eCupid

Gabe Horton:
Well, you're not fat but your gym DID send me a condolence card.

Keith:
Isn't thirty a little young to be having a midlife crisis?

Marshall Thomas:
I'm gay. Thirty's the new forty.

Keith:
Nothing says "Happy Birthday" better than cheep bar food, overpriced beers and being served by guys in their underwear.

Myles:
[showing off his washboard abs] Got any clothes you need washed?

Myles:
You know, you're pretty dope for an old guy.

Marshall Thomas:
Wow. Really? "Old guy?"

Myles:
Relax. I mean, you're still hot. I mean, I wouldn't be burning my minutes on you if you weren't.

Gabe Horton:
[getting busy signal] Who could he be talking to?

Chris 1:
Hopefully his psychiatrist.

Carson:
Should I start setting up?

Marshall Thomas:
When?

Carson:
As soon as you get in the shower and remove that rent-boy stink off you.

Marshall Thomas:
I'm the same boring guy as you.

Gabe Horton:
Yeah, keep digging that hole.

Keith:
So, what was THAT all about?

Marshall Thomas:
My boyfriend came by to talk.

Keith:
Well, now he knows next time to call.

Keith:
Someone's excited.

Marshall Thomas:
I'm just getting out my keys.

Keith:
Right, right, right.

Marshall Thomas:
[caught with someone else's hand down his pants] It's not what it looks like.

Gabe Horton:
Are you sure? Did you at least turn your head and cough first?

Venus:
You know, when it comes to love, it's not what you know in your head. It's what you feel in your heart.

eCupid TV Announcer:
Lost in love? Confused? Don't know where to turn to for matters of the heart? Well, look no further. Divinity Computer Applications presents eCupid, the only app guaranteed for you and your one true love. Yes, love isn't easy, but eCupid is all about that perfect match. It's simple, free and guaranteed. Oh, and did I mention - it's guaranteed.

Mr. Hutchington:
I'm giving you another watch campaign.

Marshall Thomas:
[flatly] Fantastic...

Mr. Hutchington:
THIS time with a completely new look and design.

Marshall Thomas:
[perking up] Thank God.

Mr. Hutchington:
Somthing fresh and original.

Marshall Thomas:
Yes. Please.

Mr. Hutchington:
Has to look just like the old one. Don't deviate from the tried and true.

Marshall Thomas:
[deflated] I wouldn't dream of adding creativity to ANY of my work.

Mr. Hutchington:
[spotting Keith and Marshall, with Marshall wearing a birthday party hat] Creative meeting or did I not get the invitation to an office party?

Keith:
It's, um, Marshall's birthday today.

Mr. Hutchington:
Really? Happy birthday, Marshall. And look at me standing here without a gift or a silly hat on, thinking work should be getting done. Where is my party etiquette?

Marshall Thomas:
You know, that's okay. Hey, how 'bout for my birthday present you let me work on something else besides magazine layouts for mind-numbing useless products like watches and tampons?

Keith:
I'm gonna go back to work. Excuse me.

Mr. Hutchington:
Good call.

Carson:
So why don't you get out of my way and let me so what I do - oh, so well I might add - and save your tuchus from real embarrassment? And I am talking REAL embarrassment, not the oops-I-left-my-sexa-toy-on-the-floor sort of embarrassment you should be feeling right about... now.

Marshall Thomas:
[spotting the giant dildo Dawson left behind] Wow. Okay. Um... not mine.

Carson:
Of course it's not - and I'm pregnant with George Clooney's baby.

Marshall Thomas:
Mr. Hutchington. Are... Are you here for the party?

Mr. Hutchington:
[seeing he's surrounded by shirtless gay men] Do I really look like some closet-case, uptight Christian, log-cabin republican who slinks around the house at midnight to party with some hot underage muscle studs at private parties to satisfy my secret desires and urges to you?