Dragon Ball Z: Abridged

[repeated lines]

Nappa:
Hey Vegeta, are we there yet?

Vegeta:
No!

Nappa:
Hi!

Piccolo:
So, you guys are the Saiyans?

Nappa:
No.

Vegeta:
Don't be rude, Nappa.

Krillin:
And you're here for the dragon balls!

Nappa:
No.

Vegeta:
We are. And I, am the prince of all Saiyans!

Piccolo:
You're a prince?

Nappa:
No.

Vegeta:
F*ck you Nappa.

Trunks:
Do you really believe your own hype that much?

Vegeta:
[shouts] I am the hype!

Cell:
Wait... I see a light.

Android 16:
walk towards it!

Vegeta:
Which means... which means...

Ghost Nappa:
He took the Dragon Ball. [Vegeta erupts out the water, screaming with rage]

Vegeta:
So what are you doing here?

Gohan:
Oh, you know, just, flying around.

Vegeta:
Flying around?

Gohan:
Flying around.

Vegeta:
Thwarting my plans?

Gohan:
Thwarting your plans?

Vegeta:
Are you?

Gohan:
No.

Vegeta:
Good, 'cause that would be bad.

Gohan:
How bad?

Vegeta:
I'd have to kill you.

Gohan:
That's bad.

Vegeta:
Indeed.

Gohan:
So, uh... Can I help you?

Vegeta:
No. But maybe I can help you.

Gohan:
Uh... I need an adult.

Vegeta:
I am an adult.

Vegeta:
[Vegeta knees Gohan in the stomach] By the way, I only hit you because I have pent-up aggression against your father... Take that.

[Vegeta blasts off, leaving Gohan behind]

Mr. Popo:
Alright maggots, listen up, Popo's 'bout to teach you the pecking order; it goes you, the dirt, the worms inside of the dirt, Popo's stool, Kami... then Popo. Any questions?

Krillin:
Um, yeah, I- [Gets blasted off Korin's Tower]

Mr. Popo:
Enjoy the climb back up, b*tch!

Vegeta:
[Suddenly wakes up beside Goku's healing pod] I HAVE TO PEE! [He darts out of the room and over to the window, and notices that the sky has gone dark] Jesus, I overslept. It's already night. For the first time since I got here... on a... planet with three suns... [a little alarm goes off inside his head and he realizes that Gohan and Krillin have summoned the dragon without him] Oh you mother- [Scene cuts to Gohan, with Vegeta screaming offscreen] - F***ERS!

Piccolo:
[Also offscreen] Ow, my ears!

Gohan:
Maybe there's something special about the Namekian Dragonballs.

Krillin:
Huh. Maybe if I sing to it... [sings] I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves!

Vegeta:
[Having been knocked into a cave, leaving a large hole in it] . This. Proves. Nothing.

Goku:
You okay in there?

Vegeta:
[Sarcastically] Yeah, I'm fan-f*cking-tastic. Nothing but gumdrops and ice cream in here.

Goku:
Ooh! Can I come in?

Vegeta:
...I'm surrounded by idiots.

Goku:
I thought you were surrounded by gumdrops and ice cream.

Vegeta:
[Screams and shatters the rock around him] I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS! I WILL NOT BE HUMILIATED BY A LOWER CLASS WRETCH!

Goku:
Ohh, someone's got an ice cream headache.

Vegeta:
[next to Gohan after being crushed by his great ape form] Crushed and broken by an unconscious, naked child... Yup, I think I’m done here.

Vegeta:
*talking in his sleep* "First immortality.....Then the b*tches..."

Tien:
well you know what,.....f*ck power levels, f*ck super saiyans, and f*ck YOU........ SHIN KIKOHO

Cell:
oh that's adora- shiiiiiiiiiiit(cell being gobbled up by the tri-beam)

[On their way to fight the Ginyu Force]

Gohan:
Vegeta, if you don't mind me asking... what are we in for?

Vegeta:
You ever watch Power Rangers?

Gohan:
No.

Vegeta:
Ninja Turtles?

Gohan:
No.

Vegeta:
Sailor Moon?

Gohan:
No.

Vegeta:
Beetleborgs?

Gohan:
No.

Vegeta:
VR Troopers?

Gohan:
No.

Vegeta:
Samurai Syber-Squad?

Gohan:
No.

Vegeta:
...Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters From Beverly Hills?

Gohan:
Oh yeah!

Vegeta:
Goddammit!

Captain Ginyu:
Before I take these Dragon Balls and leave my associates here to clean up, is there anything you'd like to say to me, Vegeta?

Vegeta:
As a matter of fact, there is. Look at your men, now back to me, now look back at your men, back to me. I am not your men, I'm flipping you off. Now look at the ground, back to me. Where's the Dragon Ball? It's gone! I threw it! AND THERE IS NOT A DAMN THING YOU CAN-!

Burter:
Here you go, Boss.

Captain Ginyu:
Thank you, Burter.

Burter:
S'what I do.

Gohan:
[with a broken arm] Is it too much to ask that you just shut up and fight?

Cell:
What's that, brat? I can't hear you! Try *sign* language!

Krillin:
If someone with one arm speaks with sign language, is that a speech impediment or an accent?

Nail [in Piccolo's head]:
Hey, uhhh, you okay down there?

Piccolo:
Uh, yeah, what did I miss?

Nail:
Well, both of the Saiyans are down, one of the bald guys is getting choked out and the other one is quacking.

Krillin [off-screen]:
Quack!

Piccolo:
Alright, I've got this!

Nail:
Whoa-oh! No you *don't*!

Piccolo:
You wanna bet!?

Nail:
Not really!

Piccolo:
Raaargh! [Charges towards Android 17, gets punched] UWRARGH! [hits the ground choking] AAGH...!

Nail:
Alright, so what do I win? [silence] Hello...?

Krillin:
Hey! I was on Namek, okay!? Sh*t got crazy! I got stabbed! And BLOWN UP!

Yamcha:
I've been stabbed and blown up, too! And dumped by the only girlfriend I ever had!

Krillin:
Same. But ya know the difference? When mine left, she took all my money. When yours left, she took all *her* money.

Master Roshi:
...Gonna need a Senzu for that one.

Piccolo:
What the hell is going on here?

Imperfect Cell:
Ohohohohoho... Let's answer your question... with another question:

Piccolo:
Yeah? And what's tha-

Imperfect Cell:
WANNA SEE ME DRINK THIS GUY?!

Man:
AHHH-!