

Trigger:
Who? Me?

Baron Barracuda:
But of course! Who else would I send?

Trigger:
Well, like, uh... let's think about it. How about you?

Baron Barracuda:
Very well, you jellyfish! I'll lead the way... from behind you.

Trigger:
Well, that's great boss!

Trigger:
I hate boiled fish, especially if it's me. See you around, boss!

Baron Barracuda:
Come back here you spineless wonder!

Trigger:
But, Baron, a guy could get hurt around a volcano.

Baron Barracuda:
Exactly - say someone like Finley, or Diver Dan, or the stupid Sergeant-Major?

Trigger:
Say, that sounds like dirty fun, boss!

Baron Barracuda:
You remember that old fishnet we found?

Trigger:
Sure! I have it stored in your old filing cabinet under net profits.

Doc Sturgeon:
Then there was the time I had to treat a sardine for claustrophobia...

Sergeant-Major:
Hup, toop, trip, four; hup, toop, trip, four, hup, toop, trip, four...

Miss Minerva the Mermaid:
Hello, Sergeant-Major.

Sergeant-Major:
A moment, please, Miss Minerva, I haven't halted yet. Company halt!

Miss Minerva the Mermaid:
At ease, Sergeant Major.

[to Doc]

Miss Minerva the Mermaid:
He's so military.

Doc Sturgeon:
He's a regular marine marine.

Miss Minerva the Mermaid:
It's a shame to have trouble in our ocean, but it's nice to have brave fish at times like these.

Baron Barracuda:
You have done your bad deed for the day. Very good, Trigger. You show promise!

Baron Barracuda:
There - the file is stuck. It's on that rock. You may get it, Trigger.

Trigger:
Gee thanks, Baron... Who? Me? Nothin' doin'.

Baron Barracuda:
That's an order!

Trigger:
Yeah - an order with an odor.

Baron Barracuda:
You're yellow!

Trigger:
Yeah, right... and on me it looks good. You get it.

Baron Barracuda:
Aw, come. We'll get it... together.

Baron Barracuda:
This mysterious rock has a force that draws anything made of metal - the file and now Sawfish's nose. Does that mean anything to you?

Trigger:
Well, now that you mention it, boss... no.

Baron Barracuda:
You fool! This rock can help us destroy the diver.

Trigger:
It can?

Baron Barracuda:
Of course. His helmet and his shoes are made of metal. The moment he comes near this rock...

Trigger:
Yeah, I get it. He's stuck for good!

Baron Barracuda:
Or bad, Trigger. [laughs diabolically]

Trigger Fish:
Duh, did it hurt, Boss?

Baron Barracuda:
I've told you to call me "Baron" before!

Trigger Fish:
D'okay Baron-before, what'll we do now?

[Diver Dan discovers that Finlay, a fish, can speak English]

Diver Dan:
You can talk!

Finlay:
But not with a gold coin in my mouth.