Don't Look Under the Bed

Boogeyman:
I hate to be the one to tell you but it's not too late for me to nail you.

[first lines]

Frances Bacon McCausland:
[narrating] Middleberg is a middle-sized town in the middle of the country. Middleberg is where I live, and so does something... else. Some people said that Middleberg was dull, that nothing ever happened here. Well, they were very wrong.

[last lines]

Darwin McCausland:
I guess it takes a lot of imagination to become a grown-up.

Frances Bacon McCausland:
It sure does, kiddo.

Larry Houdini:
[Frances has just gotten out of the shower and is wearing nothing but a bath robe, she is checking herself in the mirror, and Larry appears inside the mirror, talking to Frances] Ewww! Is that a zit? Girl, you need to take care of your skin!

Frances Bacon McCausland:
[looks behind her but there's nothing there] Great. I'm still dreaming.

Larry Houdini:
Over here!

Frances Bacon McCausland:
[looks back towards the mirror] What are you doing in there?

Larry Houdini:
[dancing in the mirror] This positive to reflect?

Frances Bacon McCausland:
Get out! Get out, it's creepy!

Larry Houdini:
[Larry steps out of the mirror]

Frances Bacon McCausland:
[appalled] How long have you been in there?

Frances Bacon McCausland:
[finds Larry in the garage] You're all right.

Larry Houdini:
Just all right? And I thought I was great!

Frances Bacon McCausland:
Well, when you fell off the roof last night, I thought you were...

Larry Houdini:
[interrupts] "Get real, Frances" if I can quote your friend Joanne - well former friend, thanks to the Boogeyman. [pause] Are you sure you didn't do anything to make him mad?

Frances Bacon McCausland:
Hello, I think I'd remember if I'd done anything to the *Boogeyman*.

Larry Houdini:
[starts heading back into the garage] Okay, Frances. Okay.

Frances Bacon McCausland:
So you just stay young forever like, Peter Pan?

Larry Houdini:
Our friends grow up, and then we make new friends, friends keep you young, just like aerobics. [does jumping jacks] Tae-Bo, Tai Chi, all that good stuff.

Frances Bacon McCausland:
[to the school staff, who doesn't see Larry on the piano] Why can't you see him? He's playing the saxophone, he's moonwalking! Why are you pretending that you can't [turns back and he's gone] see him?

Larry Houdini:
Get in the bass drum, as a hiding place you can't beat it!

[rimshot]

Frances Bacon McCausland:
I'm not trying to hide, I'm chasing you.

Frances Bacon McCausland:
Nobody knew who was responsible, but everybody needed someone to blame.

Larry Houdini:
You know what? I think I liked you better as a boogey... peeerson!

Larry Houdini:
I am Larry Houdini.

Frances Bacon McCausland:
So I guess you were almost named after Harry Houdini? Houdini isn't even a real name.

Larry Houdini:
I'm not a real person.

Frances Bacon McCausland:
[to Larry] Now you're a fireman? You're like one of Darwin's action figures.

Frances Bacon McCausland:
[Darwin doesn't acknowledge Larry's in the room as he asks Frances about her marbles] Do you see anybody else here?

Darwin McCausland:
You don't have to be snotty about it, I don't even throw marbles!

Boogeyman:
Oh Frannie! I'm getting old! I'm getting so old! [turns into]

Old Zoe:
I'm getting so old, I can't even remember how to rhyme anymore!

Larry Houdini:
Fran, just because you're getting older doesn't mean you have to get old.