Earthworm Jim

Peter Puppy:
Once again, the trousers of evil are yanked down by the mocking hands of justice!

Earthworm Jim:
Superheroes and evil twins go together like peanut butter and... evil peanut butter!

Security Guard 1:
Did a giant worm, a talking dog, and a smiling booger just walk by here?

Security Guard 2:
Mm-hmm.

Security Guard 1:
(Picks up the phone) Hello? DNA Lab? Whatever you're doing down there... CUT IT OUT?

Earthworm Jim:
It's HAGGIS! The heart, lungs and liver of a sheep boiled in its own stomach."

Earthworm Jim:
I'm proud to live in a nation where anyone, regardless of species, can BUY a college education.

Peter Puppy:
Oh goody. The day is only begun, and already your mind has snapped like a dry and brittle twig.

PsyCrow:
The wages of sin are death, but the hours are great.

Narrator:
Later, our heroes skip through the woods, which you may have noticed since you can *actually see them*.

Peter Puppy:
Once again, evil is as rotting meat before the maggots of justice!

Earthworm Jim:
Thank you for cramming that delightful image into my brain, Peter.

PsyCrow:
Maximum suckage...

Giant Fur-bearin' Trout:
Fear not, small fragrant one. Those who flow with the waters of the trout shall perservere. Those who would use the trout for evil shall be destroyed upon the lathe of heaven...

Earthworm Jim:
Gosh! Really?

Giant Fur-bearin' Trout:
You betcha! Or the bandsaw of paradise! Or maybe even the great cordless beltsander of nirvana! It's got three speeds!

Evil Jim:
Hey you... thing-taker guy!

Psy-Crow:
You're gonna hit me real hard now, aren't ya?

Additional Voices:
Intruder Alert... Destroy intruders...

Earthworm Jim:
Yeah! Go get 'em! [security robot grabs Jim by the neck]

Earthworm Jim:
Oh right, you mean us...

[Jim is calling a fancy restaurant to get a reservation for his date with Princess What's-Her-Name]

Earthworm Jim:
Whaddya mean, you won't take my reservation? Of course I'm the King of Spain! Listen: "Soy el rey de esponja."

Peter Puppy:
Uh, Jim, you just told him you're the King of Sponge.

Peter Puppy:
I must not fear, fear is the mindkiller, fear is the little death that brings total oblivion...

Earthworm Jim:
Quick, little buddy! Whip me! Whip me!

Peter Puppy:
I beg your pardon?

Earthworm Jim:
I mean, use me like a whip!

Peter Puppy:
Oh! Heh. Right.

Earthworm Jim:
[repeated Line] Eat Dirt! GAHAHAHAHAH! [shoots wildly]

[repeated line]

Evil the Cat:
A minor setback.

[repeated line]

Hench Rat:
Oww. Thank you.

Earthworm Jim:
You're right! This is a violation of the laws of physics. I'll notify the physics police at once!

Psy-Crow:
The worst thing is when people ask villainy advice. You know. How do I steal this? How do I utterly destroy that? Hey, hey! I'm off duty, pal!

Peter Puppy:
Once again, evil is as grasp beneath the mighty lawnmower of justice!

Earthworm Jim:
You're creeping me out, Peter...

Earthworm Jim:
[counting the cats] 5, 6, 7. What happened to 1, 2, and 3?

Bob, The Killer Goldfish:
Sadly, they have gone where all cats gone.

Earthworm Jim:
Uh, under the house?

Earthworm Jim:
But without my suit, I'm a helpless worm fighting impossible odds to save the universe!... Groovy!

Earthworm Jim:
A-ha! I knew it - the criminal mastermind behind all of this is none other than... Santa Claus! I knew he couldn't be trusted. Always going down people's chimneys. And those elves - does he pay them, or are they... SLAVES to his evil will? Then again, perhaps Santa is just the cherry-nosed personification of holiday spirit.

[Professor Monkey-for-a-Head sprays a toxin mist at Peter Puppy, which transforms him into a small, brown, bag-like creature, but with his own face]

Professor Monkey-for-a-Head:
Interesting.

Peter Puppy:
What... [starts panicking] What *am* I?

Earthworm Jim:
Well, off hand, I'd say you're the heart, lungs and liver of a sheep, boiled in its own stomach.

Peter Puppy:
I'm... a HAGGIS? [screams in horror] Noooooooooooooooooo!

Earthworm Jim:
Yeesh! Fuzz Buddy, bust my ear bones, why don'tcha!

Peter Puppy:
[cries] I'm a *haggis!*

Earthworm Jim:
Yeah, yeah, cry me a river.

Earthworm Jim:
Guh-roovy!

Narrator:
Meanwhile, Peter Puppy made his decision.

Peter Puppy:
That one tastes more like butter.

Narrator:
Not that decision!