Emperor's New Groove

Pacha:
Uh-oh.

Kuzco:
Don't tell me. We're about to go over a huge waterfall.

Pacha:
Yep.

Kuzco:
Sharp rocks at the bottom?

Pacha:
Most likely.

Kuzco:
Bring it on.

Kuzco:
No touchy.

Pacha:
Where'd you come from, little guy?

Kuzco:
No... touchy.

Pacha:
Demon llama!

Kuzco:
Demon llama? Where?

Kuzco:
Aaah!

Yzma:
Why do we even *have* that lever?

Kuzco:
Okay, why does she even *have* that lever?

Kuzco:
Let's take a look-see. Hate your hair. Not likely. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. And, let me guess, you have a great personality.

Kuzco:
This is Yzma, the emperor's advisor. Living proof that dinosaurs once roamed the Earth.

Yzma:
Why, I practically raised him.

Kronk:
Yeah, you'd think he would've turned out better.

Yzma:
Yeah, go figure.

Kuzco:
Okay, I admit it. Maybe I wasn't as nice as I should have been. But, Yzma, do you really want to kill me?

Yzma:
Just think of it as you're being let go, that your life's going in a different direction, that your body's part of a permanent outplacement.

Kronk:
Hey, that's kinda like what he said to you when you got fired.

Yzma:
I know. It's called a "cruel irony", like my dependence on you.

Waitress:
Ordering. Three pork combos, extra bacon on the side, two chili cheese samplers, a basket of liver and onion rings, a catch of the day, and a steak cut in the shape of a trout. You got all that, honey?

Kronk:
Three oinkers wearing pants, plate of hot air, basket of Grandma's breakfast and change the bull to a gill, got it.

Old Man:
Oh, it's not the first time I was tossed out of a window, and it won't be the last. What can I say? I'm a rebel.

Pacha:
Someday, you're gonna wind up all alone, and you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

Kuzko:
Thanks for that. I'll log that away.

Yzma:
Take him out of town and finish the job now!

Kronk:
What about dinner?

Yzma:
Kronk, this is kind of important.

Kronk:
How about dessert?

Yzma:
Well, I suppose there's time for dessert.

Kronk:
And coffee?

Yzma:
All right. A quick cup of coffee. Then take him out of town and finish the job!

Pacha:
We shook hands on it!

Kuzko:
You know, the funny thing about shaking hands is...

Kuzko:
...you need hands.

Kuzko:
Hey, Kronk, can you top me off, pal?

Kuzco:
Boo-yeah.

Kuzco:
You know, it's a good thing you're not a big, fat guy or this would be really difficult.

Kuzco:
Boom, baby!

Yzma:
A llama? He's supposed to be *dead*.

Kronk:
Yeah, weird.

Yzma:
Get them!

Yzma:
You're excused. Anybody else?

Kuzco:
Aargh. You threw off my groove!

Old Man:
Sorry.

Tipo:
Dad, look out!

ChiCha:
Tipo, what is it?

Tipo:
I had a dream that Dad was tied to a log and was careening out of control down a raging river of death!

Kuzco:
Oh, and by the way, you're fired.

Yzma:
Fired? W-W-What do you mean, "fired"?

Kuzco:
Um, how else can I say it? "You're being let go." "Your department's being downsized." "You're part of an outplacement." "We're going in a diffrent direction." "We're not picking up your option." Take your pick. I got more.

Yzma:
That's it, Kronk! That's it! I'll get rid of Kuzco.

Kronk:
The real Kuzco?

Yzma:
Of course, the real Kuzco.

Kuzko:
Um, what's with the chimp and the bug? Can we get back to *me*?

Kronk:
What are the odds of that trap door leadin' me out here?

Pacha:
But, but, um, where will *we* live?

Kuzco:
Hmm. Don't know, don't care. How's that?

Kuzco:
Will you take a look at that? Pretty pathetic, huh? Well, you'll never believe this, but that llama you're looking at was once a human being. And not just any human being. That guy was an emperor. A rich, powerful ball of charisma. Oh, yeah! This is his story. Well, actually, my story. That's right... I'm that llama. The name is Kuzco... Emperor Kuzco. I was the world's nicest guy and they ruined my life for no reason. Oh, is that hard to believe? Look, I'll tell you what. You go back a ways, you know, before I was a llama, and this will all make sense.

Kuzco:
All right, now see. That's a little too far back. Ooh! Look at me! That's me as a baby. Ahem! All right, let's move ahead.

Kuzco:
Wait a minute. I remember you. I remember telling you that I was building my pool where your house was, and then you got mad at me. Oh! And you turned me into a llama!

Pacha:
What? No, I did not.

Kuzco:
Yes, and then you kidnapped me!

Pacha:
Why would I kidnap a llama?

Kuzco:
I have no idea. You're the criminal mastermind, not me.

Pacha:
What?

Kuzco:
You're right. That's giving you way too much credit.

Kronk:
That peasant, at the diner!

Kronk:
He didn't pay his check.

Kronk:
He's the peasant who I saw leaving the city who disappeared into the crowd with Kuzco on the back of his cart. He must have taken him back to his village, so if we find the village, we find him, and if we find him, we find Kuzco. Oh, yeah, it's all comin' together. Yzma!

Yzma:
What?

Kronk:
Aah!

Yzma:
This had better be good!

Kronk's Shoulder Angel:
You're not just gonna let him die like that, are you?

Kronk:
My shoulder angel.

Kronk's Shoulder Devil:
Don't listen to that guy. He's trying to lead you down the path of righteousness. I'm gonna lead you down the path that *rocks*.

Kronk's Shoulder Angel:
Oh, come off it.

Kronk's Shoulder Devil:
*You* come off it.

Kronk's Shoulder Angel:
You.

Kronk's Shoulder Devil:
You.

Kronk's Shoulder Angel:
You.

Kronk's Shoulder Devil:
You infinity.

Pacha:
What happened?

Old Man:
Well, I threw off the Emperor's groove.

Pacha:
What?

Old Man:
His groove! The rhythm in which he lives his life. His pattern of behavior. I threw it off. And the Emperor had me thrown out the window.

Pacha:
Oh, really? I'm supposed to see him today.

Old Man:
Don't throw off his groove!

Pacha:
Oh, okay.

Old Man:
Bewaaare, the grooove.

Pacha:
Hey, are you gonna be all right?

Old Man:
Grooove...

Pacha:
We're on our honeymoon.

Waitress:
Bless you for coming out in public.

Kuzco:
It's my birthday gift to me. I'm so happy.

Yzma:
That is the last time we take directions from a squirrel.

ChiCha:
I gotta go wash something.

Yzma:
This isn't poison. This is extract of... llama!

Kronk:
You know, in my defense, your poisons all look alike. You might think about relabeling some of them.

Kuzco:
When I give the word, your little town thingy will be bye-bye. Bye-bye!

Kuzco:
No, no! Don't drop it!

Yzma Kitty:
I'm not going to drop it, you fool! I'm going to drink it! And once I turn back into my beautiful self I'm going to *kill* you.

Kronk:
Woohoo. Faster, faster! Yzma, put your hands in the air!

Kuzco:
You have a lovely wife. They're both very pretty.

Yzma:
That's it, Kronk! Break the door down!

Kronk:
Break it down? Are ya kidding me? This is hand-carved mahogany.

Yzma:
So, is everything ready for tonight?

Kronk:
Oh, yeah. I thought we'd start off with soup and a light salad, and then see how we feel after that.

Yzma:
Not the dinner. The "you know."

Kronk:
Oh, right. The poison. The poison for Kuzco, the poison chosen especially to kill Kuzco, Kuzco's poison. That poison?

Yzma:
Yes! That poison.

Kronk:
Got you covered.

Yzma:
Excellent. A few drops in his drink, and then I'll propose a toast, and he will be dead before dessert.

Kronk:
Which is a read shame, because it's gonna be delicious.

Kronk:
Oh, look. A golden-throated small-winged warbler. Just one more for exotic bird bingo. I am loving this.

Kuzco:
Hit the road, Bucky!

Kuzco:
When will you learn that all my ideas are good ones?

Pacha:
Well, that's funny. Because I thought that you going into the jungle by yourself, being chased by jaguars, lying to me to take you back to the palace were all really *bad* ideas.

Kuzco:
Oh, yeah. Anything sounds bad when you say it with that attitude.

Kuzco:
Boo-yah! Welcome to Kuzcotopia, my ultimate summer getaway, complete with water slide.

Kuzco:
Maybe I'm just new to this whole rescuing thing, but this, to me, might be considered kind of a step backwards, wouldn't you say?

Pacha:
No, no, no. It's... It's okay. T-This is all right. We can figure this out.

Kuzco:
I hate you.

Yzma:
Kronk, the emperor needs his... drink!

Kronk:
Right. Oh...

Kronk:
...riiiiiiggghhht.

Tipo:
Dad! I ate a bug today!

Pacha:
Oh! Was Mom baking again? Heh. Don't tell her I said that.

ChiCha:
I heard that!

Kuzco:
I am one hungry king of the world.

Kuzco:
And let's not forget Yzma's right-hand man. Every decade or so she gets a new one. This year's model is called Kronk.

Yzma:
Is there anything on this menu that is not swimming in gravy?

ChiCha:
So, remind me again how you're related to Pacha?

Yzma:
Why, I'm his third cousin's brother's wife's step-niece's great aunt. Twice removed.

ChiCha:
Uh-huh.

Yzma:
Isn't that right, Kronk?

Pacha:
Why did I risk my life for a selfish brat like you? I was always taught that there was some good in everyone, but, oh, you proved me wrong.

Kuzco:
Oh, boo-hoo. Now I feel really bad. Bad llama.

Pacha:
I could've let you die out there in that jungle, and then all my problems would be over.

Kuzco:
Well, that makes you ugly *and* stupid.

Pacha:
Let's end this.

Kuzco:
Ladies first.

Yzma:
Pull the lever Kronk.

clunk

Yzma:
Wrong Leverrrrrrrrr!